My Kinda Chic.
This is going to be quite a different Halloween for us in many respects.
It’s always been my favorite holiday and, as it turns out, (and as I learned last year), the same can be said for Seth. Last year we decorated the house in Missouri complete with graveyard, pumpkin patch…the works.
This year is going to be different. And while we expected to have to make concessions, we’re still not happy about it.
That being as it may, eventhough we can’t do the whole decorating/costume thing this year, we still get to see everyone else’s festive crap.
It’s a bittersweet diversion.
Over the weekend, Seth and I made two visits to my brothers’ house. He and my BFF, Theresa, love to splash their house – inside and out – with holiday overload. When we saw them Friday, my brother was hunched over after having thrown his back out at work earlier in the day. But what was he doing when we arrived…? Making a scarecrow out of pumpkins that was mooning passers-by. Their decorations always look great…sweet and non-offending…but nice. I thought it would have been more appropriate if he had made a hump for his back, since he was walking like the hunchback anyway.
As we drive around, we see all of the homes with Halloween splashed all over and it really makes us smile. It is our holiday, after all. But it’s a little depressing at the same time.
See we have worked so hard just to get jobs and a place of our own, and this Halloween came up on us way too early. We have no time to come up with costume ideas…I can usually come up with some weird shit under pressure (last years’ ideas were pretty cheeky…see it all here), but there is just no way to get it together in time this year.
The apartment complex we are living at (temporarily) has far too many kids that appear unhappy unless they can tear shit up. So as much as I want to get a nice pumpkin and put it outside our front dor, we know that those snotty little nose-miners would just destroy it (or any other decorations) the minute we turn our backs.
Yeah, we took an apartment (a friend who owns them wanted to help us out and give us a deal) that happens to be in what many people here refer to as, “Oh, you mean you’re in that area…”. So yeah, it’s not exactly the best area, though I suppose it could be a lot worse.
Though, it could be a lot better, except for the fact that the parents of all these kids look at the apartment complex as a free baby-sitter. “Go outside and play!!” Unescorted. Unwatched. And completely out of control. They tear up all the landscaping, throw garbage everywhere and break anything and everything they can get their hands on.
So, I decided that I wanted to do something Halloween-ish…and I finally figured out what that would be…
…and my plan would serve a purpose on several levels…
I decided to go around and pick up all the trash and broken shit around the buildings and dump it all into a big huge container. Then, on Halloween night, when all the little brats come knocking on our door in an attempt to beg for candy, I am going to hand each of them a piece of trash.
I see it kinda playing out like this:
(Incessant and irritating bang/knocking at front door)
Future gang-bangers: “Trick or treat, beyotch!!”
Daniel: “Oh, aren’t you guys adorable!!”
Satan’s Minions: “Yeah, yeah. Fuck that shit…un-ass the candy, bitch.”
Daniel: “Alrighty then. Here’s something for the scary ‘Future Junkie’. And ooo, what a pretty little Future Welfare Mother, here you go, sweetie. And what are you supposed to be? A Senator? How cool!! Here you go, Senator LiesThroughHisTeeth, something special for you. Okay kids, you all have a good night and Happy Halloween!!”
(sound of rustling through hefty bags as the Goonies check to see what they got…)
Angry Turds: “Hey!!!! You gave all of us trash!!! What’s up with that?!?!”
Daniel: “Well kids, it’s like this. You’ve torn up new landscaping. You go around every day throwing your trash all over the place. You use bad language. You show utter disrespect for everyone else who also lives in this complex. Why would I want to reward you with candy after all of that? Better question, what makes you think you even deserve a reward when you behave so badly? In answer to your question, I am merely returning to you that which you seem to have lost. It’s your trash, you threw it down, now you’re getting it back. Trick or treat.”
(Angry feet stomping down the stairs away from our door)
Trick Or treat, Bitches!!!
I know this seems a tad on the mean side, and not very festive…but tell me it’s totally not what Trick-or-Treat is all about!! Don’t come to my door dressed like an angel, (after I’ve seen you all month smashing toys against walls, tormenting cats, throwing your garbage in front of other people’s doors, etc.) and top it off by acting surprised that you don’t get candy for your efforts.
Don’t get me wrong, I don’t plan to be that cranky old fart who yells at kids to stay off his lawn (until I have a lawn, that is). I just think kids ought to be taught somehow/somewhere that you don’t get rewarded for being little miscreants.
But maybe in this way I can still have a little fun on what is normally my favorite holiday. And possibly risk some horribly bloody retaliation from the Children of the Corn.
Hmmm.
I think maybe we’ll just not be home this year.
Hey, we should go Trick-Or-Treating!!
Anyone know where they will be giving away the good candy this year??
