Is It Just Me, or Is It Supposed To Itch Like That?

If you are anything like me, you often wonder what the world looks like via the eyes of Macaulay Culkin. But that’s for another time. Anyway, I’m having difficulty understanding something. I know there are many things that are supposed to be done a certain way, and some things where there is no right or wrong way to do something. Then it just comes down to personal preferences. 

When I was in high school, a guy I knew introduced a new topic into my life. It was something I had never given consideration before. It’s nothing to build a religion or political beliefs on, but it is a really good question. He asked me “When you scratch your ball sack, do you pinch-and-roll or stretch-and-scratch?” Well, this is a very good question. I gave it much thought and determined, it’s probably best to work with what you’ve got. 

My logic is, if “the boys” are all droopy, hangy, loose, and making that “plop” noise against your legs when you walk, then it may be best to go for the “Pinch and Roll Method.” They’re hanging and stuff, so why stretch them more? I suppose since they’re already stretched, than it just may be easier to try the other approach. Though, they’re at their fullest extent. You may injure them. No need for that…no need at all.  

 

If “Bert & Ernie” are all tight, a little tougher, and looks like the brain of a chicken, then you should try the “Stretch & Scratch Method.” This way, they’re getting their stretching exercises, it may do them some good in the long run, and it gives you a chance to get to know all those little hills and valleys. On the other hand, by trying the “Pinch and Roll Method”, it’s wise to think, “Hey! They’re already up there, so why not?” 

 

Again, it just comes down to personal preference. It’s a go with what you know tactic, but it never hurts to try new things.

Acceptance

I just spent a couple of hours reading Daniel’s blog, The Tempest, in particular, the last two posts by Seth and Daniel. (You will occasionally see some of “Transitions” cross-posted there, that is at his discretion, and with my consent, of course.)

The main gist of the posts is reactions from several quarters regarding their impending move to California. Certain people are making assumptions, pointing fingers, forming opinions without having all the facts. In short, it’s like our own personal Democratic Primary season, only without the insipid sniping of the pundits. I of course weighed in on both posts with my $20.00 worth, two cents not nearly covering someone who can be as verbose as myself…:-) People are people, they react, they blame, they tilt against the windmills and rage against the machine. If you’ve read any of my recent posts, then you’ll know I dipped my toe in that pool. Then I ran screaming madly around the pool house a few times…lol.

I understand these emotional tirades, I’ve been experiencing them firsthand. I know where they are coming from, as misdirected as they may be, for I have felt on many occasions over the past few months completely misdirected. No Tom Tom or Garmin to guide me safely home,
or so I thought until I started dealing directly with how I felt. So perhaps I cut these (for the most part) well intentioned folk some slack. They don’t know the intimate details (meaning the haven’t read my blog! THE NERVE!!! lol) therefore they’re grasping at whatever conclusions they can.

Ah…the humanity. The ever present beauty and pain of it all.

And suddenly, it was as if I was seeing it from outside of the whole situation. Daniel and Seth, railing against unfair accusations and frustrations. The friends and family, puzzling over why everything had changed, why wasn’t everything how it was supposed to be? Why doesn’t everything fit neatly and make sense? Where’s the continuity, the stability, the NORMALCY?

They don’t know yet. There’s a new normal. There’s a new order.
And I realized I was okay with it.

I’m reaching acceptance.

I have been doing things to branch out on my own, mainly because it seemed wise and healthy to do so. Now I want to do those things, simply because it’s the new order. There’s a lot left to do.

I’m no fool, I realize there’s still going to be those moments. I may have conceptualized “good bye” in my head, and even wished it to arrive now,
though I also knew I like having this time. No need to rush, trains only run at a certain speed because they’re deliberate, steady, dependable transportation. The train will leave, with part of my old life on board heading west. And I expect I’ll cry, I’m a crier. I am an unashamed crier.
And that’s fine. I care, I always have and I always will. But after that, well, to quote one of my favorite lines from “Fortinbras”…”I have THINGS to DO!!!!” LOL

We all have those lives to get on with. We get to be as big a part of each others lives as we choose. Let the fingers point and the questions be raised again and again, and we’ll answer by living well and loving every minute of it.

Because all in all, I wouldn’t change a thing now. If I could, it would mean changing who I am…who we are…and I think that would be the worst kind of loss. Maybe in a parallel universe, if they exist, the story was quite different. But I live here, in this universe, on this planet, in this house with these wonderful people in my life.

And we have things to do.

You Can Blow Your Assumptions Out Your Ass!

I love Daniel’s post. It hit’s the nail right on the head. But out of everything he said, I want to focus on one thing.

“I think Seth is the reason you’re chucking your “marriage” and moving away.”

Well, not exactly. People have told Daniel, me, and I’m sure Steve what it looks like. Daniel and I are always together because we enjoy each other’s company. Before I moved here, I was around my best friends CONSTANTLY. When I enjoy somebody’s company, I like to be around them as much as possible. I really don’t care what it looks like. I don’t care if people think Daniel is leaving Steve for me. I don’t care if people think Daniel and I are moving to California to be together. YOU ARE WRONG!

 

What I do care about is if someone has something to say to me, SAY IT TO ME! Don’t talk about me behind my back, don’t write it on a blog, and don’t make an assumption without knowing the facts. I have been thrown into this mix and now fingers are pointing at me. So, I’d like to send out a big ole FUCK YOU to those who think I am the “catalyst” to what’s going on here. Both Steve and Daniel have admitted to the downfall of their “marriage” long before I came into the picture. I have an opinion too, and dammit I’m allowed to speak too!

Some people are just upset because they don’t know where to point the finger of blame, so they pick the easiest way out, me. Just because you can’t put your finger on one single thing that made their relationship end, people choose to blame me. Which is a pathetic attempt to an answer. Try looking at all angles of the situation. Hell, both have admitted to the relationship going down the shitter years ago. If it had been someone else that moved in here, they would have been the one people pointed at. I would really like it if people would stop referring to the gay handbook and thinking Daniel is leaving Steve for me. Bottom line is, their relationship was doomed long ago.
Maybe, just maybe, this situation is actually just this. Their relationship came to it’s inevitable end, starting years ago. When a relationship ends, both parties have to start over, one decides to move away to start over. In this situation, Daniel’s family is in Fresno. Why not move there? Get over it people! This shit happens all the time!

And another thing, to this one particular person who says Daniel is being selfish for moving away, you can stick that in your pipe and smoke it! Just because someone wants to start over somewhere else, doesn’t mean they’re being selfish. Some people just don’t stop to think outside of their selfish box that he’s giving up stuff too! He’s moving to a place he hasn’t lived since long before I was even born! He’s giving up a house, a good job, pets, things that he’s accumulated over the years, and above all, friends that he can go and see anytime of the day. To those people who think it’s all about them, you need to quit being so selfish, thinking it’s all about you, because it’s not! There are other people and factors involved! Quit playing the “woe is me, how do you think this makes me feel” card. That’s bull shit!

See, this is one thing that’s really pissing me off. I have always been a fair person. I look at both sides of a situation and I make my determination. I don’t judge and I don’t pick sides, but I take things for what they are when I see BOTH sides. I just wish some people would give me the time of day, and the same respect I give, to listen to what I have to say. No, they can’t do that. They are either too pig headed to listen or are comfortable with not knowing the entire story.

If someone chooses to not listen to what I have to say, within the bounds of accusing me for one thing or another, then there will be no love lost when I leave and you were never truly my friend. So, keep thinking along your train of thought. You just need to realize that you’re sadly mistaken, narrow minded, and pretty damn selfish yourself for not thinking outside your little comfort zone.

Bottom line, I can’t wait to move. I am very excited about it. I’m also excited to get the hell away from all this petty drama. Who needs that kind of needless stress in their life?

So, if anyone thinks if Daniel is leaving Steve for me, you are SADLY mistaken and you need to reassess the situation.

Being Adult Is Beyond Therapy

I got up in a fairly good mood this morning. Well, as good as it can be at 5 o’clock.

On my little PC countdown calendar it shows another day ticked off…which means another day closer to California. With that thought in mind, I’m like a compass pointing North. (tee hee)

Now, you’d think I’d be completely overjoyed about the prospect of starting a new life and a new chapter…

and you’re right!!!

It doesn’t take a therapist to tell me that making this move and new beginning is probably one of the smartest decisions I’ve made in my life. I know in my heart that it’s not only time to make this move, but it’s also the best thing for everyone involved…whether they want or care to admit it or not.

Lately, though, some of those in my inner circle of friends (and whatnot) have chosen to take what is a good thing and turn it into a bad Jackie Collins paperback. There must be scandal…there must be whispers…there must be drama.

Rather than seeing this as an inevitable and – in a cup-is-half-full sort of way – what is best, there are those who choose to inject their ridiculous drama and bitter pettiness into it. Even from one or two closest to me. There are even some who are pissed because of how my giving up everything and my life here is affecting THEM!!

GET OVER IT!!!

This is SO not about you!!

“I think there’s more to your decision than you are letting on.”

“I think Seth is the reason you’re chucking your “marriage” and moving away.”

“You’re being selfish by leaving your life and friends behind for greener grass.”

“It’s just so easy for you to give up on Steve and run away.”

“I can’t believe I’ve wasted (insert number here) years of my life knowing you.”

“I resent you.”

(those have all been said to me, either in person or in print…what fucking passive-aggressive nerve!!)

You know, if this is what you really think of me, then there’s nothing more for us to say. And it truly does go to show that you never really did know me. Because if you can think that lowly of me, then you based our friendship on all the wrong parameters. I can be a lot of things to a lot of people, but I’ve never used anyone…I’ve never intentionally hurt anyone…and I’ve never just walked away from a “marriage”. I’ve worked my ASS off trying to make this shit work.

First of all, I didn’t “give up” on Steve or our “marriage”. It was doomed to our personalities long ago. And after several years of trying to make it work, WE (yes doubters, He & I) realized it was only making things worse and driving us further apart.

That’s it…pure and simple. There was no other man…there was no scandal…there was no other reason.

SOMETIMES SOME MARRIAGES JUST AREN’T GOING TO WORK!!! AND THIS WAS ONE OF THEM!!

(sorry for yelling, but there are just some people who don’t seen to hear very well, otherwise they’d have gotten that point months ago.)

I’ve got three weeks before I move to California. I’m going whether certain people want to admit it or not.

If I hear one more time that I am cold and heartless for ending my relationship and moving away I am going to go postal. Yeah, I am totally focused on this move…because starting a new life FROM SCRATCH way across the country is a smidge on the “assload-of-details” side. But don’t think I haven’t run through the gambit of emotions that the end of a relationship brings.

It hurt(s).

I cried.

I second-guessed.

I reconsidered.

And I got over it!!!

I’m all grown up now, Kids…I think it’s time you all did as well. And I DO mean ALL of you who want to pick a side and judge what you fucking don’t know.

I love my friends – all of them – and those I’ve been closest to, but everyone who truly knew us also knew that this might happen.

I guess the real test will be next weekend. We are having a “going away” party on the 17th and we’ve invited ALL of our friends and extended families. It’s going to be a chance to say goodbyes in person and I’m looking forward to it.

However…

Should this event become an occasion for some to turn this trip to California into a guilt trip or a lynching party, I will have my bowling bag in my truck ready and I will just leave and go bowling…I’d rather spend a shitty night bowling with that old charmless arse tard Bob (a bowling alley asshole) than sit around getting the whispers, weird stares and drama at a party.

I am moving on, folks. I am happy (FINALLY) with that thought and I sure as HELL don’t feel any guilt over it. This because I know in my heart it’s the right thing to do and at the right time.

I don’t need therapy to tell me that…and I’m adult enough to accept it.

Let’s Just Call Them Labians

A Greek court has been asked to draw the line between the natives of the Aegean Sea island of Lesbos and the world’s gay women.

Three islanders from Lesbos — home of the ancient poet Sappho, who praised love between women — have taken a gay rights group to court for using the word lesbian in its name.

One of the plaintiffs said Wednesday that the name of the association, Homosexual and Lesbian Community of Greece, “insults the identity” of the people of Lesbos, who are also known as Lesbians.

“My sister can’t say she is a Lesbian,” said Dimitris Lambrou. “Our geographical designation has been usurped by certain ladies who have no connection whatsoever with Lesbos,” he said.

The three plaintiffs are seeking to have the group barred from using “lesbian” in its name and filed a lawsuit on April 10. The other two plaintiffs are women.

Also called Mytilene, after its capital, Lesbos is famed as the birthplace of Sappho. The island is a favored holiday destination for gay women, particularly the lyric poet’s reputed home town of Eressos.

“This is not an aggressive act against gay women,” Lambrou said. “Let them visit Lesbos and get married and whatever they like. We just want (the group) to remove the word lesbian from their title.”

He said the plaintiffs targeted the group because it is the only officially registered gay group in Greece to use the word lesbian in its name. The case will be heard in an Athens court on June 10.

Brief History: Sappho lived from the late 7th to the early 6th century B.C. and is considered one of the greatest poets of antiquity. Many of her poems, written in the first person and intended to be accompanied by music, contain passionate references to love for other women.

Lambrou said the word lesbian has only been linked with gay women in the past few decades. “But we have been Lesbians for thousands of years,” said Lambrou, who publishes a small magazine on ancient Greek religion and technology that frequently criticizes the Christian Church.

Very little is known of Sappho’s life. According to some ancient accounts, she was an aristocrat who married a rich merchant and had a daughter with him. One tradition says that she killed herself by jumping off a cliff over an unhappy love affair.

Lambrou says Sappho was not gay. “But even if we assume she was, how can 250,000 people of Lesbian descent — including women — be considered homosexual?”

Indeed…