The Tempest Online™

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Archive for April, 2006

I refuse to age gracefully!!

Posted by Daniel on April 28, 2006

This September 4th (Labor Day) I will turn 43. Big fat hairy deal, right?

Exactly!

I’ve never thought of my age (or anyone’s age, for that matter) as old. It’s all just a number, and I certainly don’t feel old. Besides, Steve says I am like a 4 year old when we go shopping. I’ll admit, shiny colorful things in the stores always get my attention…and somehow magically appear in the cart when Steve’s back is turned. Good times. 🙂

My rant session started yesterday due to two events earlier this week.

1) My slightly younger sister thought I was 45, only getting my age right when her husband (who is named after a pair of shoes whose mascot was a little sailor boy) figured it out on the calculator. Then she proceeded to say, “Well, you’re still old.” She’s 40, by the way. Take that, Sis!!

2) My battery-operated nose hair trimmer suddenly made a screaming sound that was so scary, it…well…curled my nose hair.

Number one I can simply chalk up to sibling shit-talking. To which I will lob the folloing at her: Jealousy is an ugly thing on you, Sis…and so is anything backless. (I kid! I kid my sister!)

I guess it’s the nose hair thing that made the age thing kinda hit home. Now, I know that it’s the natural order of things that as any person ages, some hair could start thinning (not on me, thank you) and then you start growing hair where you least expect it. Ears, nose, etc. While I’ve been fortunate enough not to have thinning hair or hair in the ears, I suppose even I couldn’t avoid the nose hair.

Okay, I can accept that, but what’s up with those gadgets we have to buy in order to maintain nose-hair-order? I don’t care how cool the packaging, they still look like something Tomas de Torquemada would have come up with!

Think about it. It’s a mini lawn mower that you’re supposed to use in a place that is basically inside your head!! It’s maniacal!! Yet, if we don’t want it to look like a face necklace, we have to keep it trim and tidy. Although I’ve seen – as I’m sure you have as well – folks who never heard of a method of trimming and so prefer to “feather” it and let it hang there blowing in the wind for all the world to see. You’ve gotta love these people…just proud of all the wrong things.

Anyway, I’ve come to terms with the fact that nose hair is normal. Nose hair is natural. Nose hair should have it’s own parade!! I just want to shout out to the world, “I love my big gay nose hair!!” I could, however, do without those pre-mature grays, which only serve to highlight (or should I say spotlight) the matter. Steve will playfully tell me to “mow” now and then, to which I’ll just look out the widow at the yard. Then he rolls his eyes.

So I go and “mow”.

I guess it matters how many miles your trimmer has on it (it has been a while since it’s last tune-up), because a couple of days ago, I killed my trimmer.

All was going well, considering I’m Italian and hair – however well-placed – tends to be thicker. Then, the screaming of the lambs began. This little battery-operated gadget that has served me so well for the past 5+ years just started screeching and grinding. It was awful. So I did what any wise and mature person would do…I replaced the battery. This only upset it more. The screaming became louder…as well as that of the trimmer.

Being the straight-acting, mature (YOUNG!!) gay guy I pride myself to be…I dropped the trimmer, ran downstairs to the kitchen and poured myself a Cosmo…to settle my nerves.

The little umbrella with the wedge of pineapple really took the edge off.

Cosmo downed, nerves settled, stock of situation taken, umbrella tucked behind ear to play “gay-sha”, I began to laugh in spite of myself.

“Just how bad does it have to be for someone to kill a nose hair trimmer??” And do they all make that hideous sound when they die? Fortunately, Steve had another trimmer and handed it to me (a little too fast, I might add…hmmm).

I suppose I can chalk this up to experience. Part of growing up is learning that things die. It’s the natural order. The circle of life.

Thank the Celestial Muffin I am grown up and mature. Otherwise I might have handled this incident badly. (hehe)

Oh, and happy early birthday, Sis!! I know JUST what to get you as a present.

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Posted in Just For Fun, Our Writings | 3 Comments »

Here Comes Another Snow Job

Posted by Daniel on April 26, 2006

The White House has, indeed, decided to confirm Fox News’ Tony Snow to replace outgoing White House press secretary Scott McClellan. White House officials recently spoke with Snow “to see if he would be interested in the job,” according to The New York Times. Snow is the host of Fox News Radio’s The Tony Snow Show, a regular commentator and guest host on Fox News, and a former speechwriter to President George H.W. Bush.

First off, I hope the Snow-Job description has him prepared for Helen Thomas. And I also hope Helen is prepared to tear phoney Tony a new one. Bush should have just cut out the need to “appear” truthful and unbiased by hiring Jeff Gannon to stand behind the podium and lie-lie-lie.

Tony may be speaking for the acting-President (who, by the way, cannot act), but I predict he’ll be spending his first week (at least) answering questions like:

Do you still think President Bush is a “wimp” and looks “impotent” for not “veto[ing] a single bill of any type”?

From Snow’s September 30, 2005, column:

Begin with the wimp factor. No president has looked this impotent this long when it comes to defending presidential powers and prerogatives. Nearly 57 months into his administration, President Bush has yet to veto a single bill of any type. The only other presidents never to issue a veto — William Henry Harrison and James Garfield — died within months of taking office.

Could you elaborate on the “leaden phrases” and the “unbearably abstract and dull” portions of Bush’s “Social Security sales pitch” that made it “stink[]”?

From Snow’s May 4, 2005, column:

Polls indicate President Bush is taking a pounding on the issue of Social Security. I will explain tomorrow why many of these reports are exaggerated. Today, I’ll focus on the simpler issue of why his Social Security sales pitch stinks.

Check out the leaden phrases: “the math has changed … 40 million retirees receiving benefits … more than 72 million retirees drawing Social Security benefits … 16 workers for every beneficiary … 3.3 workers for every beneficiary; soon there will be two workers for every beneficiary … In 2017 … by 2041 …”

Not one syllable of this stuff resonates with people sitting at home watching on TV. It sounds as if some rogue accountant has invaded the president’s body, and filled his head statistical dross.

I agree with the president, and I actually sympathize with his argument, but this is unbearably abstract and dull. So what would I, Mr. Smarty Pants Radio Host, do instead? I would speak Dinner Table English.

With the failure of Harriet Miers’ Supreme Court nomination, do you consider Bush’s presidency effectively over?

From Snow’s October 7, 2005, column:

So now things get interesting. The president has stirred up a lot of mischief, but Miers has to clean up the mess. The upcoming confirmation hearings will determine her fate — and the president’s. If she defies expectations, George Bush will look like a genius. If the Senate rejects her nomination, his presidency will come effectively to an end.

Do you still believe that Republicans nationwide “behave like reckless heirs to someone else’s fortune”?

From Snow’s November 11, 2005, column:

Elected Republicans and their legislative leaders nationwide have fallen prey to the natural temptation to view power as their birthright, rather than a reward for hard and righteous work. This explains why they behave like reckless heirs to someone else’s fortune. It’s a little difficult to mock Ted Kennedy or Howard Dean when George W. Bush can’t even say no to peanut institutes in Alabama or gambling halls (rather than, say, repaired levees) in Louisiana.

Would you still argue that the Republican Party is “packed with cowards”? Or that the president’s “compassionate conservatism” is “a slogan that exceeded skeptics’ worst expectations”? Or that Bush “lack[ed] not only conviction, but vision” when he signed McCain-Feingold? If not, what has caused you to change your mind, aside from having accepted this job?

From Snow’s December 3, 2005, column:

When Democrats gibber about Republicans’ writhing in a culture of corruption, they’re on to something — but not what they think. The Republican Party in Washington is in trouble not because it’s overrun by crooks, but because it’s packed with cowards — and has degenerated into a caricature of the party that swept to power 11 years ago promising to take on the federal bureaucracy and liberate the creative genius of American society.

Hence, George W. Bush’s “compassionate conservatism” — a slogan that exceeded skeptics’ worst expectations. That phrase, aimed at reassuring suburban white moms and queasy left-wing Republicans, became a white flag on the core issue of government size and might. Bush insiders even began boasting about “big government” conservatism — oblivious to the fact that big government does not conserve or preserve; it crushes and digests, devouring institutions that challenge its supremacy.

When House Speaker Denny Hastert broke arms to secure votes for a pork-packed highway bill, calling the legislation a “jobs bill,” it was an embarrassment. When the president signed a campaign-finance bill he called unconstitutional, he seemed to lack not only conviction, but vision.

In your estimation, has the “Conservative Movement” bounced back after Bush’s and the Republicans’ spending policies “shattered” it “like a broken mirror, into dozens of jagged, sharp and discordant pieces”?

From Snow’s September 1, 2004, column:

In addition, George W. Bush has made it clear that “compassionate conservatism” is expensive conservatism — a formula many Republicans consider oxymoronic (and others, just “moronic”).

When it comes to spending, George W. Bush is the president who hasn’t said no. He has approved the most dramatic expansion of government activity and expense since Richard Nixon and unlike Nixon, or any other modern president, hasn’t vetoed a single bill in his first term of office.

Not so long ago, one could count on Republicans at least to defend the idea of limited government, but no more. This is the chief reason the Conservative Movement has shattered, like a broken mirror, into dozens of jagged, sharp and discordant pieces.

Will you pursue amicable relations with Senate Democratic Leader Harry Reid (D-NV), even though he “behave[s] in such an inane manner,” and “made official his descent into the Moonbat Grotto”?

From Snow’s September 26, 2005, column:

Harry Reid was a famously nice guy before he became the Senate Democratic leader. Although reliably partisan, he built a well-earned reputation for playing the role of nice guy, the man of genial calm.

No more: The senator this week made official his descent into the Moonbat Grotto by issuing a lame rebuke of John Roberts, the president’s choice to become the next chief justice of the Supreme Court.

Reid’s performance raises an interesting and vital question: What on earth would persuade a naturally nice man to behave in such an inane manner — and why would a majority of Democrats join him in voting against John Roberts, who may be the strongest high-court nominee in a century?

These are going to be some interesting and entertaining press sessions. Don’t miss it. I just feel sorry for Bill O’Reilly. He must feel so empty without Tony’s head up his ass.

By the way, in case you still need examples of Tony’s lying, read the following:
From his statement that evolutionary theory is a “hypothesis” to his defense of Swift Boat Veterans for Truth, Media Matters for America has documented numerous false and misleading claims advanced by Snow as a Fox News commentator:

  • Snow falsely asserted that former ambassador Joseph C. Wilson IV said his wife, Valerie Plame, “wasn’t covert for six years” before she was exposed as a CIA operative by syndicated columnist Robert Novak.
  • Snow put forward numerous falsehoods to argue that “[e]volutionary theory, like ID [intelligent design], isn’t verifiable or testable. It’s pure hypothesis.”
  • Snow claimed that Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg is the “most liberal justice in American history,” despite evidence to the contrary.
  • Snow peddled the baseless Republican National Committee talking point that 2004 presidential candidate Sen. John Kerry (D-MA) had blamed U.S. troops for the explosives looted from the Al Qaqaa military installation following the invasion of Iraq. Snow said, “[T]he Kerry campaign is not criticizing the president here. They’re criticizing our troops.”
  • Following President Bush’s lead, Snow distorted Kerry’s stated desire to reduce terrorism to a “horrible nuisance.” Snow claimed Kerry had “called terrorists a nuisance.”
  • Snow backed Swift Boat Veterans for Truth’s attacks on Kerry, falsely claiming, “[T]here has been no documentary contradiction of the Swift Boat stuff.”
  • Snow falsely defended Bush from probing questions regarding his National Guard service.

Thanks to: Media Matters and Fox News. Media Matters reports. Fox News decides for you.

Posted in News, Politics | Leave a Comment »

The Don Quixote of The Maple Seed

Posted by Daniel on April 25, 2006

“In a place in La Mancha, whose name I do not care to recall, there dwelt not so long ago a gentleman of the type wont to keep an unused lance, an old shield, a greyhound for racing, and a skinny old horse.”

Here’s the story of my partner, Steve, and his annual battle with the Maple Seed. To better explain this dramatic story, perhaps some background info would first be in order.

Every Spring (you know, that season I do so love…NOT!), there comes the usual events. Plants and trees budding. My battle of wits with a very pesky garden-destroying mole. The constant hot-then-cold-then-hot-again weather. The monsoon-like rains. And, lest we forget, my personal favorite…pollen. But there is also something about Spring that sets Steve’s conquering spirit off…the raining of the maple seeds. For those who aren’t familiar with these locusts of the tree world, I’ve placed a photo of one below (shown more or less actual size).
These seeds – we call them helicopters because of the way they spin as they fall – come from the most prolific trees I’ve ever seen. Our neighbor, both on either side of us, as well as behind and across the street, all seem to have at least one of these maple trees. So when Spring rolls around, everything is literally covered in these seeds. This seed rain from hell lasts about two to three weeks and the mess they make is both astounding and irritating. Enter Steve Quixote…

On Sunday’s, Steve and I like to have our coffee out on our deck. Naturally, since I’m usually up first, I like to sweep the deck while his coffee is perculating (I AM SUCH A GREAT HUSBAND!!!). Overnight, any number of things tend to fall on our deck…and we have a big deck. (tee-hee) It’s nice to sit out there and enjoy the morning while listening to all the birds. Or so Steve would really rather have it. Generally it turns out to be him trying to relax, but instead he has to sit there and listen to me babbling about all of the plantings and the progress of each…really shit he could care less about.

*NOTE: Actually, Steve really loves the plants and pretty flowers we usually have every year…he just could REALLY care less how they got that way. 🙂

Anyway, back to the seeds.

As I mentioned, I usually have everything cleaned and swept off for his arrival outside. However, at this time of year, you turn your back for 30 seconds (I swear) and the deck and everything on it is covered in seeds again. Last Sunday three seeds had fallen into my coffee just as I turned to put the broom down.

Steve comes out for his Sunday morning babbling…I mean relaxation, but if one seed falls, he’s up and grabbing for the broom. He’ll sweep off everything, including what I’ve just swept – whether it needs it or not. Then as he’s coming back to the table (still sweeping seeds that are or are not there), another seed has fallen and he’s right back at it. This is the way our Sunday mornings on the deck tend to go. Me (Sancho Panza) babbling about plant shit and Steve (Don Quixote) jousting at helicopter “windmills”. Never does one of theseseed-sundays go by witout Steve shaking his fist at one of the neighbors’ trees and cursing them. Then, when he actually see the neighbors, he thanks them for those seeds…sweetly, but with a tinge of venom.

So what’s the point of this story? None really. It’s just one of my little observations. You see, there are many reasons I love my Steve. Far too many to list here. This vendetta he seems to have with the seeds is just one of them. He makes me laugh and smile…even when he doesn’t try.

I love you Don,

Sancho

Posted in Just For Fun | 5 Comments »

Sidus Condishud – Red

Posted by Daniel on April 24, 2006

I don't know about you, but I really hate Spring!

Okay, maybe hate is too strong a word.

No…on second thought, "hate" pretty much hits the nail on the head. I hate Spring.

It's not so much the whole Springtime enchilada as much as one aspect…POLLEN. I hate fucking pollen and everything it stands for. Yeah sure, it's Mother Natures' way of powdering her nose, but why do we have to be allergic to the stuff?? And what IS it about pollen that makes it the anti-nose candy?

Mother Nature
With all of the Spring rains we've been having, the air is packed with yellow dust. Last week, after a good rain, I swear my dark blue truck looked sea-green due to being covered in pollen from the surrounding trees and gardens.

It has all made me sick…literally. I haven't stopped sneezing in four days and my head feels like it wants to explode. (remember that scene from "Scanners"? Maybe this will better illustrate my mood…)

Ready...Set...BLOW!!!

Today, I feel like I'm the guy on the right.

So, as soon as I can get my head clear (is there such a thing as a head-douche??) I'll try to get back to writing.

***Sidebar: Yes, Margie, part four of Beginnings' End will be out shortly..and thanks, again, for the elephant-ear palms and for helping Steve and I figure out the stone jigsaw puzzle. You're such a sweetie.

So anyway, thanks to everyone for being so patient while I'm enjoying this wonderful fucking Springtime air. And pardon my fucking 'french', too. 🙂

Trying NOT To SneezeAchew!!!!

Posted in Just For Fun | Leave a Comment »

Just hearing it makes my skin crawl…

Posted by Daniel on April 21, 2006

No, I'm not talking about Bush or Rove or even Ann Coulter (though she does remind me of one of those wierd alien sluts Captain Kirk just had to screw in order to, yet again, free Mr. Spock).

I'm talking about our cats…and the stuff that comes out of them!! Eeeeewwww!!

What the hell IS it with these animals? Nature made them the sleek and (in my opinion) the coolest, hippest animals on the planet. They are pretty much self reliant, even when domesticated. You rarely (if ever) have to give them a bath. They know just where to go when they need to, well…go. Low maintenance. What could be better?? Okay, no comments from the "Pet Rock" fanatics. Up until recently, I thought the worst thing they did was spend hour after hour with hind legs thrown up to heaven, as they "toss their salads". It's really something for company to come over and, after Steve and I have hyped up the "kids" and their adorableness, the cat(s) in question saunter into the room, look around (highly unimpressed look on their faces), and plop down on the floor and "go to town" on themselves. While part of me is always embarrassed, another part of me feels jealous. Jeez, if I could do that, I'd never leave the house. But I digress…

Annie Tossing Her Salad

Funny thing about nature – She's a fickle bitch. She gives you a pet that is, for the most part, perfect. Then as she's walking away, she pauses, looks over her shoulder and says, "You know, I'm very proud of creating Annie and I'm very happy you're happy with her. But I don't want you to get spoiled, so I'm going to give your new pet some quid-pro-quo. First, she is going to have an attitude that is shitty beyond belief. And second, I am going to make her stomach ultra-sensitive…for no apparent reason and she will puke up some of the most hideous things without warning."

Okay, I'll admit, you do get a creepy warning…the cat will start wailing as though she's stuck in a well.

Our new cat, Annie (short for Annistasia Beaverhausen)(or, as I call her, "Get out of there!!") is still in the "baby" age (1-year), and about as adorable as she could be. She's also a serial killer in training. I swear she came from the "Pet Semetary", because she is about the most evil little Tazmanian Devil who enjoys nothing more than beating the snot out of our other 3 cats. I have to admit….it's funny and somewhat entertaining.

Her other talent is puking up some of the most vile stuff ever seen.

Our cats never go outside, but sometimes I swear she's eaten a bear, because that's pretty much what she coughs back up. I know, it's gross. But hey, I'm the one who has to put on the HAZMAT suit and grab the shovel, the Rug Doctor, and the rake (for those especially fluffy hairballs) each and every morning!! Trust me, you don't know the meaning of fear untill you're face to face with her icky alien progeny.

This morning I'm drinking my coffee, banging away at the PC (as I do every morning) when both Ian (the Tolerator) and Annie (the Terminator) sachet into my office and commence their hourly ritual of after-breakfast ass-kicking. It's pretty funny and a nice distraction from the PC screen. Of course, things tend to get out of hand (Annie's a little too butch for her own good) and the "fuzzy Daddy" (Me) has to intervene before the other two come in (interrupting their hourly ass-licking…eeewww!!) and a kitty free-for-all occurs.

Ian scrams (he's such a pussy!!) and Annie sits there looking at me defiantly as if to say, "You interrupt my work one more time, 'Giver-of-the-Kibbles', and you're next!" I shake the stern-daddy finger at her and then turn back to my work.

My reward for meddling is on it's way up.

Off to the side, just out of my periphery, I hear it. It's coming…and this one sounds BIG!! The sound. Oh, gawd, the sound!! It's the hideous sound of someone banging on a door that is made of mud! You know that scene from Gremlins where it gets wet and icky things start bubbling up? Yeah, that's even less gross than what Annie's cooking up. That sound…"ulp, ulp, ulp, ulp…".

I want to run. Run far away. But I just know I'll end up doing the ultimate "Eeewww!!"…I'll step on it. (yes, Annie's a bit of a barf trail-er)(what can I say…she's gifted..her daddy and I are so very proud of her)
Then, after what seems an eternity of wheezing and "Ulping", it's born.

The Worm Guy
The evil no legged thing from Poltergeist II. I scream, "Jeebus, Annie…make it stop!!"

No such luck. She's doing it and (I just KNOW) thinking, "This is so – ulp – pretty. I'm sure my – ulp – daddy will want me to – ulp – make many of them – ulp – all the way downstairs. ULP"

Oh gawd…when will this ghoulish nightmare end??

Finally, she's done. It never ceases to amaze me how a cat can give birth to such a horrible thing, then run like hell away from it…(well, I never said cats are stupid).

Now comes the really fun part. This is the part that, I swear, will eventually start a puking daisy chain. I have to pick it up and clean away any and all traces of it's existance. This, you've just GOT to see. I've done it so often, it's evolved into somewhat of an interpretive dance. Paper towels (gobs of them, thank you) at the ready…I grab it. Oh shit, it's wiggling!! I mummify it in the towels. Still moving (did it just scream??). I end up having to put the Smackdown on it as well as a few bitch-slaps thrown in for good measure. As I run like the wind to deposit it into the trash, I'm ever-mindful that the path I'm taking is a varitable puke-pasture minefield and one wrong step will make this morning end badly. (fuzzy daddy so wants to keep his cool…without losing his lunch)

After about 30 minutes, peace has once again folded over the manor. The cat explosion is all cleaned up, the trash taken out and Annie (look at her, she's such an angel) is passed out asleep on one of Daddy's favorite antique chairs that she KNOWS she's not allowed on. Do I let her sleep? No, I decide it's time for payback. So, on my way out the door to go to work, I first grab the squirtgun and give her a good hosing down. Then I stoop down, look her in those creepy yellow owl-eyes, pat her wet head and sachet my happy ass out the door.

I swear I heard her say behind me, "Same time tomorrow, Asshole!!"

Posted in Just For Fun, Our Writings | 2 Comments »

Update – Jason Johnson vs. University of the Cumberlands

Posted by Daniel on April 20, 2006

Rally Held for Gay Student Expelled from the University of the Cumberlands

Jason Johnson

A rally was held in support of former University of the Cumberlands student Jason Johnson at a Williamsburg, Kentucky, park yesterday. Johnson was expelled after officials at the Baptist-affiliated school discovered that he was gay be reading his MySpace.Com profile which discussed his dating life with boyfriend Zac Dreyer. While Johnson did not attend the rally himself, Dreyer did.

Also in attendance was openly gay Kentucky Senator Ernesto Scorsone (D-Lexington). In his speech, Scorsone criticized the Republican state senate president David Williams. Williams paid Cumberlands a visit on Tuesday to support the university’s anti-gay policies and to present a novelty check for the Cumberlands’ proposed pharmacy school. The $10 million funding from the state has came under fire after Johnson’s expulsion. While the bill granting the funds passed, it still needs Governor Ernie Fletcher’s signature before it is a done deal. Fletcher has line-item veto power to eliminate the funding without killing the entire bill but is adopting a wait-and-see approach with staff members citing accreditation concerns as well as church/state ones for which he has sought a legal opinion from his general council.

In related news, Johnson and his lawyer reached an agreement with the University of the Cumberlands involving the fate of his semester credits. Johnson will be allowed to complete his coursework for this semester and avoid getting a failing grade as Cumberlands wanted. In exchange for this, Johnson must surrender his right to sue the university. Johnson can still file complaints with the University of the Cumberlands’ accrediting organization as well as the US Department of Education. Unless his lawyer told him that he really had no grounds for a lawsuit against Cumberlands, I personally think this was a bad move on his part. The credits can be made up and I seriously doubt that admissions staff at Eastern Kentucky University, the school Johnson is hoping to transfer to and where his boyfriend attends, would be oblivious to the reasons why Johnson received failing grades his final semester given the amount of publicity that this case has generated. And a financial settlement with Cumberlands would have more than made up for the tuition money lost.

One thing that strikes me as a little fishy about this whole thing is how the University of the Cumberlands seems to be playing this whole thing out as a case of Johnson violating their rules on having sex before marriage. In a statement released yesterday, University of the Cumberlands president James Taylor said the following:

“Our policy with respect to sex outside of marriage is entirely lawful. No federal, state or local law has been violated. Not everyone likes the university’s policy. But the university does not establish policy on the basis of popularity or political correctness; our policies are rooted in the values of the institution.”

Taylor is correct, as a private religious school it does have the right to set such a policy and enforce it. And he is also correct in stating that But my question is how does James Taylor and the rest of the University of Cumberlands administration certain that Jason Johnson and Zac Dreyer were having sex? I browsed through both of their MySpace.Com profiles and could not find anything mentioning sex. We can assume they have been having sex but we do not know whether or not they have been celibate or fucking like rabbits. So unless they actually witnessed Johnson and Dreyer actually having sex, it is all supposition on their part so in essence they were not enforcing their policy.

Posted in GLBT, Religion | 2 Comments »

Posted By Revel – This Bears Repeating

Posted by Daniel on April 20, 2006

by Roddy McCorley of the Daily Kos

Tue Apr 18, 2006 at 03:50:16 PM PDT

Well, it took me awhile, but I finally realized what “I’m the decider” reminds me of. It sounds like something a character in a Dr. Seuss book might say.

So with apologies to the late Mr. Geisel, here is some idle speculation as to what else such a character might say:

I’m the decider.
I pick and I choose.
I pick among whats.
And choose among whos.

And as I decide
Each particular day
The things I decide on
All turn out that way.

I decided on Freedom
For all of Iraq.
And now that we have it,
I’m not looking back.

I decided on tax cuts
That just help the wealthy.
And Medicare changes
That aren’t really healthy.

And parklands and wetlands
Who needs all that stuff?
I decided that none
Would be more than enough!

I decided that schools
All in all are the best
The less that they teach
And the more that they test.

I decided those wages
You need to get by
Are much better spent
On some CEO guy.

I decided your Wade
Which was versing your Roe
Is terribly awful
And just has to go.

I decided that levees
Are not really needed.
Now when hurricanes come
They can come unimpeded.

That old Constitution?
Well, I have decided
As”just goddam paper”
It should be derided.

I’ve decided gay marriage
Is icky and weird.
Above all other things,
It’s the one to be feared.

And Cheney and Rummy
And Condi all know
That I’m the Decider –
They tell me it’s so.

I’m the Decider
So watch what you say
Or I may decide
To have you whisked away.

Or I’ll tap your phones.
Your e-mail I’ll read.
`cause I’m the Decider –
Like Jesus decreed.

Yes, I’m the Decider
The finest alive
And I’m nuking Iran.
Now watch this drive!

Nowt that I think about it, Dr. Seuss anticipated this administration pretty well when he wrote Yertle the Turtle

Posted in Politics | 1 Comment »

This is dedicated to the one I love…

Posted by Daniel on April 19, 2006

Icky Things

Okay, I'm speaking to all the married and/or "partnered" men out there. It's high time this was said and I don't care if it makes me look sappy or whipped or wimpy.

There ought to be a day (like a national holiday) set aside for husbands to tell their spouse, "I love you."

I know what you're saying…"There's already Valentines Day for that." Okay, I'll give you that one. And while I do my best to shop for just the perfect and most sincere commercialized crap for my Baby Cakes, somehow it just never seems to make the sentiment last throughout the year. A Valentine card is nice, but unless you give it to your spouse in Hawaii, that same card will be pitched into the recycle bin by St. Paddy's Day. The same goes for the Valentine candy/flowers. The flowers wilt and die, and end up at the top of your compost heap. As for the candy, well, as "thoughtful" a gift as that is supposed to be, you'll hear just how thoughtless it really was for the next week as they step off the scale. "You might as well have just taped those chocolates right onto my ass!!"

Note to self: Buy more tape.

What I really mean is a national holiday that celebrates the fact that you honestly do love your better half. No gifts are to be exchanged – that only cheapens the holiday, no matter how much tape or chocolate or diamonds you buy. No, this holiday is just to be set aside on the calendar for you to look your sweetheart in the teary eyes (from pulling off all that tape) and saying, "I love you, Steve."

*This can also work with names like Amber, Roger, Brittany, Paris, Chablis, Clem, Madonna…you get the idea.

I know that my Sweetheart KNOWS that I love him. I know he never doubts my love for him. But I also know that I must understand his need to have that love reaffirmed…daily. I guess it's easy for him to think I'm losing interest in him if I don't say, "I love you, Pookie" as often as possible.

Dr-A-ma!!

Don't get me wrong, My other half is by no means a Drama Queen. He never throws into a hissy fit or anything like that if I'm not standing at the bathroom door, ever at the ready to shout out my love for him as an affirmation, right in the middle of poop-e-doo's. In fact, he hates it when I stand outside the bathroom door applauding. He just can't help saying – playfully – "You don't love me anymore, do you?" I try to be a good husband and answer that question honestly (YES) and with as little bloodshed as is possible ("Why'd you have to stop and think before you answered??). Jeebus, I love him!!! :p

Well, Sweetheart, this is how much I love you. Today – Wednesday, April 19, 2006 – I proclaim as "National Love Your Spouse By Saying It Day".

Love Character

I love you, Steve.

Posted in Just For Fun | 2 Comments »

Beginnings’ End – Part Three – Rex

Posted by Daniel on April 17, 2006

This city. It's always been a fascinating and, yet, bewildering place. Nowhere else, and at no other time, has such a relatively small area played host to such a diverse mix of people and cultures. Well, there was Babel, but that was His little project and that's one of many memories best not thought of again. Besides, how could the story of Babel compare to the wonders this city offers?

The sights and sounds of this century were almost unworldly compared to those of the past. The contrasts between past and present were astounding, yet the underlying human mentality remained the same. They were capable of the most beautiful of traits, imagination. Yet there was, after the eons of evolution, the same pervasive fears and paranoia. In that way, humans were the eternal conundrum. Worst of all, they still feared what they call 'death'. Pity.

Focus. There was work to do and fauning over the human condition was a distraction for another time. Besides, remember what happened the last time you transmutated into human form "to personally and thouroughly examine that particular human". The chain of events that little stunt started are still cause for panic at home.

The girl was still inside talking to another friend. It could be done then and there, but she deserved to 'begin' out of sight from people who knew her. It was always better among strangers. She ducked outside – finally – laughing as she walked towards the intersection. As humans go, she was what humans considered attractive. "What a waste.", they would say. The hot drink she had in her hands was an obvious comfort to her as she, like everyone else around her, shrugged against the cold. Soon, child. The warmth of the 'beginning' will wrap around you. The end of the cold. How lucky you are. Now is the time.

Saddling up next to her was so easy. People never seem to see anything. Who pays attention? Not that they would see even if they were. First, the small of the back. Feel the air around you get warm. She's noticed. Let her bathe in it for a bit longer. Is that man seeing? No, not possible. He's probably just coyly admiring her. No, he's looking straight at us!! Not possible. Focus. She deserves our focus. Humans can't see. He's attractive, for a human.

There. Now the head. She almost leans back into it, as if she knows her carporial life is over. This part never fails to amaze, however, it's also the moment the body falls. That's when people tend to pay attention. They see that, but still tend to go on their way as if it's nothing they should get involved with. Sure, that does make the job easier, but it's still very sad.

Time to go, child. You're needed elsewhere. What was that? Did he just look again? Yes! He's yelling at the people around her as he tries to aid her, yet he's also staring directly this way. He SEE'S! This isn't possible!! The last human with the curse of sight joined the 'beginning' countless millennia ago, and there hasn't been another since. We have to go, now. Almost through. He sees. He's coming after us. Why is this happening?

Not only does this human see us…he seems to know what he's seeing. This is all wrong. The promise couldn't have been broken. We've done what we came to do – have always done – without error or remorse. Have they truly started this again? Is this human one of theirs? Does his soul belong to the Keepers?

We're at the gateway now. Almost safe.

This isn't a game. Why do the Keepers act as if they don't know what will happen if the human realizes, or worse, succeeds? He's almost upon us. His speed is like that of the last one, though he obviously doesn't know it yet.

She's through and gone now. Gateway closing, thankfully. He's in front of us now. Yes, he does see. He is looking right into our eyes. It's as if he's studying us – taking in every bit of visual data he can. We remember this scene. It really is happening again. We have to find out why. The Keepers will explain everything, surely. But as for this one, we'd better study him closer. We will be seeing more if him obviously. Look into his mind.

Confusion, obviously, and a fear that seems to run deeper than to be simply a reaction to what he's seeing. There it is! Dormant. Everything this human was predestined for. Even those memories from his ancestor yet to be realized. Fate, it seems, has a horrible plan for the humans and their dream-like world. Again. The Keepers play this game to no ones benefit. Not even theirs. How many countless generations has it been since the last hunter? How many humans had to die without reason merely as a gruesome and pointless game pieces? We'll get the answers, but for now…

For now, this human is to be silenced. A wave of the hand and he's out like a light. He'll wake up with a hellacious headache and try, groggily to tell his tale. Fortunately no one will believe him. Another reason to adore the human psyche…they truly are blind to that which they can't see. This Joshua, however, warrants our full attention. The 'beginning' cannot be interrupted either by those goddamn Keepers, nor by the new enemy of humanity, Josh.

(to be continued…)

– – A short series by "The Tempest"

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Thanks for waiting…

Posted by Daniel on April 17, 2006


Okay, even though the Tech Guru's were able to get all WordPress blogs up and running again, they seemed to have dropped something…

LIKE MY LATEST POST!!!

Well, I suppose I should just be thankful they were able to fix whatever they screwed up.

You'd have loved the latest post, though…it was all about that asswipe Bill Frist playing the "gay marriage" card, yet again.  I really ripped him a new one.  But it's gone, so never mind.

Oh well, I suppose I can just post part three of "Beginnings' End".

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