The Tempest Online™

~ Sic gorgiamus allos subjectatos nunc. ~

It’s A Family of Flair

Posted by Daniel on August 28, 2007

Today’s post is kinda off topic from what I had intended to write.

I was going to spout off about the events currently in the news – Alberto Gonzales resigning; Democrat Presidential candidate Sen. Chris Dodd’s campaign headquarters being broken in to (I’m coining the phrase now…”Doddergate”); the arrest, guilty plea, then subsequent plea denial of new bathroom bandit, Republican Sen. Larry Craig of Idaho; and the anniversary of Katrina – but a different series of events has taken the lead in my blogging priority list.

This post hits more closely to home…literally. It’s more a family thing. More specifically, a Howard-family thing.

Over the past week, there have been some developments in Steve’s family. Now before I go on here, I want to preface this by stating that the following events, in themselves, are not exactly funny. They are, in fact, quite serious in nature.

First there’s one in the hospital currently undergoing chemotherapy. She has gone through this far too many times (thanks to a certain infamous doctor who gave her, among many others, tainted/watered-down chemo years ago). But she has always looked at this and past bouts with cancer with a fantastic sense of humor and a very optimistic outlook. One of the many reasons we love and admire our Virgie so damned much.

Next is Steve’s oldest brother, currently in the hospital for surgery on what appears to be a very painful and sudden issue. I’ll leave that one alone, but suffice it to say that it had to be something serious, because this man rarely sees a doctor unless absolutely (underline that) necessary.

Then came the news Sunday that his sister and our little webmaster, Kathy, decided to bar-b-que her house. You know, because siding is so yummy when it’s well done. Okay, since I do have permission from her to rip her a new one about this, I’ll try not to let her down…

Kathy is a Looney Toones cartoon example of how weird things can happen to even weirder people!!!

Sunday Kathy decided to fire up the backyard grill and, I’m assuming, cook something. This she decided to do while her husband and daughter were out running errands. My first reaction to hearing this part was, “This can’t end well considering you took an hour on Thanksgiving to figure out how to open a package of heat-and-serve rolls and that they need to go INSIDE the oven, not on top of it or in the microwave.

So Kathy goes out to turn on the grill. Mind you, her husband had only recently replaced the propane tank on it and, it turns out, either wasn’t able to get the thing connected completely, or it had some sort of leak. When she turned on the burners…”SSSSSSKa-BOOM!!!!” Fire shot out so fast and so hot, it melted the siding right off her house, burned the deck and table umbrella. See pics below…

But wait…it gets better…

Second floor…toasted.

First floor…Sci-Fi movie scene.

She likes her deck well-done.

I never liked that umbrella anyway.

Braving the heat and flames, our heroine dashes through the inferno, down the deck stairs to turn on the water. You guessed it, she has no idea how to use the fire extinguisher. She turns on the hose, only to be soaked by a sprinkler that mocks her from afar. Running back up the stairs, Little Miss “The Only Thing I Should Ever Cook Is Ambrosia Salad” (because you don’t cook that) slips and gashes her leg.

I tried to talk her in to sending me a picture of her biggo gash…but oddly she just laughed her ass off and declined.

Fortunately, stronger heads arrived (her neighbors) to help her out as the fire department was heading the call. Soon, the fire was out, “Fire Marshall Bill’s” leg was all bandaged up and peace has once again settled over chez Firestarter.

About that time, Kathy’s husband and daughter arrive home. Mind you the fire engines are just winding up their work and her neighbors are still sitting there with her helping to calm her down. What’s the first thing her husband says?

“Cool, I finally get the new deck and bar-b-que I’ve been wanting.”

I feel for you, Kathy…I really do.

Now, with all of the above in mind, I was worried that Steve’s family was going through some week-long family curse. So naturally I was eyeballing Steve and wondering what bizarre fate was looming on his horizon.

He won $914.00 on the Lotto.




6 Responses to “It’s A Family of Flair”

  1. Scott said

    Thank goodness you are okay Kathy! Now, about the siding…it would make great picnic plates for the next BBQ. 🙂 Oh Rick, another siding job?

  2. Seth said

    GAWD talk about having a bad week! Oh Daniel, you forgot to mention that Steve got a free shirt with his winnings too.

  3. curtis said

    Well, we can forgive a minor inaccuracy in the news report… after all, Kat B only claims that it wasn’t on, she wasn’t there, it wasn’t cooking, and she was on her computer at the time….Sounds like a pretty hot website, if you ask me!

  4. Daniel said

    Revel – I do believe we have some old fire extinguishers that we could slap on her new grill. I hear they’re yummy al dente.

    Kat – Trust me when I say, it takes a spark to make a flame. Perhaps you were “typing” in your warped little mind…but on the grill, not a keyboard. Are you prone to sleep-typing? 😉

    For some reason, I’m wanting to sing that song by Johnny Cash, “Ring of Fire”.

  5. Kat B said

    the only inaccurracy in your reporting is that I was NOT trying to cook, I don’t do outdoors (for some of the reasons you mentioned) and so I was as usual playing on my computer when the thing blew – and it wasn’t even ON!

  6. RevelKC2 said

    We kept some of those siding pieces, right? To take for Kathy and Ed’s next BBQ? We could always throw a couple of lawnchairs on the barbee….


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