The Tempest Online™

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Archive for February, 2007

Nuthin’ But Hair There

Posted by Daniel on February 28, 2007

Ever have one of those mornings when you just want to shave your cat(s)?

Last night, I was pretty pooped out from the days activities and then a fast run to Lowe’s for ever more supplies to finish up the Great Room project. Though my body was ready to rest, my mind just wouldn’t shut down.

This is an on-going problem for me which unfortunately requires a lovely prescription.

So last night, I’m watching Countdown With Keith Olbermann and since I know I need the rest, I pop a mind-coma pill. These little gems work fast. About halfway through the program, I realize I’m shutting down fast. So I turn off the TV there, go upstairs and lay down. I was out in less than five minutes.

That was about 7:35 PM.

All was well, I suppose. The cats, as per their usual routine, were all congregated on the bed in their favorite spots (the ones they specifically choose in order to force me to sleep in the most uncomfortable positions imaginable). I’m kinda their bitch, meaning I don’t seem to think about making them move…I just fina a way to sleep around them so as to keep the peace.

Anyway, since I fell asleep so hard and so early, naturally I woke up very early this morning. I believe it was 2:30-ish.

What I woke up to was hair-raising.

It looked like all four cats had a hair-pulling contest…and I lost. It was everywhere. A ghoulish scene of mats of hair on the floor, the bed and – most icky – on my pillows. I thought I must have been dreaming because this has never happened before.

Side note: One of our cats, Jesse, has a dumb habit of pulling not only his own hair when he’s in a pissy mood, but the hair of any of the other three cats should they be near him at the time. A habit he picked up years ago from Steve’s former roommates’ cat.

Anyway, in my morning stupor, I catch the little bugger in the act. This woke me up rather quickly, as nothing tickles me more than actually catching a cat in any act of bad-cat-dom. Then I realize I’ve misplaced my squirt gun. So I run downstairs to the bathroom and grab what I thought was the squirt gun…I must have still been somewhat sedated by the pill, because when I ran back upstairs and tried to hose him down, I heard a buzzing in my hand.

I grabbed the cordless hair trimmer.

Irony…it’s a funny thing sometimes.


Posted in Our Writings | 2 Comments »

Where Are The REAL HEROES?

Posted by Daniel on February 27, 2007

HEROESYou guessed it…it’s a post about what is now one of my favorite TV series – second only to LOST. And if you also guessed that I’d somehow find a way to tie future Ex-President Bush into this…well, get out of my head, man, you’re freakin’ me out!!

If you haven’t been watching the show “HEROES“, I think you’re really missing out.

I’ll admit, just before the beginning of it’s first season last year, I was skeptical about starting in on another NBC series. After allowing myself to get hooked into that last heartbreak, “Surface”, only to have it yanked off the air at the end of it’s first season. I’m still not over that let down.

HEROES isn’t what you’d expect, either.  I find myself asking people I know, “Do you watch HEROES?”  I’m very surprised at how many people tell me they’ve either never watched it or – (clutch the pearls) – never even heard of it.  

That’s when I become all Mr. NBC Spokesman on their asses.  They are going to get the synopsis whether they want it or not, damnit!!

For those of you reading who also haven’t watched this show…here it comes…

HEROES is an epic drama that chronicles the lives of ordinary people who discover they possess extraordinary abilities.

As a total eclipse casts its shadow across the globe, a genetics professor MOHINDER SURESH, (Sendhil Ramamurthy, “Blind Guy Driving”) in India is led by father’s disappearance to uncover a secret theory — there are people with super powers living among us. A young dreamer, PETER PETRELLI, (Milo Ventimiglia, “Gilmore Girls”) tries to convince his politician brother NATHAN PETRELLI (Adrian Pasdar, “Judging Amy”) that he can fly. A high school cheerleader, CLAIRE BENNET, (Hayden Panettiere, “Ice Princess”) learns that she is totally indestructible. A Las Vegas stripper, NIKI SANDERS , (Ali Larter, “Final Destination”), struggling to make ends meet to support her young son (Noah Gray-Cabey, “My Wife & Kids”), discovers that her mirror image has a secret. A fugitive from justice (Leonard Roberts, “Buffy the Vampire Slayer”) continues to baffle authorities who twice have been unable to contain him. A gifted artist ISAAC MENDEZ, (Santiago Cabrera, “Empire”), whose drug addiction is destroying his life and relationship with his girlfriend SIMONE DEVEAUX (Tawny Cypress, NBC’s “Third Watch”), can paint the future. A down-on-his-luck Los Angeles beat cop MATT PARKMAN (Greg Grunberg, “Alias”) can hear people’s thoughts, which puts him on the trail of an elusive serial killer. In Japan, a young man HIRO NAKAMURA (Masi Oka, NBC’s “Scrubs”) develops a way to stop time through sheer will power. Their ultimate destiny is nothing less than saving the world…

Now, this show is probably so interesting and intriguing to me because it shows me – yes, in a make-believe world kind of way – that there are indeed heroes among us.  I have always believed this to be the case, which is a large reason that I’ve always chosen to put my “faith” in people rather than in a deity, or religion as a whole. 

“So, other than your love of fantasy,” you might be wondering, “what’s the point of this post?”

My answer to that is that there are people in this world who could very well be heroes.  Which brings me to BUSH, everyone around him as well as their counterparts around the world.

These people are in very unique positions in that they have the powers to actually SAVE this planet from a cascading destruction.  They could end famine, disease, wars, terrorism, weapons proliferations, ecological destruction and a litany of other threats facing this planet, as well as everyone and everything that lives on it.

Instead, they seem driven by greed, hubris, power and control of all they can collectively touch.  All in the name of either State or Religion…or both.

Where are the real heroes?  We know you’re out there.  And why don’t you use the powers you’ve been given by those you represent to actually save us?  Or does the real life story have to end like it could in the TV series…?


Posted in Politics | 2 Comments »

What’s So Funny…?

Posted by Daniel on February 26, 2007

The new FOX News comedy show, Half Hour News Hour, just isn’t funny. It’s hard to imagine writing jokes about cancer , starving Koreans or drowning polar bears but that’s what viewers were subjected to on the premier show. FOX had been leaking clips all week so most people got to see the Obama segment and the Rush Limbaugh/Ann Coulter skit. The rest of the show had the same cringe factor especially when they tried to make concern for the environment the big joke of the night.



(Head-RUSH Limbaugh & MANN Coultergiest)


There was a sense that anyone struggling or suffering was somehow laughable. Roald Dahl’s children’s classic, James and the Giant Peach, was renamed James and the Giant Melanoma adding that it didn’t have a happy ending. I’m sure John McCain (who, himself, suffers from melanoma) found that hilarious. In another bit there was a t-shirt with No Fat Chicks under a picture of Kim Jong Il with a full explanation of how the North Koreans have been starving.

It could easily be said that those comedy writers at FOX clearly have no actual sense of humor.

The environment and global warming was the big butt of their jokes and it was astounding that they could come off like all environmental concerns are ridiculous and everyone taking action is a fool. Ed Begley Jr. became their victim with a bit about him not getting to the studio on time for an interview because he was driving his electric hybrid. Begley’s progress was measured on a map and his mishaps resulting from driving a hybrid were the jokes. He couldn’t get up hills or drive on the highway. Then Begley was picked up because he looked like someone who had eaten from a dumpster. Finally they described him in prison suggesting he was about to be raped by the inmates. They openly tried to humiliate Begley personally and ignorantly portrayed alternative fueled cars.

Then they did a bit with some guy claiming that any problem could be related to global warming in six steps like the movie Six Degrees of Separation. That’s when drowning polar bears got a laugh.

Then there were some fake commercials. The ACLU, not surprisingly were ridiculed in two commercials.

They made fun of charities in Hollywood as if it was somehow laughable that celebrities might want to use their influence and money to help people. Now Al Gore will also go down in history as having been associated with an OSCAR-winning Documentary (An Inconvenient Truth), thereby broadening the issue of global warming. I’m sure this will draw extra time on FOX’s “comedy” show, but only to be heckled and scorned with more of their canned-laughter.

I don’t think the writers really understand comedy. They crossed that line and the anger and cruelty came through. That’s never really funny to anyone except the bullies.

Face it…Conservatives just aren’t funny. That’s why you shouldn’t take anything they say seriously.

Posted in Media Matters | Leave a Comment »

Dazzle Me OSCAR

Posted by Daniel on February 25, 2007

academyaward.jpgI can’t help it. I’m addicted to watching the OSCARS.

I’ll also admit this: Of all the nominated features, I’ve seen only one…



This is probably going to sound about as gay as…well, as gay as I am, but I love – love – LOVED this movie!! And I’ve never been all that big on movie musicals. This musical, however, actually took my nelly little breath away.

vaklempt.jpgI can’t tell you how many times I had to clutch the imaginary pearls because I became verklempt!!

Jennifer Hudson and all of the singers – yes, even Eddie Murphy – just knocked my socks off.

I swear, at one point in the movie, I had a Linda Richman flashback.

When Richard Simmons was a guest on the Mike Myers (SNL) skit “Coffee Talk”. Myers played arguably the funniest chatacter on television at that time…Linda Richman.

Here is but a snippet of their exchange when the subject of Barbara Streisand came up (which happened every episode at least once)…

Linda Richman: Welcome to Coffee Talk I’m your host Linda Richman. On this show we talk about coffee, New York, dawters, dawgs, you know no big whoop just Coffee Talk. The big news is that I Linda Richman, saw Barbra Joan Streisand in concert in Las Vegas, Nevada. She was so beautiful, and her voice was like buttah. But wait, it gets better. She invited me on stage. Hand to God, I was on stage with Barbra Streisand. It was just like when Merv Griffin used to invite Mrs. Miller up from the audience. Now I’m getting a little verklempt. Talk amongst yourselves. I’ll give you a topic: a Thighmaster is neither a thigh nor a master. Discuss! There I feel better. Let’s go the phones. The number is 555-4444. Give us a call we’ll talk, no big whoop. Hello?

Caller #1: Hello Linda. You saw Barbra in Vegas. Did you do any gambling?

Linda Richman: Are you kidding? I played the slots so much I think I have carpel tunnel syndrome. I can’t even open a door. I was hoping that Robert Redford would offer me a million dollars but instead a dry cleaner from Newark asked me to move over. Evidently I put on some weight. I’ve been trying so hard. I’m at my wit’s end. (doorbell rings) Who is it?

Voice of Richard Simmons: It’s me Richard Simmons!

Linda Richman: Richard Simmons, Come in I love you!

[ Richard Simmons runs onto the set ]

Richard Simmons: Linda you look wonderful.

Linda Richman: Start!

Richard Simmons: Linda I’m so jealous. You were on stage with Barbra Streisand. What was she like?

Linda Richman: Oy God. She’s a pistil in my scheinel ponnum. A scheina cup. Mitin drinin dura hommelginnum homelmitzvah etzel betzel tookel hyam yenkel sem out my kyahh.

Richard Simmons: That’s what I thought.

Linda Richman: Exactly.

ellenoscar.jpgOkay, so that’s how I felt during and after the movie. So I’m really pulling for Jen and the movie to do very well tonight.

A good sign is the fact that Ellen Degeneres is hosting again. Since Ellen ranks right up there with Billy Crystal in hosting and starting off the show interestingly enough so as to keep the viewing audience awake.

Bring on the dazzle, OSCAR.

Posted in Just For Fun | 1 Comment »

Second Chances…Then Third…Then…..

Posted by Daniel on February 22, 2007

Is it just me or are you getting sick of hearing about rehab?

I really blame Robert Downey Jr. for starting this stupid and, quite simply, useless fad.

“Oh, I’ve made a spectacle of myself in public just because I’m stupid or wasted or both. I know, I’ll check myself in to a rehab facility and that will blow off some of the media steam.”

And a fat lot of good it’s done any of these so-called victims of celebrity!!

James BrownMel GibsonNick Nolte

Pee Wee Herman (Paul Reubens)Michael Jackson

Mel Gibson did it after showing his true hate for anyone Jewish.

James Brown after beating his wife in a drunken rage.

Nick Nolte was just plain stinking drunk.

Paul Reubens did it after spanking the monkey in a theater.

Michael Jackson…well, that face alone should have landed him a life sentence!!

Now we have Nicole Ritchey…who’s 15 minutes were up long ago.

Oh, and let us not forget the rehab-Queen…Britney Spears. (I never remember how to spell her name. and I really don’t give a damn.) This beyotch is really something else.

//” cannot be displayed, because it contains errors.Every time she tries to grab attention, it slaps her in the face. So what does she do? Checks herself into some obscure rehab facility. Then, just as quickly as she’s checked her lipstick and hair buzzer at the door, she’s all checked out again.

“Everything’s fine here. Nothing to see. Britney is feeling much better now and promises not to microwave Barbi Dolls ever again.”


This pop star-gone-loser is yet another in a long line of fuck-up’s who make the very word rehabilitation a joke. It’s twice as insulting to the many people who have gone to, or are currently in rehab seeking serious help for their serious problems.

Can we please stop legitimizing this idiotic woman by showing her on every news or commentary program? Her failed attempts to reinvent herself a la Madonna are beginning to make the bile rise up in my mouth!!

Posted in Media Matters | Leave a Comment »

“Merry Melodies” Bush Is Going To Get Us Killed

Posted by Daniel on February 20, 2007

Dumbfuck taking us on a dead-end ride.Did you ever watch any of those old cartoons? I mean the really old cartoons. The ones so far back that Bugs Bunny looked more like Peter Cottontail and Elmer Fudd was very short and fat.

Recently, I’ve been having some cartoon flashbacks anytime I think of George W. Bush.

One of those old cartoons always showed some hobo-looking geek who is at the zoo. He’s poking at a lion in a cage, rattling the cage bars and all around trying to provoke and tease the lion.

During this frivolity, he somehow unlocks the lion’s cage. Not knowing this, he turns his back and the lion is glaring at him.

Fade to black. You hear a “CHOMP” sound.

Then it shows the lion laying calmly down, tummy bloated, with a toothy grin. He opens his mouth, and in the darkness, you see a pair of blinking eyes. From within there, you hear, “I’m a ba-a-a-a-a-d boy.”

Like I said, it’s about a seventy year old cartoon, and I used to watch it in reruns in the seventies when I was a kid…back before so many cartoons were banned for reasons of political correctness.

I’ve added this particular cartoon for your viewing pleasure.

Now, it’s about 7 minutes long, but worth it.

It is, after all, by the very definition, a classic.

So, you watched the above cartoon…now picture the idiot is President Bush and the lion is Iran.

So for that slim number of kool-aid drinkers out there who still think Bush can do no wrong, you were alive when this cartoon was made. Ready to switch over to the Armageddon Martini yet?

Actually, now that I’ve had a chance to watch this again, this whole cartoon could be representative of everyone in Washington. The narrator could be Keith Olbermann.

Posted in Politics | Leave a Comment »

It’s At A Very Exciting Stage…

Posted by Daniel on February 18, 2007

Okay…to answer the emails…yes, I’ve been a tad on the skimpy side with posts of late. Not that I’m becoming over the blogging thing, nor have I actually run out of things to bitch about. (seriously, ask anyone I know…I can – and will – bitch about anything)

There are currently two very large projects underway here that are, to put it mildly, MASSIVE.

Painter Man Steve

First off, there’s the complete re-do of the main level of the the house. (yes, Gracie, there will be another installment of “Caution: Gay Construction Ahead…”. So keep your pantaloons on.) Steve actually spent the entire day today painting the Great Room. I, true to form, have played Little Thithter Thupervithor. I’d go downstairs on occasion and say, “That looks fabulous!!”

After the Great room, we start on the Dining Room. After that, the foyer. The kitchen will be done later.

This project, in itself, has been underway since mid-January and will be completed by the beginning of May.

Hardly At Work

Working her t**s off!!

The other massive project is the building of the new and improved home of The Tempest. Steve’s sister Kathy (one of the contributors here) and I have been hard at work building the new diggs from ground up. Our own domain…all the bells and whistles…something for everyone.

Today, the Preloader has had some nice intro music added to it (created by me on some really cool software…very hot stuff). When I saw the images and heard the intro…my nipples almost knocked the monitor off the desk. Seriously, it was that good.

To be fair, though, Kathy is doing 99.9% of the actual work on this project, as it is one of her assignments for her web-building class at school. I’m just the one she bounces the ideas off and I get to make any input I please. Fortunately, she lives 18 miles north of here, so she can’t just smack me when I get too pissy about things. 😉

Are we seeing a pattern developing here? I’m like one of those people I usually bitch about. Just full of ideas and suggestions…totally worthless at the actual work part of it. I’m actually not that bad, really. The above projects just seem to have the best available people for their respective tasks.

Steve is a much better painter than I am, hands down. And Kathy knows more about what she’s doing than I because she’s smarter and I’m supposed to say that. There were, in fact, several points today where I nagged Steve so much it was all he could do not to smack me across the head with a loaded paintbrush. Fortunately, I can run like a gazelle. Well, in my head I can. In real life I tend to just fall down and play dead a lot.

So, yes, I will get off my lazy ass and get back to work here on the blog.

There…happy now?

Posted in Technical Issues | 1 Comment »

Fighting Fire With Fire

Posted by Daniel on February 15, 2007


I’ll admit my knowledge of Washington State is limited–I can point it out on a map, I know Olympia is the capitol, Seattle is the largest city, and they grow some tasty apples.


Turns out they grow more than Jonathans and Granny Smiths. They also grow some pretty savvy political activists as well. Witness “Initiative 957”, a response to Washington State Supreme Court’s Andersen v. King County ruling regarding marriage and “procreation”:

“The way we are challenging Andersen is unusual: using the initiative, we are working to put the Court’s ruling into law. We will do this through three initiatives. The first would make procreation a requirement for legal marriage. The second would prohibit divorce or legal separation when there are children. The third would make the act of having a child together the legal equivalent of a marriage ceremony.”

Now THAT’s what I’m talking about, GLBT activists. These Washingtonians are not “hat in hand” at the door of the heterosexual power establishment, asking “pretty please” for equal rights. They are fighting fire with fire. You want to say marriage is only for procreation? Fine. Put your money where your collective uterus is. Yes, I know, this may sound farfetched and maybe even a tad dillusional. The 957ers recognize that:

“Absurd? Very. But there is a rational basis for this absurdity. By floating the initiatives, we hope to prompt discussion about the many misguided assumptions which make up the Andersen ruling. By getting the initiatives passed, we hope the Supreme Court will strike them down as unconstitutional and thus weaken Andersen itself. And at the very least, it should be good fun to see the social conservatives who have long screamed that marriage exists for the sole purpose of procreation be forced to choke on their own rhetoric.”

Ah, there’s little that’s more satisfying than rhetorical asphyxiation. This initiative, while on the surface appearing ridiculous, has a much deeper relevance in promoting equal rights for all people. We as GLBT activists, PFLAG members, and other enlightened heterosexuals should draw inspiration from a proactive action like 957. The more often you call “Bullshit” on something, the less it’s credibility can stand.


Posted in GLBT, Media Matters, News, Politics | 1 Comment »

Happy Valentine’s Day!!

Posted by Daniel on February 14, 2007


Posted in Just For Fun | 2 Comments »

Sweet Charity

Posted by Daniel on February 13, 2007

chickencharity2.jpgWe believe in charity. Just ask Betty, our tax preparer. I also believe in the concept itself, not just the tax deductions. There are millions in this country alone, not to mention the needy on other continents, who are more than deserving of whatever help we can give. And of course, we give generously to our own community as well. That said, I just went through the mail this evening, and I seriously need to get some things off my checkbook–err, chest.

To the would-be recipients of my charitable dollars, I humbly ask the following:

1. Please STOP with the freakin’ address labels. If we don’t move, I conceivably could write every member of my considerably large family+ friends DAILY for the next several years and have a ready made address label for each. And I have every type except for male nudes . (hint hint). Have you heard of online bill paying or email? The only person I write to regularly is my mother, who is the recipient of all the extra flower stickers and smileys. Good thing she likes them. Bottom line: it’s almost a guarantee if your not already on my charity list, if you stuff an envelope with more of those damn labels, you won’t make it on the list either.

2. Don’t suggest to me what’s the best amount to give. $100.00 feeds a child for one month? How about I contribute a couple of happy meals? I mean really, if I give the suggested amount each of you asks, pretty soon it’s going to be MY face looking pitiful on those inserts. Oh, and DNC? $75.00??? You’re not even tax deductible, and if you all don’t get your collective asses to together, I’m going to start giving to the Green Party instead! (or am I ALREADY…evil laugh…..)

3. Do NOT call me at home. For a certain group that was the death nell. “Can we count on you for X amount to be sent by this date?” I’ve had utility companies be less pushy. There is literally no way to be eighty-sixed faster in my book.

4. Right Wing Evangelicals and your Republican puppets? Unless you really get off on wasting your time, your material just ends up in the recycling, and it ends up HELPING the environment you couldn’t give a rat’s patootie for protecting. Just sayin.

Thanks. I feel much better now. If you’ll excuse me, I need to get this check off to F.I.L.F. (The Female Impersonator Lip-synch Foundation.) You can thank me at the next show.

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