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Archive for July, 2006

Sunday Funnies – New Barbie’s

Posted by Daniel on July 30, 2006

Kansas City area Barbie Doll
Mattel recently announced the release of limited edition Barbie dolls for the KC Metroplex market:


Leawood Barbie
-This princess Barbie is only sold at Town Center Mall. She comes with an assortment of Kate Spade handbags, a Lexus SUV, a longhaired foreign lap-dog named Honey, and a cookie-cutter dream house with a lawn service. Available with or without tummy tuck and face-lift. Workaholic ex-husband Ken comes with a Porsche.

Overland Park Barbie-This modern-day homemaker Barbie is available with Ford Windstar mini-van and matching gym suit. She gets lost easily and has no full-time occupation or secondary education. Traffic-jamming cell phone sold separately. Can swear in English and Spanish. Available at Target.

Independence Barbie–This recently paroled Barbie comes with a 9mm handgun, bowie knife, a’ 78 El Camino with dark tinted windows, and a meth lab kit. This model is only available after dark and can only be bought with cash,preferably small bills, unless you are a cop, then we don’t know what you are talking about.

Blue Valley Barbie–This yuppie Barbie comes with your choice of BMW convertible or Hummer H2. Included are her own Starbucks cup, credit card set, and country club membership. Also available are Shallow Ken and Spanish-speaking Nanny.

Paola Barbie–This pale model comes dressed in her own Wrangler jeans two sizes too small, a classic Metallica shirt, and Tweety Bird tattoo on her shoulder. Wants to major in NASCAR at K-State. She has a six-pack of Coors Light and a Hank Williams, Jr. CD set. She can spit over 5 feet and kick mullet-haired Ken’s ass when she is drunk. Purchase her pickup truck separately and get a confederate flag bumper sticker absolutely free. Available at Big Lots & Dollar General Stores.

Wyandotte County Barbie–This tobacco chewing, brassy-haired Barbie has a pair of her own high-heeled sandals with one broken heel from the time she chased Beer-Gut Ken out of Paola Barbie’s (discontinued) house. Her ensemble includes low-rise acid-washed jeans, fake fingernails, strawberry lip-gloss, and a see-through halter-top. Comes with Barbie’s dream doublewide trailer. Available at Wal-Mart Cheap.

The Grandview/Raytown Barbie–This collagen injected, rhinoplastic Barbie wears leopard print spandex and drinks cosmopolitans to new age music with friends at the lodge. Into crystals. Comes with Percocet prescription and botox. Also cheap.

Olathe Barbie–This Barbie now comes with a stroller, infant doll and Bible. Optional accessories include a G.E.D. and bus pass on the Jo. Gangsta Ken and his ’79 Caddy were available, but are now very difficult to find since the addition of the infant. Available at any Christian bookstore.

Brookside Barbie–This doll is made of actual tofu. She has long straight brown hair, archless feet, hairy armpits, no makeup, and Birkenstocks with white socks. She prefers that you call her “Willow.” She does not want or need a Ken doll, but if you purchase two Brookside Barbies and the optional Subaru wagon, you get a rainbow flag sticker free.

Lenexa Barbie–Is pregnant, drives a new Ford Excursion, and is perfect in every way. We don’t know who Ken is because he’s always away hunting or in Japan on business. Lenexa Barbie aspires to become Leawood Barbie. Not cheap, but still very naive.

Waldo Barbie–Into football, animals and bonfires. 98% belong to a cult, 2% are free thinking and void of any “traditions.” Does nothing but complain about Plaza Barbie.

Argentine Barbie–This Spanish-speaking-only Barbie comes with a 1984 Toyota with expired
temporary plates and three babies in the back, without car seats. This is the only Barbie willing to do manual labor. Ken comes in a
meat-packer’s uniform and is missing three fingers on left hand. Green cards are not yet available for Argentine Barbie or Ken.

Plaza Barbie/Ken–This versatile doll can be easily converted from Barbie to Ken by simply adding or subtracting the “snap-on” parts. Likes to “experiment.” Doesn’t understand why Waldo Barbie complains so much.

Topeka Barbie–would come with a 97 Ford Taurus with an unpainted body kit and crappy stereo system. This Barbie is twice the size of all the other Barbies and has more tattoos than Topeka Ken. Ghetto braids optional. And she’s still white, but she doesn’t “know it”.

Lawrence Barbie–This doll comes with a royal blue “Muck Fizzou” t-shirt, 70 parking tickets, and $20k in student loans. She thinks PHIL 100 is deep and gets excited when “I take Women’s Studies To Meet Girls” Ken asks if she wants to go to The Ranch. (She has a sister, Lawrence Skipper, but Skipper long ago declared corporate Mattel evil and destroyed her own box in protest.)

Gardner Barbie- Has never been North of 95th Street and complains about going “all the way to Olathe”. Comes with her own bag of fireworks, ill fitting t-shirt/shorts combination and has been banned from all 4 of the Gardner bars. Comes with optional motorcycle and current boyfriend.

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Posted in Just For Fun | 4 Comments »

Do children interact with other children any longer?

Posted by Daniel on July 30, 2006

I remember growing up (this would have been 1974 to 1980) in a neighborhood where there were many other kids my age (or at least within a few years).  I knew them all and my folks knew their parents.  It really was the neighborhood as a whole that raised us and watched out for us.

I remember, the Dorman’s had the “neighborhood” pool, the Cole’s had the “neighborhood” football field, the James’s had the “neighborhood” basket ball goal, and we had the “neighborhood” swing set/jungle gym/club house/sand box.  My dad was in construction so everything made out of wood popped up in our yard.  And at any time one of 15 mothers could look out their door and knew where we were whether it was on skate boards, bikes, or our own two feet.

I believe everyone, and I mean everyone…about 40 kids in all, are doing fantastic and are productive members of society.  Let’s see if anyone can say that about 40 children from the same neighborhood from 1990 forward.I look out my back door this evening to the yard just to the south and I see a swing set, a trampoline, and a fort.  Then I look to the yard just to the south/west and I see another swing set, trampoline, and play house.  And again, I look the yard just to the west and the same three items can be seen.

These three yards all shares a common piece of fence yet that appears to be the end of the sharing.  Is it the legal implications that home owners take on today or is it no longer possible for a parent to look out for any child that isn’t their own?  Not only is this confusing to me, it’s ugly as hell to look out my back door and see all this crap duplicated in every yard.  One trampoline is bad enough…but three in plain view without even turning your head.

Can’t anyone play nice together any longer?  Parent to parent or child to child.

Posted in Just For Fun | 1 Comment »

The Literary Canker Sore

Posted by Daniel on July 28, 2006

If ever there were a time I was sick of the media, now would probably be it. The pandering and coddling going on these days just to get the interview is sickening. What ever happened to asking the hard questions and demanding the honest answers?

Republicans blame the New York Times and CBS for leaning too far left. Democrats blame the Wall Street Journal and FOX for hatemongering.

I blame them all. A true journalist with a big shiny pair of investigative balls hasn’t been seen in countless years. Oh, there are a few scattered out there among the lying masses. Folks like Keith Olbermann of “Countdown” on MSNBC and Anderson Cooper of “360” on CNN. I’ll even throw in Rachel Maddow and Randi Rhodes of Air America Radio. All of these people are completely unafraid of going after the liars both in politics and in the media.

The above-mentioned are the ones you’ll never see (or hear) an interview with…say…Bill O’Reilly or George Bush or that lying skank Ann Coulter.

Speaking of that cross-legged yeast bag, this brings me to my utter disgust with the media of late.

Why is it that any time that slinky dress wearing cockroach is being interviewed, that person doing the interview see’s it necessary to compliment her on her looks? “Oh by the way, did I mention how utterly fantastic you look?” Chris Matthews of “Hardball” on MSNBC today actually said, “Welcome back to Hardball. With us is the ever-gorgeous Ann Coulter…”

Who gives a fuck about how she looks?! Why aren’t you asking her to provide actual hard evidence to back up all the supposed ‘facts’ in her latest book? Why is she always getting a pass when the questions get too hairy for her?

Okay…breathe in…breathe out. Calming soothing Suzanne Ciani music playing in the background.

Whewwwww.

Today, I was stupidly watching Chris Matthews’ interview with the vampiric Ann Coulter. I know better than that. Steve always tells me not to watch her because I get so fucking worked up.

Among the gems vomitted by her was when Matthews asked her to say whether or not she actually believed former President Bill Clinton was, in fact, a homosexual. [she made this claim last night on “The Big Idea With Donny Deutsch”] Apparently, because he loves to have sex with women, her twisted logic tells her that that means he is gay. When pressed on this for an answer today:

Matthews: “Is Bill Clinton a homosexual as you keep pointing out?”

Coulter: “No, I don’t think…Yes, I think the psycological pattern proves…Well, I can’t…I’ll say No. But Al Gore IS definately a faggot.”

Allllrightythen!!

So yes, I totally lost it. I have never screamed at a television so viciously as I did today (and I lived in Dallas when we won three Superbowls). I don’t put much past her saying anything hateful. But this bitch used the “F” word. That pulled out some words from me that I have never been even capable of thinking, much less saying. How dare she say the word faggot, never mind the fact that she called someone that name??

The “interview” went on with Matthews asking her about the UN. She made a terse comment about the bombing of the UN outpost in Lebanon being a “nice start” and then followed it up with, “If someone out there listening would wisen up, there would be a similar story about the building on 42nd Street”. (she was referring to the UN building on 42nd Street)
Last night on “The Big Idea”, she maintained that all of the Muslim world should, “…be turned into a parking lot…”

Flames!! Flames shooting from the sides of my face!! There wasn’t an object near me that I didn’t want to hurl at her putrid image on the TV.

If you ever have the displeasure of watching her interview, pay close attention to her exact words. Any time someone had a question that warranted her providing actual proof of any of her claims, she spouts off about how it’s all in her book. “It’s in my book. I’ve laid it out so that any breathing pond scum – which means liberal – can read it. Read my books. Go buy my book. You can read, can’t you? Oh, you’re a liberal? Well then, you should start off with something easy and fictional. Perhaps the New York Times.”

What gets me (among all the disgustingly obvious things about her) is that as much as she loves to rag on the New York Times as the medium of traitors, she never fails to mention, “I have five bestselling books on the New York Times Best-Seller List!!”

She’s as fake as her jewelry. And looks twice as cheap!!

A question asked by an audience member:

Q: “What will it take for Israel and Hizbu’llah to come to a ceasefire?”

A: “Read my book. Liberals are about being goddless.”

Q: “That wasn’t my question.”

A: “See what I mean? Liberals are never ever happy unless they’re complaining.”

There is no end to mANNgina’s lies.

By the way, have you ever noticed that in every interview, she sits cross-legged? Ever wonder why?

Perhaps this might clear things up…

Posted in Politics | 2 Comments »

Buh – Bye – Guy!!

Posted by Daniel on July 27, 2006

Okay. The time has come. I’ve hidden this part of my life for far too long. I’m coming out of the closet. The pain and shame of hiding this very intimate side of my life has been just too much to bear.

Today I am officially ‘outing’ myself. Screw Fred Phelps. To hell with Jerry Falwell. Anita Bryant can suck my naval orange.

Okay, that last one slipped. I know she’s long-dead. So don’t write to correct me.

I’m here…I’m queer…and I’m ‘N Sync‘s biggest fan!!

(hey, does that make me a Sync hole?)

I know what you’re thinking. I can just hear the whispers now…

“Dude, I thought I knew that guy!”

“Fuck, you think you know someone and then they tell you this shit!!”

“Oh my gawd!! And I slept with you!!!”

I make no apologies for my hidden pleasure. As a matter of fact, I have each and every album.

  1. *NSYNC (1998)
  2. Home For Christmas (1998)
  3. The Winter Album (1998) (hey, it was a very busy year for them!!)
  4. No strings Attached (2000)
  5. Celebrity (2001)
  6. Greatist Hits (2005)

What…you thought they only had two? Better renew your subscription to Tiger Beat!!

A-a-anyhoo…

Yesterday I got the news I had been hoping to get on J.C. and/or Justin. Alas, it was one of the three do-woppers in back…Lance. Yes folks, Lance Bass has come out and in an interview with PEOPLE magazine, told the world he is, in fact, gay.

Huh? WTF?? No!! Say it isn’t so! No, really, tell me it’s not so. Where the fuck is J.C. and Justin’s long-awaited coffession? Where is the justice? Where is the closure? Where are my Justin & J.C. bobbleheads that have been so much fun?

Well fine then! Lance it is. You know, in all these years, I never really gave Lance a second look. I mean, he’s not the front man. He’s the bass (or is that spelt base?). The deep voice that we rarely heard over the yummy J & J.

So, Lance baby is a ‘mo. Yeah team. You go gurl!! You’ve got the bang. You’ve got the bucks. But can you represent? What kind of stardust can you spread on behalf of all of us Friends of Dorothy?

I mean really, the guy wanted to be shot into space!

Wait just a fish-netted-mascara-swiping minute! He is the one who wanted to be strapped to an enormous phallic object and then spurted into space, right?

Huzzah! Mystery solved.

So, what kinda guy catches the petite Lance’s eye, you might ask?

W-e-e-l-l-l…take a gander at this:

That’s right, ladies. It’s the ever-so-yummy Reichen Lehmkuhl. Winner of CBS’s “Amazing Race 4”. The ex-Air Force pilot. Captain Lehmkuhl. The 32 year old actor. Back off bitches, he’s aaalll Lance’s.

The recently single ex of Chip Arndt. (loser)

According to Lance’s interview with People, he and Lehmkuhl are in a “very serious and stable” relationship. Isn’t that sweet? I really hope it lasts.

I give it a year…tops.

Not that I don’t want things to work out for the guys, but let’s face the ruffled facts…too much attention and media critiques generally kill most gay couplings.

That’s why Steve and I stay out of the limelight. We don’t want to end up like Ellen and Anne…or Jack and Ennis. After all, we do have children to consider.

I know. I know. What’s going to happen to ‘N Sync now? How is all of this going to affect the pending comeback album? I dunno, but I’m on pins and needles just like you.

J.C. and Justin, if you’re reading this (and I know you do since I’m your biggest fan!!), take a hint from Lance. Stand up. Say it loud and proud. I want it to be you, not the Bass.

I don’t like fish.

Posted in GLBT | 2 Comments »

More Wisdom From The Most Powerfully Stupid Man On Earth

Posted by Daniel on July 26, 2006

Okay, I’ll admit, I just can’t pass up any chance to share Bushism’s.  What can I say?  The man’s a goldmine of unintelligence!  And to think, this is the ignoramous who 54 million people voted for and now has his remedial finger on the very scary button.

Enjoy these gems and remember, he speaks for and represents you…

 

Posted in Just For Fun | Leave a Comment »

Caution: Gay Construction Ahead – Part 3 – Adding Insult to injury.

Posted by Daniel on July 24, 2006

The more of this construction stuff I’m doing around the house, the more I learn that straight guys are just a teensy bit more like us than even they care to admit. Case in point:

Whenever straight guys are working on any type of inside or outside-the-house projects, there is always that special tool they’ll need to buy for the occasion.

Kinda like how we are planning a night out to go dancing at the Izzit Inn and have blown through the closet piecing together the fourteenth wardrobe combination, only to decide we need to go shopping.

This is, I suppose, how shopping for tools apparently came so easy to me.

Before starting on our laundry list of projects – both inside and outside – this year, our tool chest in the garage consisted of two wimpy hammers (that don’t match), a butt-load of mismatched screwdrivers that it looks like we found in the street, every hex driver that came with certain pieces of Wal Mart ‘furniture’, and a handful of weird screws and nails, half of which were either bent or stripped.

Oh how times have changed. In order to take down the old deck, I needed a reciprocating saw (a/k/a “Saw’s-All”). If you aren’t familiar with this little gem, imagine one of those electric knives people used to carve turkeys with in the 80’s. Now picture that and a jack-hammer having sex. My Saw’s-All would be their 15 pound baby.

So far, we’ve used this tool to take down the old deck, dismantle the bar downstairs in the family room, and now it’s being used in the construction of the new deck.

Yesterday, I met it’s cousin, the “Hammer Drill” (made by the same company and it looks just like my saw). Steve’s bother owns that hot little number.

Another recent aquisition came when Steve’s brother Ric (who loves to show off his tools) made fun of my wimpy little hammer and pulled out this thing that I thought was an axe. It was a hammer, only twice the regular size. Well, that just set Steve off and on his next shopping spree, he hands me my very own hammer-zilla. I loved what he said when he handed it to me, “Nobody puts Baby in a corner.”

It’s called a “Fat Max”, and once I got over the clandestine inuendo, I loved it!

This new hammer has already smashed the finger that I mangled working on our brick patio a couple of months ago.

He also bought me an 18-inch hack saw. This little piece of work is the cause of my current injury.

Funny thing about working on any construction site (even in your own back yard), you really have to be conscious of where people are putting tools.

I needed to get a piece of scrap wood from a pile and after grabbing the right one, I stepped over a box of deck hardware, only to discover (the hard way) that someone had placed the hack saw into the box, blade side out. The blade went right into my shin bone. It was the bottom saw in this picture.

(there WAS going to be a picture here, but it was just too gross. but if you’re that morbid, click this link)

Oh, the pain!

Oh, the blood!!

Oh, the hysterics!!!

Oh, the shopping I’m going to have to do!!! After all, one apparently does need the appropriate safety gear for these types of projects.

Does anyone know where I can get my hands on a rhinestone-encrusted tool belt and some velvet-lined knee pads?

Posted in Gay Construction, Our Writings | 4 Comments »

Caution: Gay Construction Ahead – Part 2 – That Looks Fabulous!!

Posted by Daniel on July 22, 2006

Ever feel like people expect more out of you if you’re gay and working on a new project? As if to say,”You’re the gay guys…aren’t your people supposed to be clever and creative?”

Look, just because we have great fashion sense (for the most part), can make a fabulous centerpiece out of left over dress beads and cake frosting, are fast with the snappy retorts (sometimes to our detriment) and smell good collectively, don’t pigeon-hole or stereotype us.

This is my reaction to our friends and neighbors when they look at Steve and I all confused because we still don’t know the first thing about assembling a deck.

“Deck? Um, no. I thought we were talking about something else. Silly me. How about I hold the nail while you strike it viciously with that big hammer? You know I’m such a dainty flower and you’re the verile construction type person.”

“Prissy! Fetch me mah smellin salts!”

Okay, that was a bit of faggy artistic license gone awry, but you get the point, right?

Actually, Steve and I are normally pretty good at certain projects around the house. He’s much better with the stuff that happens inside, while I tend to thrive on the outdoor projects. However, when we’re working on a project together, either in or outside, we tend to figure out what we’re supposed to be doing kinda quick.

Oh, I’m not saying there isn’t the occasional butting of heads over ideas on doing it this way or that – because, again, we’re such a fucking creative and imaginative people – but we usually end up with some very nice results to go along with the cuts, bruises and pulled hair. Kidding.

So, we’re still working on this new deck. Last week, Steve’s brother and I mixed and poured concrete for the footings (12 of them) during that 104 degree weather. Fun. We also jacked up part of the house because there was some very old termite and wood rot damage to the boards that both lay atop the foundation and the board that goes above that to support the floor and walls. Big fat fucking fun that was! NOT!!!

Pilings poured and cured. House stabilized and repaired. We are now ready to actually build the deck.

“Prissy…!”

(to be continued…)

Posted in Gay Construction, Our Writings | Leave a Comment »

Moral Hypocrisy – Part One

Posted by Daniel on July 20, 2006

I’ve been patient. Sure, I’ve had several chances to speak my mind about the neoconservative efforts to throw gays to the electoral lions. And belive me when I say, I’ve only posted the relatively clean versions.

Fuck that. Oh, and to those who write me about my not seeing the bigger picture of the good Bush is doing; and my “not supporting our president in a time of war”, and all of that other right wing kool aid drinking shit…

FUCK BUSH!!

I’ll say it and I don’t give a damn who doesn’t like it! This fucker not only doesn’t represent real America but he also doesn’t represent those who live in this dimension.

Stating the painfully obvious, there is the war in Afghanistan (you remember that one, right?), the failed diversionary war in Iraq and the all-around “war on terror”. Never mind the leader of the largest terror organization is busy shitting on the Constitution on the Whitehouse.

Now we have the war between Israel and Lebanon. Or is that the war between Israel, Iran and Syria? Or is that the war between Israel and Hizbu’llah on behalf of the US? Or is that….?

The world is turning to shit and Americans are letting it happen. Why? Because our fearless leader is sitting on his pasty pimply ass in the Whitehouse putting his paw print on the very first veto of his failed presidency. That of the stem cell bill that just passed the House.

Last week, he pushed congressional republicans to force the issue of gay marriage (yet again) to a vote in both the House and Senate. Everyone knew this vote would fail in both, however getting this vote allows the republican party to use the names of those Democrats who voted against this legislation in attack ads saying things like, “Senator (or Representative) Joe Schmoe wants the dick smokers to be able to lay between you and your spouse and masturbate with the bible and wipe themselves with the flag.”

Okay, I’ll admit that’s a little extreme. I’d make the wife get out of the bed.

This is a somewhat illustrated definition of a ‘Wedge Issue’. In this case, it’s something the republican party can use to rally their white-hood-and-sheet-wearing base to the polls with.

Before that it was Flag Burning.

Before that it was the Pledge of Allegiance.

Before that it was Gay Adoption.

Before that it was Lesbians who dress like men who can no longer parallel park.

You read or watch the news and wonder what the hell is up with Congress? Why is it that these are the issues they want to focus on rather than lives being lost in Iraq and other hot zones?

Don’t take your eyes off the bigger picture…

This is the real Wedge Issue!!

The man with his finger on the moral pulse of America. Bush has verbally made it clear to republicans that he wants the wedge issues riding through Congress, rather than any talk of war, deaths, Iraq, Israel, etc.

Keep the voters’ minds off of republican criminal investigations, off of his ‘Bushisms’, off of Katrina, off of…

Whatever it takes! Just keep the base stirred up for the next sixteen weeks.

Why is this so important to Bush? Because he knows that if republicans lose Congress in November, he will likely be censured (at the very least) and much of his legislation will be either revisited or overturned altogether.

To Be Continued…

Posted in GLBT, Our Writings, Politics | Leave a Comment »

What’s In A Word?

Posted by Daniel on July 19, 2006

Shit

Sort of rolls off the tongue, doesn’t it?

Like “War President” or “Decider”.

Why is everyone so surprised our President uttered such a word – albeit candidly – in a setting so trivial as a G8 summit?

Let’s examine this word…shall we???

    • crap: obscene terms for feces
    • bullshit: obscene words for unacceptable behavior; “I put up with a lot of bullshit from that jerk”; “what he said was mostly bull”
    • jack: a small worthless amount; “you don’t know jack”
    • a coarse term for defecation; “he took a shit”
    • asshole: insulting terms of address for people who are stupid or irritating or ridiculous
    • denounce: give away information about somebody; “He told on his classmate who had cheated on the exam”
    • damn: something of little value; “his promise is not worth a damn”; “not worth one red cent”; “not worth shucks”
    • stool: have a bowel movement; “The dog had made in the flower beds” (*1)

Going a bit further:

Shit is a vernacular word in Modern English denoting the feces, the solid byproduct of digestion. It is an old and native English word, but following the Norman Conquest, Norman, Anglo-Norman, French, and Latin terms for many common objects and bodily functions began to be seen as more distinguished than native words, and thereafter feces became the accepted English noun, to defecate became the accepted English verb, and shit was no longer used in polite company. (*2)

The very fact that President Bush used this word during what he thought was a candid one-on-one over the shoulder conversation with Prime Minister Blair shouldn’t be so shocking. After all, these two have had hundreds of talks, both formal and informal, over the past 5+ years. Mr. Blair is obviously used to Mr. Bush using such colorful language, which would explain his stiff upper lip reaction (or lack thereof) and subsequent turning off of the nearby mic.

Let’s be realistic here…Our current president is a cusser going way back. W-a-a-a-y back.

You doubt me? Okay, try this. (all his words spliced together)

Also, don’t forget this: (by the way, he did this on my birthday, what a shithead!)

Sept. 4, 2000 – At a Labor Day event in Naperville, Ill., Monday morning, apparently oblivious of the microphone just inches from his mouth, Gov. George W. Bush made a crude offhand remark about a reporter that those in the campaign of his rival, Vice President Al Gore, hope will take some of the shine off Bush’s warm and sunny veneer.

Waving and smiling to the crowds, Bush and his running mate, former Defense Secretary Dick Cheney, seemed to be enjoying the generous reception offered by the Republican enclave in the Chicago suburbs.

Then Bush spotted New York Times reporter Adam Clymer, who has been with the paper since 1977, serving as national political correspondent during the 1980 presidential race, as polling editor from 1983 to 1990 and as political editor during the successful presidential campaign of Bush’s father in 1988.

“There’s Adam Clymer — major league asshole — from the New York Times,” Bush said.

“Yeah, big time,” returned Cheney.

Because of the crowd noise, few if any of the audience could hear the remarks. But reporters — especially those with radio or network TV sound equipment plugged into the microphone — heard the remark clearly. As of early afternoon Monday, media executives were reportedly deciding whether or not to use the tape. (*3)

Now granted, “Asshole” is a tad different than “Shit”, however both are pretty relative if you think about it.

Then again, so are Bush and Blair.

It’s just a word and words only offend when the person hearing them has a dirty mind.
Oh crap! I’m late for my shitty job!! I work in such a dump. Oh yeah, and my boss is such an asshole.

See?

Posted in Our Writings | Leave a Comment »

Who’s Less Alive – Us Or Stem Cells?

Posted by Daniel on July 18, 2006

The following piece is the work of an anonymous source. Anonymous because no one really seems to know who wrote the list. I did, however, add the “Dear Senator Brownback”. Then I mailed and emailed it to Brownback’s office.

Dear Senator Brownback:

Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding stem cells and God’s Law. I have learned a great deal from your holier-than-thou speeches, and try to share that knowledge with as many people as I can. For example, when someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, I simply remind them that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination. End of debate. Rick Santorum tought me that. However, I do need some advice from you regarding some of the other specific laws and how to follow them.

1. When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord (Lev.1:9). The problem is my neighbors. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?

2. I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?

3. I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of menstrual uncleanliness – Lev.15:19-24. The problem is, how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense.

4. Lev. 25:44 states that I may indeed possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can’t I own Canadians?

5. I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself?

6. A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an abomination (Lev. 11:10), it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don’t agree. Can you settle this?

7. Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle room here?

8. Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev.19:27. How should they die?

9. I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?

10. My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev. 19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them (Lev.24:10-16)? Couldn’t we just burn them to death at a private family affair like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14) I know you have studied these things extensively, so I am confident you can help. Thank you again for reminding us that God’s word is eternal and unchanging.

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