The Tempest Online™

~ Sic gorgiamus allos subjectatos nunc. ~

Archive for May, 2007

Avast!!! Insensitive Asshole On The Poop Deck

Posted by Daniel on May 30, 2007

Butt-Pirates-Are-Cool

In lieu of the post I was going to submit this evening, I felt the need to unbottle the following rant…which has been eating at me all day.

See, I have this relative of sorts (through my illegal and unrecognized “marriage”) who is, to put it mildly, a fucking moron. It’s well known through the grapevine (that I lovingly tend to in my garden of gossip) that this person is what some would call immature and a tad narcissistic. He’s married, but spends more time playing video games (typical) and fantasy sports than actually socializing with those with a full and real cranium.

This person – I’ll call him Mr. Smee – also appears to spend buttloads of time playing on MySpace. Nothing wrong with that, really…

however

In his voyages and adventures on MySpace, Mr. Smee fills out a lot of those assinine surveys that are continually batted around. And this is where Smee tends to shiver my timbers.

See if you can spot the part that really chaps my ass:

30. Favorite color?
49er Red.

31. Would you like to be a pirate?
GO BACK TO TREASURE ISLAND……..FAG!

32. What songs do you sing in the shower?
I’m too sexy……”

Isn’t he just absolutely fucking FABULOUS????? Why, I swear, he can just sweet-talk a body into a perfect swoon!!!

Normally, I tend to chalk up such hateful words coming out of an idiots’ mouth as pathetic cries for attention…or that person is just a latent “MO“. This, however, hits way too close to home, so to speak, and that makes it all the more insulting and hurtful. Especially because this is not an isolated incident. Not by a long shot. He’s used that word, and others as equally offensive, at least three other times in just the few atricles/posts/surveys of his that I’ve read.

While Steve is a far more level-headed and forgiving person than I, even he is hurt by this latest use of the word “49er“.

davepirates.gifI’m kidding, of course. But I needed to laugh and that last line helped.

My whole issue with this, of course, is the use of that word, even when meant as a joke.  It is the same as if you walked into a room and yelled out the “N”-word.  Of course, you wouldn’t do that, for fear of getting your ass beat down…and rightly so.  But using the “F”-word is perfectly fine, because you think (deep down, admit it) that gays who would be offended are harmless limp-wristed lithperth who are too weak to stand up for themselves.  And this is where you are wrong.

I don’t need to beat you down with my beaded purse…I use words (as a first response).

Knowing, as I do, that this topic has been discussed by gay bloggers gay-zillions of times before, I had briefly thought about just leaving this alone.

Underline “briefly”. Twice.

As I said, I am not nearly as forgiving as Steve. I want revenge. I want to sail the Jolly Roger’s & Hammerstein all the way over to his house and kick him square in the booty and then stuff his ass into Davey Jones’ (the singer, of course) gym locker!!

Naturally, I’m not a physically violent person, but in my mind I’m swabbing the deck with his narrow ass.

I mean really, he’s not only insulting us, but he’s also insulting pirates as a hole whole. And that is simply bad form!!

So watch out, Mr. Smee…because this time you ain’t dealing with Tinkerbell or Peter Pan. No sir-ree. This time you’ve messed with Captain Jack Thparrow (I do love an outfit with epaulettes). You’re heading straight forward to a good old-fashioned keel-hauling!!

Honestly, is it really too much to ask that, when you’re filling out yet another inane survey, you refrain from calling a question “gay” or the idiot who asked the question a “fag”?? Because when you do that, it makes your writing sound like such a (name redacted)!!

Posted in Family, GLBT, Our Writings | 2 Comments »

How Do You Say “Sissy Mary” In Arabic?

Posted by Daniel on May 29, 2007

Lawmakers who say the military has kicked out 58 Arabic language experts because they were gay want the Pentagon to explain how it can afford to let the valuable specialists go.Seizing on the latest discharge, involving three specialists, House members wrote the House Armed Services Committee chairman on Wednesday that the continued loss of such “capable, highly skilled Arabic linguists continues to compromise our national security during time of war.”

Former Navy Petty Officer 2nd Class Stephen Benjamin, said his supervisor tried to keep him on the job and urged him to sign a statement saying he was not gay.

Benjamin said his lawyer advised against signing because the statement could be used against him later if other evidence surfaced.

In an interview with The Associated Press, Benjamin said he was caught improperly using the military’s secret level computer system to send messages to his roommate, who was serving in Iraq. In those messages, he said, he may have referred to being gay or going on a date.

“I’d always had been out since the day I started working there,” Benjamin said. “We had conversations about being gay in the military and what it was like. There were no issues with unit cohesion. I never caused divisiveness or ever experienced slurs,” said Benjamin, who was in the Navy for nearly four years.

He was fired under the “don’t ask, don’t tell” law passed in 1994. It lets gays serve if they keep their sexual orientation private and do not engage in homosexual acts. The law prohibits commanders from asking about a person’s sex life and requires discharge of those who openly acknowledge they are gay.

Rep. Marty Meehan, who has sought a repeal, organized the letter to Rep. Ike Skelton, D-Mo., asking the committee hold a hearing about the Arabic linguists.

“At a time when our military is stretched to the limit and our cultural knowledge of the Middle East is dangerously deficient, I just can’t believe that kicking out able, competent Arabic linguists is making our country any safer,” Meehan said.

The letter, signed by about 40 House members, says that the military has discharged 58 Arabic linguists under the policy and that Congress should decide whether “don’t ask, don’t tell” ”is serving the nation well.”

For Benjamin, 23, the discharge ended a military career he had hoped to continue.

He said he was among about 70 people investigated at Fort Gordon in Georgia for using the computer to send personal notes. He said others who are not gay kept their jobs even though they were caught sending sexual and profane messages.

Benjamin said investigators from the Defense Department’s inspector general’s office pulled the message logs for one day and reviewed them for violations. Some people, he said, received administrative punishments for writing dirty jokes, profanity and explicit sexual references.

According to researchers at the California-based Michael D. Palm Center, which tracks these issues, three Arabic linguists were fired as a result of the computer reviews. Their names were not released. Benjamin agreed to discuss the incident publicly.

The center’s director, Aaron Belkin, said, “There is simply no common sense reason for the military to fire Arabic linguists in the midst of a dire shortage of translators. Translating al-Qaida cables is more important the making sure that the military is free of gays.”

Marine Maj. Stewart Upton, a Pentagon spokesman, said the Pentagon is enforcing the law.

The Defense Department, he said, “must ensure that the standards for enlistment and appointment of members of the armed forces reflect the policies set forth by Congress,” he said.

Benjamin said the computer review was done last December, but his discharge was not finalized until the end of March. His roommate, he said, was allowed to finish out his tour in Iraq and came home in February, then was discharged in early April.

“I was always discreet, I never considered it would be an issue,” said Benjamin, when asked why he joined the military knowing the policy existed. “I thought if I don’t say anything, they’re not going to ask me. But, it was more aggressive than I thought.”

Meehan’s bill to repeal the “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” law has 124 co-sponsors, but efforts to get Congress to take another look at the issue have not yet been successful.

Defense Secretary Robert Gates has said he was not reviewing the policy.

Posted in GLBT, Politics | Leave a Comment »

The Many Faces He’d Like To Forget

Posted by Daniel on May 28, 2007

The Many Faces He’d Rather Forget

President Bush marked Memorial Day with a call for Americans to stand firm in their efforts against U.S. enemies around the world and with a tribute to fallen troops.“From their deaths must come a world where the cruel dreams of tyrants and terrorists are frustrated and foiled, where our nation is more secure from attack and where the gift of liberty is secured for millions who have never known it,” he said. “This is our country’s calling. It’s our country’s destiny.” Bush spoke after a wreath-laying ceremony at the Tomb of the Unknowns in Arlington, Virginia, addressing a crowd that included relatives of the dead, veterans, military officials and members of Congress and the public.

“Nothing said today will ease your pain, but each of you need to know that your country thanks you and we embrace you, and we will never forget the terrible loss you have suffered,” he said. “I hope you find comfort knowing that your loved ones rest in a place even more peaceful than the fields that surround us here.”

Bush noted that Arlington National Cemetery holds the bodies of seven generations of Americans, including 360,000 from the Civil War, 500,000 from World Wars I and II, and 90,000 from the Korean and Vietnam Wars.

“Now, this hallowed ground receives a new generation of heroes,” he said. “Men and women who gave their lives in such places as Kabul and Kandahar, Baghdad and Ramadi.”

Bush praised the members of the volunteer force, some of whom have served four tours of duty in Iraq and Afghanistan.

“Our enemies long for our retreat,” he said. “They question our moral purpose. They doubt our strength of will. Yet, even after five years of war, our finest citizens continue to answer our enemies with courage and confidence.”

The conflict will end some day “because all wars do,” he said, adding, “Our duty is to ensure that its outcome justifies the sacrifices made by those who fought and died in it.”

Posted in Politics | Leave a Comment »

For Technorati Spider Release…Ignore this

Posted by Daniel on May 27, 2007

Technorati Profile

Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a Comment »

New Photos added…

Posted by Daniel on May 26, 2007

I’ve been adding more pictures to the PHOTO GALLERY section…more to come now that I’ve figured out how to do this.  😀

5daniel.JPG

Posted in Just For Fun | Leave a Comment »

$120 Billion Can Almost Buy You A Spine

Posted by Daniel on May 25, 2007

Another vote — another reason not to vote, right? All I can say is that dems are lucky to have a guy like me to talk the nervous and pissed-off folks down from the political ledge.

Because for those politicos (are you listening Hillary, Barack, etc.?) who think everyone will come back to you, no matter how many times you disappoint us, I have news: You’re dead wrong.

I’m not a political junkie. I’m just a recreational user. I find politics mildly interesting, the personalities can get boorish, the massive egos are often tedious. It’s not easy for me to trust someone to lead the most technical nation on earth if they can’t balance a high school chemistry equation, let alone take the derivative of ex. The only reason I became involved beyond the casual level is because I don’t like being lied to — about a lot of stuff, but mostly about a pointless, devastating war in which people I personally know are in danger of being killed or maimed.

I’m a Democrat who, when I discover I’ve been lied to by my party, is all too happy to stay home on election day — when I bothered to vote at all. Lately, for reasons that should be all too obvious, I’ve made sure to vote at every opportunity because I relish voting against the neo-GOP. I don’t know what the political strategists are telling their clients, but if part of that advice includes advising them that voting democrats like me will always come back to the Democrats because we distrust the GOP, fire them. They couldn’t be more wrong.

Keep your campaign promises, honor the wishes of your loyal base who bust their asses and bleed their wallets on your behalf, stick with the will of the majority, and diehard dems like me will stick with you. Most Democrats have done so this election cycle. For you I’ll fight on. But really, at this point in time, how hard is that in the case of the Iraq supplemental? How often does a politician get to honor those activists who give them the most, while siding with a growing majority of the electorate on the most important issue facing the nation, save countless lives and limbs, and simultaneously oppose the most unpopular policy among many unpopular policies promoted by the most universally disliked President in living memory? Good grief, it’s like hitting a political trifecta!

But if I’m in the market purely to be bamboozled by a hypothetical future used-car salesman turned politician, let me say with a little over-the-top, politically incorrect, crude blogger framing, and with my apologies to those who might not take this in the spirit of dark humor in which it is offered:

  • I can put in time and money on campaigns, write posts, defend people I don’t even know, stand in line at a polling station, all without ever seeing the politician[s], and then find out I was conned. Maybe if I’m lucky I’ll get nice form letter thanking me — and asking for more money.
  • Or, for a lot less time, money, and effort I can sit in any of several local gay clubs, enjoy a martini, and have a gorgeous, mostly-naked male escort tell me with more apparent sincerity than any politician has ever mastered that I’m the most exciting, charming, engaging man he’s ever met.

Which lying whore would you choose?

Posted in Politics | 1 Comment »

The Visit – Phase Two

Posted by Daniel on May 24, 2007

Never enough time…there’s just never enough time.

Yesterday (Wednesday) I drove my Mom and sister Tracie to the airport for their flight back to California. As I watched them boarding the plane, I was struck with a heavy dose of melancholy. I was missing them already, and it was all I could do to refrain from buying a ticket and flying out right behind them because I am, admittedly, a Momma’s Boy.

I’m Italian, so that’s to be expected.

This visit went pretty well, I think. Everyone was happy to be here and they even liked the house, including all of the recent renovations, both inside and out.

Steve and I did a good job of playing hosts and did everything we could to make my family feel welcome, relaxed and entertained.

As I’ve mentioned, the visit was two-fold. First my oldest brother, Terry and his wife Teresa (my BFF) were here Tuesday through Friday (of last week). Then my mom and youngest sister, Tracie, were here this past Sunday through Wednesday. While it would have been fantastic to have them all here at the same time, I was simply glad they were able to make it at tall.

Now, on to the meat and potatoes.

During Terry & Teresa’s time here, we had planned some things just for them. First, on Wednesday (again, last week) we wanted to treat them to dinner out. We took them to the 54th Street Grill here in Blue Springs. We were seated in a nice booth rather quickly and all was, for a time, going well. Terry and Steve were talking about something I wasn’t paying much attention to. Teresa was trying to concentrate on their conversation, but I was distracting her by taking as unflattering candid shots of her with my digital camera as I possibly could. What she didn’t know (until it later that night) was that I was using the digital video mode…because Little Miss Polly Precious was being, shall we say, rather unladylike….and I wanted that moment saved for posterity.

Okay…I also wanted it for YouTube…just for future giggles. See the clip below…

Anyway, moments after our food arrived, this guy walks up to our table and specifically asked my brother if he might have accidentally gone into the wrong restroom. Naturally, we all started looking around, because we thought he was being punked. Far from it, actually. When Terry told the guy that he hadn’t left the booth since our arrival (a fact we all confirmed), we asked why the question had been asked. Here’s kinda how that went down:

Stranger: “Sir, would you mind if I asked you if you might have accidentally (his itallics) gone into the wrong restroom?”

Terry: “No. I’ve been here since we arrived. Why do you ask?”

Stranger: “Well, my daughter just came back to our table and she said that a man tried to open her stall in the ladies room.”

Terry: “Well, I can assure you, Sir, it wasn’t me. I haven’t left this table and don’t even know where the restrooms here are. I’m visiting from California.”

Stranger: “I asked her to point out the man, and she pointed to you. She said that the guy had on a blue baseball cap and pointed right to you.”

Teresa: “She was wrong, then, because my husband hasn’t left this table, just as he’s already told you.”

Stranger: “”Are you sure you didn’t mistakenly think you were in the men’s room?”

All of us: “He hasn’t left this table. Not once. Not at all. Period. Your daughter is mistaken.”

Stranger: “Well, these days you can’t be too careful. Are you sure you didn’t go into the Ladie’s Room by mistake? My five year old daughter was very scared and pointed right at you and described a blue cap.”

Terry: (by now, seething) “Listen, guy, how many times do I have to tell you, your daughter has made a mistake. It wasn’t me.”

Stranger: “I’m just trying to protect my little girl, Sir. She said it was you. Are you absolutely sure it wasn’t you?”

All of us: “IT WASN’T HIM!!!!!!!!”

This went on, back and forth, for over 15 minutes!! I was so afraid, knowing how Terry was a bit of a brawler in his youth, that he would lay down his knife and fork and throttle this concerned-yet-idiotic dad. Terry, however, has aged nicely and even this slid by without adding injury to insult.

It was bad enough that there were at least five or six others in that section of the joint also wearing blue baseball caps…and this guy didn’t ask not one of them about the restrooms. It was a bit more insulting that this guy’s 5 year old daughter said she recognized him from inside the stall…where the best view she would have had was through the crack between the stall door and wall. This fact, apparently, went right over concerned dads’ head.

In the end, though, it was pretty traumatic. A fact that I, being the ever-so-concerned bystander that I am, exploited to the hilt. When the waitress and manager arrived and heard what had happened, I flew into a Bette Davis rant. I clutched the imaginary pearls and expressed how traumatized I WAS over the ordeal and how I was one step away from fainting from sheer fright over the whole scandalous affair.

Oh yeah, it was Oscar-worthy.

Net result of the evening…

  1. Terry was vindicated because A) he was innocent and B) even the waitress said that Terry never moved from his seat.
  2. We received 20% taken off of our total bill AND one full meal comped.

Guess which meal was comped? MINE!!!

The irony of my meal being the one we got for free wasn’t enough for me, as it turned out. I also remember telling the waitress that I was so shocked and hurt that Terry didn’t get his meal comped that I might pass out right there at her feet. Adding…

“…but a free desert would make it all better…”

…To be continued tomorrow…

Posted in Family | Leave a Comment »

We’re Baaaaack!!!

Posted by Daniel on May 24, 2007

Okay, I know that the posts here have gotten a bit thin of late, but now that the family visits are over, I can actually get back online and fill you all in.

There are tons of pictures I have that need to be posted and, as is always the case, several really funny stories to go with them.

But that will begin tonight, as I have a meeting with the mayor today and then am to be sworn in of the Parks & Recreation Board of Directors this afternoon.  So I won’t get online until late this afternoon.

Will be back tonight.

Stay tuned…

Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a Comment »

The Visit – Phase One

Posted by Daniel on May 18, 2007

It’s hard to believe…two have come and gone…two are yet to come on Sunday.

My oldest brother, Terry and his wife (my BFF), Teresa, were seen off at the airport today, on their way to Arkansas for my nephew’s graduation.

Two and one half days of laughs and catching up. Now just a memory. It’s always over too dang fast.

Now, Steve and I get 36 hours of rest, before my mom and youngest sister arrive on Sunday.

This one is short…because I need sleep!!! But I will write about it all (there have already been some rather odd and funny events so far) next week. Between now and then, I’ll just keep posting some of the pictures as we take them.

Talk to you next week…

Daniel

Terry & Daniel

Terry & Teresa

Terry, Teresa & Steve

 

Posted in Our Writings | 1 Comment »

Be Our Guest

Posted by Daniel on May 14, 2007

Well, it’s here. The final countdown. Twenty-four hours until the first plane lands to deliver the first wave of family visitors.

For the next eight days, this newly-redone house will play host to a long-overdue family reunion, of sorts.

First my brother and sister in-law…then my Mom and youngest sister.

I’m about as nervous as I can possibly be and have had precious little sleep since last Friday. I mean, will it all be worth it? All the hard work we’ve done to and around the house – a project that we’ve worked our asses off for over six months – will be put to the comfort test…at long last.

You know how when your relatives (the nice ones anyway) will tell you that you don’t need to make a big fuss over their coming to visit?

“We’re just coming to see you…it doesn’t matter what the house looks like. Don’t go putting yourselves out just for us.”

Uh huh.

Like we’re not going to make the place as palatial as we possibly can. AS IF!!!

Hellllloooo!!! What kind of gays would we be if we didn’t put all of those hours spent drooling in front of the TV soaking in each delicious episode of Martha Stewart…and then not putting it all to good use??? Guuurrrllll…is you crazy?? Martha would catch lavender-scented wind of that faux pas and smack us with a nicely dried asparagus centerpiece and then personally shred our gay cards into a lovely potpourri dish.

I’ll be honest…we’ve worked tirelessly for over six months on project after project, and we still didn’t get everything done that we’d hoped we would. Oh, the inside is pretty much where we figured it would be (though I didn’t have time to redo the main bathroom as I’d planned). But all the outside planting just didn’t have time to get done. For this and next week, we’re on nature’s good graces to provide the aesthetic background of wildflowers, crabgrass and overgrown perennials.

On the upside of that, I did manage to put together the ginormous brand-spanking-new shiny silver gas bar-b-que grill we bought to replace the old faithful (yet o-l-d) charcoal grill we’d had for years. I did that all by little self…no help. Which was no small feat, considering the makers neglected to provide two very crucial screw holes that were to support the main gas line. No problem, now that I know how to use a power drill. I just hope no one notices when I run the second it’s turned on for the first time. But hey, that’s what big butch brothers are for, right?

Anyway, I’ve been looking forward to this visit more than the normal trips I take to California to visit them. As this is the very first time member of my family have visited Missouri…ever. And it looks as though we will have perfect weather for whatever we all decide to do. Especially sitting out on the deck and sipping mimosa’s…or whatever.

Well, wish us luck as we play hostess (Twinkie & Snowball) and we’ll keep a light on for ya.

Posted in Our Writings | 1 Comment »