The Tempest Online™

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I Still Love You, Even IF I Hit ‘DELETE’

Posted by Daniel on June 26, 2007

Death By Deletion

I’ve come to the realization that I’m either the bravest person alive…or I’m going to die horribly while sitting at my computer…with my finger fused to the “DELETE” button.

Like everyone else on the planet, I have someone in my life who insists on sending me a gazillion emails per month of the “forwarded” variety. You know the ones…

“Blah, blah, blah…Now send this on to 10 of your friends or you’re not patriotic.” “…if you don’t forward this on, then our prayers won’t be answered and Little Timmy won’t get that new heart and his and your soul will be eternally damned to burn in the firey lakes of Hell.”

The usual suspects in my life who used to send me these were mainly the female relatives, but over the years, I’ve managed to whittle that number down considerably…mostly through just flat-out telling them to stop sending me that kind of shit. A bit rough, I know, but certainly not without it’s successes.

Then it was down to just forwards from my mom and also her sister. One would send me five to ten each day, then the other would send me the exact five to ten, not knowing I’d already gotten them from the other. I’d normally have deleted these, sight-unseen, but for the fact that they would now and again write something personal to me when they forwarded them to me, like the dutiful son/nephew that I am.

It finally got to the point, however, that my inbox had become so overstuffed with these forwards that, upon her arrival here in KC last month, I had to tell my mom the situation (getting the same messages from both her and her sister), and politely asked her to stop sending them. Well, as politely as someone with my somewhat less than people person prowess can ask. She saw my point, though and now what she forwards to me has dwindled down considerably.

My aunt, on the other hand, is a different story. It’s one thing for me to be comically rude to my mom, because she knows how warped my sense of humor is, so she took no offense. I worry that this might not be the case with my aunt, as she and I have only recently reconnected face to face, but since she is not nearly as familiar with my wit as my mom, I could inadvertantly offend her.

Recently, though, I did get the chance to actually show her how some (if not all) of those forwards she so loves to, well, forward, are full of shit.

Case in point: She forwarded the following to me last week, which gave me the golden opportunity to “open the curtain” on the originator of the fraudulent email. First, I’ll show you the original email…

Turn your sound on for this. This is really cool.

Read this first.

This is almost unbelievable. See how all of the balls wind up in catcher cones.This incredible machine was built as a collaborative effort between the Robert M. Trammell Music Conservatory and the Sharon Wick School of Engineering at the University.

Amazingly, 97% of the machine’s components came from John Deere Industries and Irrigation Equipment of Bancroft,: yes, farm equipment!

It took the team a combined 13,029 hours of set-up, alignment, calibration, and tuning before filming this video but as you can see it was WELL worth the effort.

It is now on display in the Matthew Gerhard Alumni Hall at the University and is already slated to be donated to the Smithsonian.

Here is the video in question…

And here was my response to my aunt…

Not to burst any bubbles here, but this particular piece came from the makers of AniMusic. (see the link below)
This was not – repeat NOT – done with farm supplies , nor does any of it come from John Deere Products.
It is not on display and ANY university (as it happens to be a computer graphic design), nor is it slated to be
donated to the Smithsonian.
I know this because I ordered these DVD’s last year, when I first saw them on PBS.

Again, sorry to be the party pooper here,

So, what do you think? Was I too harsh?

I never did get a response to this correction, not from my aunt, anyway. She has, however, continued to send me more of the forwards. Keep in mind, most of these tend to lean more towards the “RIGHT” side of the political and religious pulpit. She is, after all, a dedicated republican. But I don’t hold that against her. Even when she sends me crap like the one I got from her this morning.

It doesn’t matter what political party you belong to — this is hilarious. This is from a recent show on Canadian TV. It was in a monologue by a black comedian who claims he misses Bill Clinton.

“Yep, that’s right – I miss Bill Clinton! He was the closest thing we ever got to having a black man as President.
Number 1 – He played the sax.
Number 2 – He smoked weed.
Number 3 – He had his way with ugly white women.
Even now? Look at him … his wife works, and he doesn’t! And, he gets a check from the government every month.

And manufacturers announced today that they will soon be stocking America’s shelves with “Clinton Soup”, in honor of one of the nations’ most distinguished men. It consists primarily of a weenie in hot water.

Also, the Chrysler Corporation is adding a new car to its line in honor of Bill Clinton. The Dodge Drafter will be built in Canada. When asked for his opinion on foreign affairs, Clinton replied, “I don’t know. I never had one.”

Here’s the revision Clinton would like to see to the judicial oath: “I solemnly swear to tell the whole truth as I know it, the whole truth as I belie ve it to be, and nothing but what I think you should know.”

Clinton will be recorded in history as the only President to do “hanky panky between the Bushes”


I believe that last line was added either by her, or someone who forwarded it to her. And that was one of the more subtle forwards.

Mostly, what she sends to me are those emails that tell the reader just how evil and morally doomed Democrats/Liberals are. Or how the gay agenda (whatever the hell that is) is doing all it can to unravel all of Christian (because to these ‘forward’ senders, all other religions are made up and going to hell anyway) society. And how if you don’t forward these messages, then you don’t support farmers, Christians, children, Bush, America, freedom, and all that other patriotic shit.

So, of course I read these emails. It’s my way of keeping tabs on the lunatic fringe in this so-called free society.

Sidenote: I don’t worry about opening these potentially virus-infested emails because those viruses aren’t written for the operating system (OS) that we use.

Now, you will never catch me forwarding these emails on to others. No matter how unpatriotic or uncaring it might make me. My finger goes into autopilot directly to the ‘delete’ key after reading each and every one.

Sorry Little Timmy…I guess that makes two of us without a heart.


2 Responses to “I Still Love You, Even IF I Hit ‘DELETE’”

  1. Daniel said

    Thanks, Josh…and might I say, you continue to be quite a well of worthless knowledge…tee hee. This seems to have worked, so perhaps you and I are not so blonde as we thought. That’s a good thing, right?

  2. Joshua said

    Joshua Says, “I don’t have access to change people’s account settings. An administrator can see your info, but can’t alter it. But I can tell you how to change it”
    1. Click on Users
    2. Click on My Profile
    3. Under contact information, put the link for your blog
    4. Enter bio information, and your name (if you want).

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