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Archive for December, 2006

Happy New Year!! 2007

Posted by Daniel on December 31, 2006

From all of us here at THE TEMPEST,

the VERY best to all of you for a

safe, prosperous and

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

It’s 2007!!!

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Another MySpace Blurb

Posted by Daniel on December 29, 2006

I love you!  What’s your name?Okay, I’m not stupid. I know there are some very freaky people out there on “the internets”. (and now we can add Tom Delay to that group…)

And I’ll admit, during this blogs’ holiday hiatus, I’ve been using more time than I should to play on MySpace. I will also admit that it’s been a rather fun and educational little diversion.

Politics is always a fun carcass to poke at with a stick, sure. But if you’ve been watching the news lately, it’s all retrospectives and the occasional blip covering the Death of Prestident Ford. (I really am very sad about his passing.) However, since there are so very few political stories to be had out there – and believe me, I’ve looked – I have to do something to pass the time.

Enter MySpace. Now, I know I’ve written before about the newly discovered fun that was MySpace, but now that I’ve really had the time to dive into it…I think I fear politics less.

Now, before I start out on this funny little roller coaster of a piece, I do want to point out one thing: I have met some very interesting and cool people on that site. I’ve begun to develop some friendships-from-across-the-miles that are, thus far, well worth the MySpace membership. I won’t mention names (you know who you are), but they’re my “top 24”.

That being said…

Oh, the masks that many on that site wear. Cute and sweet and interesting is their hard candy shell. Crack it open, and the freaky creamy center is exposed.

I have now got somewhere around 1570-ish “friends” listed on my page. That puts me somewhere in what is known as the “MySpace Friends Whore” category. The thing about that is that I get 15 – 25 friends requests daily. People who are parusing the site, see my picture on someone else’s friends list and then ask me to add them to my page. Believe it or not, I “deny” about half of them each time. Especially if I look at their page and see:

  1. They are under 21.
  2. They have porn on their page.
  3. They have pictures of models, but none of themselves.
  4. They have no picture at all. (a big hint they are spammers)
  5. They are “friends whores”.

I really do try to screen these prospects thoroughly. Most of the time, it’s with success. Many times, however, they slip through my screening net with deceptions. I’ve noticed that I’ll get a friends request to add them to my page, and their picture will be”clean”. Then, after I look over their page during my oh-so-stringent screening process (uh huh, right), if they pass the mustard, I’ll accept their request. Then, after the request is accepted, their picture has magically changed to “beefcake”. Sometimes, even to porn.

Now, I know I’ve said it before, but I feel that it bears repeating…I have nothing against a little “Beefcake” or “eye candy”, and if you look through my complete friends list, you’ll see a lot of people use that for their profile pic. Perfectly fine with me. One good thing about MySpace is that they don’t allow complete nudity on any part of their site. If some happens to sneek onto someone’s page, that page is eventually shut down when detected or reported.

I mention the above because I get a lot of snickering from friends (in the real world, the ones I actually see daily) who tell me, “Yeah, I went to your page and man, there sure a lot of shirtless guys on there. What’s up with that?”

What can I say? Just because some of those people use that as their default profile picture isn’t reason to tell them to get lost. Although, if their page doesn’t have some intelligent blog postings or intelligent blurbs…they’re 86’d by me.

I think the only scary part about MySpace or any other site like it is those people who start off great. You know, they are super funny. Sound intelligent. Are low-key and don’t pounce on you with the sex-talk. And believe me when I say, I can spot a double entendre in their messages from a mile away!!

There have been a couple of people who began this way…and we had some very intellectual back and forths over the past few weeks. It was a lot of fun.

THEN…

Something inside them said, “He’s ripe for the picking, now. Pounce on him!! Use the sexy words I taught you. He’ll love you long time. He’ll be all over you like Oprah at a buffet.

When you happen to notice the conversation is beginning to take an unusually dirty turn, that you can almost hear that wierd whispery soundtrack from the first Friday The 13th movie…

Chipp Chipp Chipp…Gapp Gapp Gapp…

Mr. NibblesNext thing you know, the person who was just earlier making you laugh, is now wanting you to urinate on them. Eeeeewwww! No kidding. Three people have tried that already. And the freakiest part about it is, when I block that person’s messages and delete them from my friends list, they go all Glenn Close on my ass…

“I will not be ignored, Dan!!!”

I then have to check to see if my rabbit, Mr. Nibbles, is still there. I’m only kidding, I don’t have a rabbit. Anymore. Chipp Chipp Chipp…Gapp Gapp Gapp…

I’m not normally a paranoid person, but I’m still waiting for the call from the Police, “Daniel, the calls are coming from inside the house!!! Run. Run!!!!”

Well, I’ve run on and on about this enough for today. Time to find something productive to do.

Hey, cool…I just got another friend request….C’mon, Mr. Nibbles…this guy looks pretty cool…let’s go talk politics with him…what’s his name?…Mark Foley?…He sounds pretty normal…

(scene ends with Daniel and the ficticious Mr. Nibbles skipping down the primrose path, hand in hand, to MySpace land…Stay tuned for further adventures…)

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Queen Bee of A.D.H.D.

Posted by Daniel on December 28, 2006

MeopatraIt’s starting to become very clear to me that if you really want to get your message across to those who need to hear it, you can’t be afraid to be dramatic. Sometimes, to the extreme.

Desperate times, and all that.

Hey, if it can work for the likes of Ann Coulter and Tom Cruise, there’s no reason I should expect less for my message, right?

John Howard is using his muscle to turn down a request from the U.S. to embed Australian troops in Iraq.

Rush Limbaugh put his emense weight behind carrying water for the GOP. That is until Republicans lost the mid-term elections…now he can barely carry a bottle of Oxycontin.

MySpacers do it when they send me a request to add them to my “friends” list. It’s funny how they sucker me into it. Their initial page photos are always nice and clean and, for the most part, their OWN. Then when (and IF) I accept them…kablam!…instaporn!!

(Okay, I keep the muscle-cow eye-candy…cause it’s nice and I’m, like, not dead…so long as it’s not the graphic stuff, ya know? I DO have an image to upkeep.)

Tom Delay is using his “good name” to muscle his way onto the internets. Seems starting a grassroots effort to band the Conservative Republicans together and fundraising via the internet is a really good idea to him. Hey Tom, remember back in 2004 when the Democrats used the internet for the very same purpose while you scoffed and said, “The Democratic Party can’t raise campaign money the honest face-to-face way. No sir, they have to resort to bilking money from miscreants on their computers.”? How’s that “bilking” going for YOU?

So if these people and others can use dramatic means to get their message across, why should I be left behind?? It’s not like I’m known for shying away from an issue…or arguement…or food…or Martini’s.

It’s so tough to choose an issue, though. I say it all the time, mostly because it’s so true: There are just so many things I want to say and so many people to bitch about. I just seem to have a problem a)picking a topic off my wall and b)committing myself to it without the A.D.H.D. taking me into a completely different direction.

Much like this post…

So, today I’ve chosen a topic from my wall-o-shame and came up with Adult A.D.H.D. And I’m going to dramatic steps to do it. What does that have to do with Tom Delay or MySpace? Absolutely nothing. That’s my point. I had to get your attention, an if you’ve made it to this point, I think it worked.

Admit it, you saw the picture and said “WTF??”, and you just HAD to find out what it was all about.

Many of you already know how hard it is to maintain a daily blog/diary/journal. It can, at times, be tediously hard. I read MANY blogs and internet journals and I see a certain topic rise up on one or more of them on a daily basis…”What can I write about today?”

I share your angst, people. I really do.

But try doing it with A.D.H.D. It’s not pretty and it’s not fun.

Don’t know much about ADHD? Well, put on your thinking caps and try not to get distracted. 😉

Criteria for Adult ADHD:

  1. Either (1) or (2):
    1. Six (or more) of the following symptoms of inattention have persisted for at least six months to a degree that is maladaptive and inconsistent with developmental level:
      Inattention

      1. Often fails to give close attention to details or makes careless mistakes in schoolwork, work or other activities
      2. Often has difficulty sustaining attention in tasks or play activities
      3. Often does not seem to listen when spoken to directly
      4. Often does not follow through on instructions and fails to finish schoolwork, chores or duties in the workplace (not due to oppositional behavior or failure to understand instructions)
      5. Often has difficulty organizing tasks and activities
      6. Often avoids, dislikes or is reluctant to engage in tasks that require sustained mental effort (such as schoolwork or homework)
      7. Often loses things necessary for tasks or activities (e.g., toys, school assignments, pencils, books or tools)
      8. Is often easily distracted by extraneous stimuli
      9. Is often forgetful in daily activities
    2. Six (or more) of the following symptoms of hyperactivity-impulsivity have persisted for at least six months to a degree that is maladaptive and inconsistent with developmental level:
      Hyperactivity

      1. Often fidgets with hands or feet or squirms in seat
      2. Often leaves seat in classroom or in other situations in which remaining seated is expected
      3. Often runs about or climbs excessively in situations in which it is inappropriate (in adolescents or adults, may be limited to subjective feelings of restlessness)
      4. Often has difficulty playing or engaging in leisure activities quietly
      5. Is often “on the go” or often acts as if “driven by a motor”
      6. Often talks excessively

      Impulsivity

      1. Often blurts out answers before questions have been completed
      2. Often has difficulty awaiting turn
      3. Often interrupts or intrudes on others (e.g., butts into conversations or games)
  2. Some hyperactive-impulsive or inattentive symptoms that caused impairment were present before age 7 years.
  3. Some impairment from the symptoms is present in two or more settings (e.g., at school [or work] and at home).
  4. There must be clear evidence of clinically significant impairment in social, academic or occupational functioning.

Reprinted with permission from American Psychiatric Association. Diagnostic and statistical manual of mental disorders. 4th ed. Washington, D.C.: American Psychiatric Association, 1994:83-4. Copyright 1994.

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Except for Section 2.c, I “suffer” from every symptom listed above. Or rather, Steve and everyone else in my circle of family and friends suffers me. So why am I writing about this and why did I need to use a picture of “Meopatra” as a way of getting your attention?

Mostly because I wanted to point out that I hear from a lot of people who suffer the same symptoms and who also write. Be it as professional writers or simply personal blog folk. Many of them ask me how I keep it going considering my many self-induced distractions. They also ask what medications are best for ADHD.

First off, I don’t have an answer for the medications…as I don’t take any for this. Much to my doctors’ chagrin. I’ll admit, there will be a time when I’ll have no choice but to give in and take the ADHD meds…but I’ll fight that end as long as I possibly can. Unless my doctor decides to distract me with something shiny and pops a pill into my gaping mouth.

I continue to write the only way I can…sheer dumb luck. It is merely by chance that I even remember I have a blog to write in half the time. Then I look at my computer and see the desktop “sticky note” that says, “Pick topic from walls and write about it.”

Then it all comes back to me, and off I go on another daily rant.

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If I Had a Hammer…

Posted by Daniel on December 26, 2006

Tom Delay is once again trying to position himself as the savior of the conservative cause and he’s found a new and unique way to do it. Tom discovered a cutting edge method of reaching his flock that only recently came to his attention. He started a blog.

In all honesty, I did not fully realize the impact or potential of the blogosphere until very recently, when RedState gave me the opportunity to post some of my observations in the wake of the recent midterm elections. – Tom Delay 2006

Seems Tom spent a bit too much time playing golf and raising campaign contributions to notice a little thing like the internet. Now that he’s arrived, though, he plans to make an impact:

TomDeLay.com is the product of our latest effort to find new ways to connect, unite and organize conservatives from all over America into a real grassroots political force.

In fact, you can become an elite activist by applying to be a part of Tom Delay’s grassroots network called G.A.I.N., this acronym was chosen presumably because they could not figure out appropriate words to use M.O.N.E.Y. for their moniker. His group feels the conservative cause needs to be united because:

We have a responsibility to our God, our families, our Nation and ourselves to take action to protect our freedoms and those of our fellow human beings.  Its fine for all of us to enjoy the blessings of liberty but we all must share the responsibility to cherish and protect those blessings too.

And

Our liberal opponents would have Americans believe that they are becoming more conservative; that they are moderating their radical agenda so that they can claim to be the final arbiters of “mainstream” political thought. 

mosesdelay.jpgYes, conservatives need to unite against the liberals that are becoming too conservative. He claims his blog will serve to foster discussion and debate, however only if you agree with him. TomDelay.com was launched on Sunday, December 10th. It was instantly met with eager participation. However, it was apparently not the kind of participation the Delay camp was looking for because after about an hour they pulled it down and deleted all the comments they did not like. The new sanitized for his protection blog was re-launched on Monday December 11th, however you can still see what initially happened at james j. riser’s blog.

Tom doesn’t write his blog, he can’t even type. He’s an idea man; he gets others to do the actual writing. We, at the Tempest, have managed to obtain just a few of his ideas for upcoming posts:

    You Say Bully Like it’s a Bad Thing
    Redistricting For Dummies
    Nancy Pelosi Is Gay and Other Secrets From Inside the Beltway
    Understanding Situational Ethics
    How to Finance a Successful PAC
    See the World on a Congressional Salary
    Don’t Play By the Rules, Change Them

Expect old Tom to be around for many months to come after all, he can still come up with new ideas while he’s in prison. He might even have time to learn to type.

You can read more about Tom Delay’s hijinks here.

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Merry Christmas…Buon Natale

Posted by Daniel on December 25, 2006

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Twas the night…

Posted by Daniel on December 24, 2006

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Twas the night before Christmas, when all through our house
Not a creature was sleeping, not even my spouse.
Fish net stockings were hung by the chimney with care,
We hoped that St Nicholas wouldn’t want to wear.

Our children, the cats, were tearing the tree all to shreds.
While vapors of cat nip screwed up their heads.
And Steve in his apron, asked for a night cap,
He’d just fixed that tree and was sick of this crap.

When outside the house there arose such a fuss,
I swished from my chair and loudly did cuss.
“Stop honking that horn, you dim-witted shit!”
“The neighbors will hear you and throw a big fit.”.

I was mooned and flipped off by some big-breasted ho,
My Vicoden wearing off, I wasn’t about to let that go.
When, what to my bloodshot and tired eyes suddenly appears,
But a pink Mini Cooper, pushed by eight nelly queers.

With a familiar gay driver, wearing whore-red lipstick,
I knew from the perfume it was Ray, that fat prick.
Like a prancing parade they were all such big flames,
And Ray flitted, and warbled, and called their drag names!

“Now Mona! Now, Christa! Now, Rogayne and Brandy!
On, Micah! On, Sasha! On, Chablis and on Mandy!
That’s not what I meant! Get off of each other!
Don’t embarrass me here! Now carry this shit for Mother! !”

Like having party guests that just fucking won’t leave,
Ray and his Rockettes give no one reprieve.
We were sure this visit would end as all with Ray do,
It would be less traumatic inviting monkeys who throw poo.

We saw on the front porch, next to Rays big fat rump,
The prancing and pawing of each little pump.
In a useless attempt, Steve dowsed the lights out,
Ray shoved the door open, that’s his way, the rude lout.

He was decked all in fur, from his chins to his knees,
His clothes made of spandex bulging most grotesquely.
A purse full of makeup he had slung over his shoulder,
He looked like a prostitute had spray painted a boulder.

His hair all piled up, the color blood-cherry!
One thing he was NOT was the Suger-Plum Fairy.
His big fat chapped lips were still white from the blow,
The horror never ended when seeing this ho.

An over-used crack pipe he held tight near his yellow teeth,
But the smoke that assailed us came from down beneath.
He had a fat pimply face and a huge beer belly,
It was grossing us out, and what was that smelly?!

He was fat and obnoxious, a right uncouth old queen,
We shiverred and puked, it was hard not to be mean!
A loud gaseous fart as he bent down to pet kitty’s head,
Soon gave us to know our cats, from the fumes, would be dead.

He never shut up. We couldn’t talk, there was never a break.
All the while he drank all our liquor and ate a whole cake.
And sticking a finger inside of his nose,
Needing a place to wipe it, our brand new curtains he chose!

Then sprang to his car, his faggy team he did drag,
So many more houses to barge into, that fat fucking hag.
But we heard him holler, as he chugged down the street,
“Merry Fucking Chtistmas beyotches, I’ll see you next week!”

12/2006 – By Daniel

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More Fun For The Holidays

Posted by Daniel on December 23, 2006

Before we begin with today’s installment of “Holiday Cartoons In Bad Taste”, we just wanted to let you know that we will be back to our regularly scheduled programming right after the holidays…and just in time to watch the changing of the guard in Washington. Our crack political watchdog reporters will be on the scene for every fake smile, reluctant handshake and bull shit speech.

Like the regular leftist media elite, we’re on hiatus during this festive holiday season.

Actually, we’re not really here at all. This is a recording and our offices are being run by our cats. So if any of either the previous or upcoming cartoons have or will offend you, you have only Ian, Annie, Sheena and Jesse to blame. Please forward any calls of complaint to them care of their cat box…Which is where all their other crap ends up.

And now, back to the show…

Auntie

Cigars

Disgraceful

Fruitcake

Holiday Tip

House Xmas

Job

Melted

Mistletoe

Poison

Pop

Snowman Robber

Thinking

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Happy Holidays…Feste Felici

Posted by Daniel on December 22, 2006

To everyone out there, we at The Tempest would like to send our very best wishes for a safe and happy holiday. May you all have the best and most joyous of seasons. Merry Christmas and Happy New Year.

Christmas Myspace Comments

Christmas Myspace Comments

Christmas Myspace CommentsChristmas Myspace Comments

A tutto fuori là, alla Tempesta vorremmo trasmettere i nostri auguri per una festa sicuro e felice. Potete tutti avere il la cosa migliore e più joyous delle stagioni. Boun Natale e Nuovo Anno Felice.

Christmas Myspace Comments

Christmas Myspace Comments

Christmas Myspace Comments

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The True Meaning Of Christmas….

Posted by Daniel on December 19, 2006

Okay, perhaps the title is either “off” or just plain wrong for this piece. In my mind, however, I think that anything that can make you laugh, especially during this very stressful and, for some, depressing time of year…I say…

Lighten Up & Enjoy!!!

 

I Touch Myself

Clean Your Chimney!

Penguin

Reindeer Dog

Happy Everything

Santa Bastard

Xmas FlatSanta Bear

Calvin’s Snowmen

A Dill Doe

Sleigh Bell Rains Poo

SOB

Stocking Are Hung

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Ahh Christmas…

Posted by Daniel on December 18, 2006

I wanted Cha Cha Heels!!!

 

It’s Christmas At Ground Zero

 

A Gluten-Free Christmas

 

A Holiday Survival Guide

 

Black Christmas

 

White Trash Christmas

 

Christmas Cookin’ With Jolene

 

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