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Archive for October, 2007

It’s For The Kids, Right?

Posted by Daniel on October 30, 2007

As tomorrow draws closer I came to realize something last night…Halloween is, in a way, a test of wills.

I’ll elaborate…

As is the case every year, Halloween is one of our two favorite holidays and we like to do it up to the hilt. I don’t know if it’s more from the fact that we love to play dress-up, or the decorating we get to do, or if it’s just a good reason to eat the kind of shit we normally pass up the rest of the year.

Normally, Steve and I spend about two months prior trying to come up with some ca-RAZY costume ideas, only to procrastinate with the actual making of said costumes that we have to, in the end, go to the Halloween store and buy something off the rack. Not very original, I know, but it gets the job done.

What’s not to love?!?!?!Then I spend most of the month trying to out-do myself with decorating outside. This has always been a challenge because we have some pretty hard to impress neighbors who love to see what it’s going to look like each year. Well, that and the fact that I’m not above shaming the neighborhood by decorating a la “Roseanne“. I usually know I’m finished – or close to it – when Margie comes out of her house and yells, “Oh my GAWD!!!

This year, however, there were a couple of changes added to the mix. First, Steve is in rehearsals for his upcoming play, “A Shot In The Dark“, so having a Halloween party was out of the question this year. That, plus the fact that he’s always been here to pass out the candy to the Trick-or-Treaters every year. He will not be here for that either.

The other change is that Seth is here. And if you’ve seen us in action you’d know that two very twisted child-like minds being left to their own devices can’t lead to any good.

Some of the graveyard.

More of the madness.

Take the outside decorating, for instance. Seth and I decided early on that we were going to trash the place…tastefully, of course. 😉 Steve specifically said not to over-do it and don’t make it look like anything – or anyone – exploded. So we decided to do a sort of mini cemetery/pumpkin patch theme…with a dead body thrown in and have it all framed with a gi-normous spider web. We even threw a corpse onto the web for good measure. Originally I wanted to put a G. W. Bush mask on the corpse so that the “Decider” could be shrieking at “De Spider”, but after Steve rolled his eyes at the joke, it just didn’t seem funny anymore.

The next day while I was at work, Seth put up a shit-load of stretchy spider webs ALL AROUND the front of the house. You know the kind…it’s in a bag and if you don’t stretch it all out evenly, it ends up looking like you decorated with melted marshmallows. He did a great, if not overzealous job with that.

All of that, coupled with all of the other ghouls and crap we put out, has gotten a lot of passers-by to stop (or at least slow down) to get a better look. And we’ve gotten a lot of compliments already. So self-congratulatory pats on the backs all around.

Our next battle was to come up with something to wear for costumes. Since we already knew we weren’t going to throw one of our usual parties, we really hadn’t planned for this. But Steve wanted all of us to go out to the clubs and meet friends and also dress up. This posed a particular problem, as I hadn’t thought about going out in costume…it’s such a hassle. Especially when some other bitch is wearing the same outfit. Then the nails and heels come off and it Is OWN!!!

So we decided to do something kinda plain and understated this year. T-shirts. Yeah I know…dull-dull-dull. But then I spotted something really fun. WIGS!!! Long wig story short, it took Seth and I and ENTIRE DAY just to do the wigs for the three of us.

Since the wigs already were in a style of being parted down the middle, then afro’d on the sides, we wanted to do something extra special with them.

So…

Steve’s had eyeballs and spiders (it looked like a praying mantis), until the feather boa went on. Since mine was black and I was kinda going with the whole “skull” motif, I decided to make the two skeletons mounted on top have a bit of pornographic fun. For Seth’s red wig, we racked our brains trying to come up with the perfect dressing. So while I was busy wiring my wig sculpture in their subtle positions, Seth was scampering all through the house looking for something to use. He even looked in the garage at tools and spackle. After about five minutes, I look up in time to see him run into the garage with this stupid look on his face.

“I’ve GOT it,” he said.

I look and he’s apparently raided the lawn decorations. He’d pilfered a skull and hand bones and when I saw these and the wig in my head, I squealed with giddy delight. So I went right to work with the sculpting wire and we mounted the pilfered booty to his head/wig. With the proper surgery, he might be able to get that removed, eventually.

The Bitches of Eastwick

Anyway, we all go out to meet Todd and the other hags for a night of laughs and drinks and drinks and drinks and drinks.

Since I didn’t have to be the designated driver this time, I got to play Jello-Shot whore. Word to the wise, don’t ever play Jello-Shot whore…it’s a nasty hangover waiting to happen.

When we get to the first bar, we find Todd and then the rest of the gang. Scott, Tom and Danny decided to show up in drag…or at least what they thought was drag. While Steve, Seth and I looked like the twisted version of the “Bitches of Eastwick“, and Todd looked like Satan’s aunt, the “dragettes” seemed harder for me to tag.

Todd and I…I was stuck because Todd wouldn’t exhale.

So I labeled them thusly…

Scott looked like the aunt that always gives you that big lipstick-shellacked kiss before handing you a piece of stale ribbon candy left over from Christmases past.

Danny looked like the legitimate pre-op daughter of Christopher Walken and Dame Edna.

Tom reminded me of what it would look like if Janet Reno had a hermaphrodite daughter who wanted to be a flight attendant on a stealth bomber.

Tom - Danny - Scott

But who am I to judge, right?

Moving on…

Now we have tomorrow night coming. Since Steve won’t be here to compliment the fairy princesses and Anime characters and pass out candy, it’s up to Seth and I to handle the little beggars.

Of course I’m just a little more jaded when it comes to the concept of Trick-or-Treating. In my humble opinion, kids these days have it easy. They’re escorted by parents from house to house on Halloween and they expect candy, no matter what. And they get it. They don’t have to work for it like we did years ago.

I don’t miss THIS shit!!!

I don’t want to “date” myself here, but back when I was a kid, we all had to work harder for those treats. We were sent out by our parents – unescorted – and invariably had to run the gauntlet of mean and nasty tricksters. When we rang those doorbells, we were either pelted with eggs, toilet papered or some a-hole would open their door and scare the shit out of us. Then, maybe, we’d get candy, but more often or not we’d get some crap like apples (with or without razor blades), popcorn balls (store-bought or homemade, they all tasted like shit), jaw breakers (which we might have to use later as self defense weapons) or the ever-popular toothbrush. While that last one made a little sense to me even then, it was never fun to see how many of them we got when the night was through and it was time to dump out our bags to tally the booty.

Steve and I have never skimped on the candy at this time of year. Remembering our pasts, we decided we’d always have the good stuff to pass out every year. I’m not a big candy eater, but I still like to buy the kind of stuff we would like to eat rather than those biggo bags of mixed shit that has gum, hard candy and otherwise unrecognizable chewy crap. No, we get the good chocolates and lots of it.

In a joking moment, Seth and I thought it’d be fun to set up some kind of trick for the kiddies.

We had thought about making it interesting by gathering up crap from around the house to give to them. Things like old bananas, used leg-shaving razors (without the blades, mind you), empty toilet paper rolls, wadded up napkins, etc. Then we considered just passing out pumpkins. Imagine the look on their faces when they hold out their all-too-large (and presumptuous) candy bags, with their precious yet greedy grins, then having a ten-pound pumpkin plop down on their dreams. Then we thought that that would be too mean. SO…..we tried to rig up a bunch of hidden mechanical boxing gloves around the front door so that when they rang that doorbell, they’d get a taste of Halloweens-Past. THEN they’d get their pumpkins.

Knowing, however, that we were playing hosts in Steve’s stead, and he’d never do something like that, we decided to just pass out the candy and let the chips fall where they may. Seth suggested we take a bite out of each piece of candy before passing it out, but I thought it would be more fun if, when the doorbell rang, we open the door, and say we were all out of candy, while standing there eating it with the full bowls in our hands. The streaming tears on their precious fairy make-up covered faces will add a lovely accent to their make-up effects.

What our handiwork WOULD look like.

Naaaa…we’ll be good. The little angels will get their treats and we’ll not be the tricksters. We’re wacky, but we’re good people for crise-sake!!

Now, I can’t guarantee the fate of those who fall victim to Seth’s spider web snare on the front porch. The way those kids pack together there promises that someone will invariably fall over and get snagged up real good. At which time we’ll have the camera at the ready.

In closing, as Seth and I prepare to welcome the little nose-miners with frivolity and tooth-decaying sweets, and Steve prepares for yet another of his well-received acting roles, the three of us would like to take this opportunity to wish you all a very happy and safe Halloween.

We WOULD do this!!!

Posted in Friends, Holiday Fun, Just For Fun, Our Writings | 3 Comments »

Back To The Hills

Posted by Seth on October 29, 2007

It’s been a while since I’ve written anything, so I thought it was time to update everyone on what’s been going on. The week before last into last week, I made a visit back to West Virginia for my best friend’s wedding. I was only there for a week, but it felt like I never left. I didn’t expect anything to have changed in nearly three months, but at least people were excited to see me!

Seeing everyone was well worth the trip. When I left, it was swift, abrupt, and unexpected. I didn’t get a whole lot of time to say goodbye to everyone or spend any “last moments” with anyone. Luckily people are accepting the fact that phones, planes, and planned trips ARE real!

It was more difficult than I expected fitting in time to see everyone. Most importantly, I got a lot of time with my mom, sister, and the assorted friends. Going to my mom’s physical therapy, drinking with my sister and best friends, and the wedding were the major time consumers of my week. Overall, it was a great week.

My sister and me.

The bride (Mary) and me.Most of my family.There were only a few occurrences where I regretted the trip. One was on the plane on the day I arrived. While descending into Columbus, something went wrong with the pressure in the cabin. The no smoking signs were flashing and all the sudden I realized, I couldn’t hear a damn thing! Not to mention the EXTREME sharp pains running through the center of my face! It literally felt like a knife was jabbed in my sinuses! If it weren’t for the fact that I love watching the city lights while landing, I would have noticed the gradual hearing loss. I thought I heard a radio or something, but it was the stewardess speaking loudly. I have no clue what she was saying, but it sounded like she was talking underwater. After I realized it was her, I listened for the engines, and they just sounded like oscillating fans. My first thoughts were, “OMG my head is going to explode!” Luckily, my ears popped, the dizziness went away, and I was good to go.

 

 

Another occurrence where I didn’t want to be alive is when I had to say goodbye, yet again, to my dogs. Two Chihuahua’s, Chiquita and Jose. The situation wasn’t great. Jessy and I were alone discussing what we were going to do with them. Neither one of us are in the position to take care of them right now. It REALLY sucks! I just gave up on being “the strong one” and just bawled my eyes out! It wasn’t pretty. The poor dogs went from looking like dry rats to drowned rats. It’s just not easy saying bye to your “children.”

Anyway, I had a wonderful time visiting and catching up with everyone. It was great seeing everyone again, but I was ready to come back to Kansas City and help take care of Daniel’s foot and a potential job.

I just have one regret about my trip, I didn’t get to stop and see my former co-workers until the night before I left. They’re family to me and were disappointed they didn’t get adequate Seth time. I got to see most of them though and that’s the important part. Plus I had to find out as much as I could about my predecessor. Turns out he seems like a royal douche bag! Just goes to show I’m irreplaceable!

This trip went well, but I’m happy to be back!

Posted in Family, Friends, Just For Fun, Uncategorized | 1 Comment »

Caution: Gay Construction Ahead – Part 13 – Living Broken In Tenacity

Posted by Daniel on October 22, 2007

I blame Seth.

Yeah, I said it. I am now hobbling around with a broken foot because of Seth. Way to go, Dude!!

You’d think he’d know by now that I can’t be left to my own devices when it comes to building things. But did he listen to me?

Nooooooooo!!!

Okay, here’s how it all went down…

Last Tuesday, I took Monkey Boy to the airport so that he could fly back to West Virginia (I know, I know. Why would anyone want to do that?!?!). A friend of his was getting married this past weekend and Seth was part of the ceremony. I think as the flower girl. Or a bridesmaid. I keep forgetting.

Anyway, being left on my own, there was much to keep me busy here at the house. First of all, Steve didn’t have to go to rehearsals this week (for his upcoming play), so this gave us time for a bit more quality time. Then there was the fact that it’s getting to be that time of year when the plants need to start being relocated into the greenhouse. And here is where my latest adventure in self mutilation occurred.

It became apparent from last winter that the greenhouse could use more raised shelves on which to set the bigger plants that drape, like the spider plant-zillas, for instance.

Seth and I had been planning to build these shelves for a while, but with all the rain we’ve been getting lately, not to mention all the outdoor decorating for Halloween we’ve done, we kinda decided to wait to get the shelves built until he returns from WV…which, mercifully, is tomorrow. Seth did, however, already have the greenhouse cleaned out and ready for things to come in once he gets back.

But I was bored Saturday. And that lumber was taunting me just out of reach, kinda like the dance outfit and ping pong balls were taunting Cynthia in Priscilla, Queen of the Desert. Hey, a girls’ gotta dance, ya know?

Or in my case, this girl had to saw. And if you know me and saws, you know the wacky shit that happens when we two are paired. This time, however, it wasn’t the saw that got me, but the board on which the saw was being used. Though, it was the very same saw that went through my leg bone last year…so I suppose I was just tempting fate.

So I get this hair across my ass to go ahead and build the shelves and, surprisingly, it was going rather well, considering this really was a job for two people.

ARE YOU READING THIS, SETH???

As many of you know, I don’t know shit about building things, especially from scratch. Oh sure, I learn very quickly and have become quite proficient once I figure it all out. But c’mon, how hard could it be to build a shelf, huh? Okay, as it happens, it turned out to be more of a tall-ish table than a shelf, but that’s just splitting hairs.

I’d managed to build this thing very well – if I do say so myself (and I do) – and it went, as I said, rather smoothly. Until, that is, I realized I’d run out of 2×6 planks which I was using to skirt the base. I looked high and low and although I had assloads of lumber stored in the shed, I was completely out of the size I needed. I then spotted a 2×12 plank about eight feet long that I figured I’d just use, rather than haul my lazy ass to the lumber supply store. As it turns out, laziness comes with a very high price.

I carried the plank into the garage and laid it out on the saw horse, then measured it off. Basically I just needed to saw it in half to get the one last piece I needed.

Here’s where Seth should have been in the picture.

Funny thing about sawing a long and, might I add, HEAVY plank by yourself. It has to be held firmly on the sawhorse during its’ being sawed. It also requires someone holding the piece being sawed off.

My stupidity knows no bounds, apparently.

I somehow managed to saw all the way through the board and just before the cut end was ready to fall, I decided to try to hold it with the hand attached to the arm that was being used to hold down the board on the sawhorse. It was a lot heavier than I thought.

On the last stroke of the saw, I thought I had a good grip on it, when it came crashing down square on my right foot…the one I was using to brace the base of the sawhorse.

Well, after crawling into the house for a good 10-minute cry of pain (it probably sounded like I was strangling howler monkeys), I stormed back into the garage and finished that fucking shelf/table. (seriously, it really looks like it just needs barstools) I even managed to sand the top, then waterproof it. Just in time for Steve to arrive home.

I feel bad for Steve in situations like this. He comes home and sees that I’ve “built” something, whereby he has to ask what I’ve injured this time. Normally, that would be funny, if it weren’t for the fact that he’s always inadvertently correct in asking.

Fucking karma. I just hate it when he’s right about shit like that!!! 😉

I blame Seth for that, too.

Update: After a painful trip to the doctor, they found that not only did I break the bone in the right big toe, but also have two chips and two fractures in the big “knuckle” that connects that toe to the actual foot. Now I’m consigned to home for three days and have to use a fucking cane to get around. So go ahead, tell me how stupid I was (again).

Posted in Gay Construction, Just For Fun, Our Writings | 3 Comments »

$2.1 Million Will Buy A Lot Of Oxycontin

Posted by Daniel on October 19, 2007

What’s the going price for a letter signed by 41 Senate Democrats officially condemning conservative talk-show host Rush Limbaugh’s recent controversial ‘phony soldiers’ comments?

$2.1 million, apparently.

That was the winning eBay.com bid today for a letter sent to Clear Channel CEO Mark Mays officially calling on him to condemn the comments in question. The letter was written by Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid and signed by 40 Democratic senators, including White House hopefuls Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton.

Mays refused to condemn the remarks and Limbaugh placed Reid’s letter on the popular auction Web site Monday, pledging to match whatever it fetched and donate it all to The Marine Corps – Law Enforcement Foundation.

When the Ticker first checked in Tuesday, the bidding stood at $50,000 — already a significant price for a standard Senate letter, but ultimately more than $2 million short of what the letter finally fetched Friday.

“The government tried to take away my living, by sending this letter to Mark Mays at Clear Channel and asking him to confer with me about my remarks,” Limbaugh said on his show Friday announcing the winning bid. “Private citizens, of their own accord — without a government mandate, without an Al Gore pledge — responded with creativity, and charity, and a sense of fun.”

Limbaugh identified the winning bidder as Betty Casey, a philanthropist and trustee of the Eugene B. Casey Foundation

“We cannot thank her enough for her support in this, and I am honored, and proud, and happy to be matching her,” Limbaugh said of Casey.

And in a unique twist of fate, Reid took to the Senate floor Friday praising Limbaugh for his use of the letter.

“Now, everyone knows that Rush Limbaugh and I don’t agree on everything in life and maybe that is kind of an understatement,” Reid said. “But without qualification, Mark Mays, the owner of the network that has Rush Limbaugh, and Rush Limbaugh should know that this letter that they’re auctioning is going to be something that raises money for a worthwhile cause.”

Though Limbaugh made clear he wasn’t ready to bury the hatchet with the Senate’s top Democrat.

“I asked Senator Reid to go on the program and discuss his discussion of me as ‘unpatriotic,’” Limbaugh said on his show Friday after Reid’s speech. “He did not accept my offer to do that, and now has the audacity to climb aboard this, praising the effort, saying that ‘he’ never knew that it would get this kind of money.”

It got this kind of money because it represents one of the most outrageous abuses of federal power in modern American history, and that is what makes it a collector’s item.”

Um, hey Rush…Would you mind pulling your pill-popping bucket-head outta your oversized pimply ass?  I think you really meant to direct that little pearl of wisdom toward that cowardly federal law breaker currently squatting in the Whitehouse.

Posted in Media Matters, Politics, Today's Rant | 1 Comment »

Tons Of Fun…On A Stick…Huzzah!!!

Posted by Daniel on October 15, 2007

This Year’s Ticket

I don’t know what you all are into as far as local attractions in a big city, but there is one thing I do love to do each year. The Kansas City Renaissance Festival is really something to see.

I know this sort of event isn’t a lot of peoples’ bag, but I get a real kick out of it…and for many more reasons than I probably should.

This year, along with the usual suspects (Steve, Todd & I), we had some newbies in tow. This was the first time for both Seth and also for Gina and her son, Ben. In Seth’s case, I can understand his not having had the opportunity…he’s from West Virginia…you do the math. For Gina, however, I was amazed that she’s lived here all these years and as eclectic as she is, she’s never been. That’s pretty odd…even for someone as particularly odd as her.

One noticeable absence was Scott and Ray. Okay, that’s actually two people absent, but you get the picture. Due to an unfortunate foot injury (as opposed to one that IS fortunate??) incurred by Scott earlier this year, and the fact that he’s still on the mend, there was no way he could hobble up and down the long and winding hilly muddy (underline MUDDY) trails.

Did I mention the mud? Yeah, there was mud…everywhere!!

Now I know that it’s supposed to add to the ambiance and shit for the trails to be as opposite from paved as is possible so as to better fit the era, but c’mon!! By the time of closing, people were walking out looking like they’d been mud-wrasslin’ rather than shopping for pewter figurines or fake wooden swords.

Drink Up Ye Olde Beyotches!!!But we didn’t let the mud deter us from our appointed rounds. Speaking of rounds, you know Todd’s in the spirit of things when the first words out of his mouth when we met him at the gates were, “I need beer!!” I didn’t drink at all while there (okay…I did take a sip here and there to, like, taste test their grog), but Steve, Seth and Todd looked like they were having a Ye Olde Let’s Get Shit-Faced competition. Nothing funnier than three gay guys getting hammered in the mud.

Is that a Republican you’re riding, or are you just happy to see me?

This was also a year of firsts. Until yesterday, Seth had never seen an elephant in real life. Not at a zoo, a circus, not nowhere. (hellloooo…West Virginia!!)

Not only did he get to see Steve, Gina and Ben riding a real honest-to-goodness elephant, but on it’s way around, the elephant reached out it’s trunk and touched him!! I swear, Seth stood there and almost peed…either from excitement, or shock or maybe it was all the beers he’d already had. Whatever the reason, it was a funny moment.

Another first was when Steve and Todd went to have their Astrology read. (or, as I like to refer to it, going in and paying someone to read their beads) Yes, they do this every year, however, this year Steve was already amply buzzed from the beer that, on his way into the astrology room, he blasted out over his shoulder (at Seth and I) “Go look at fun things to buy…I LOVE DRUNK-SHOPPING!!”

Okay, I am a gay guy and you don’t have to tell me that shit twice!!

So, while Steve and Todd were having their tea bags verbally tickled, Seth and I set out in search of some uber-cool shit to buy that would look good in our next garage sale. I think Steve had that part planned because this was in a specific area where the nearby shops sold crap you wouldn’t buy for any reason.

Ask Him About His “Muffler”.

There was, however, a small shop that had on display dozens of little pottery jars with cutsie phrases on them. Things like “Retirement Fund“, “Bugger Collection“, “Dashed Hopes“, etc. Here I saw something that, for reasons known only to those closest to him, really and truly fit Seth to a tee. A clay jar that says “S.B.D. Farts“.

Note to Seth: Don’t worry, Monkey, I won’t tell anyone you have a hard time making farts with actual sound. I promise!!

The man who can only fart with noise every leap year.

So I buy this inside joke jar for Seth and then we sit down on a bench outside the building where someone is telling Todd why he’ll die an old spinster and telling Steve that I’ll be a burden to him for the rest of his life. Clearly I don’t believe in someone telling me what my future holds (I rather enjoy the surprise) but I don’t begrudge those that do.

Sitting there on the bench, Seth and I are doing what we do best…Pointing and laughing. C’mon, life is, after all, a spectator sport…right?

I TOLD you it was REALLY muddy!!!

We saw someone eating cheesecake on a stick. ON A STICK!! It suddenly reminded me that you can, in fact, find many foods “on-a-stick” at your local RenFest. Upon arriving at the fair, I immediately bought myself a sausage on a stick.

Now at this point, I won’t go into all the vulgar things I said – and did – with said meaty delight before actually consuming it’s rich tasty greasy goodness. Suffice it to say that the jaws of many complete strangers dropped and some, I’m pretty sure based on their reaction, thought I was part of some weird sword-swallowing act. Hey, it was all in Ye Olde Fun!!

Seriously though, there was cheese on a stick, veggies on a stick, lamb on a stick, sausage on a stick (or as I like to call it…”Secret Lover”), potato on a stick. Shit, I searched all over the place because I just knew I might find someone selling “Sticks-On-A-Stick”!! The closest I could find was some guy juggling one stick with another similar stick.

Group Pic 1

About the time that Gina and Ben did finally show up (when Gina says she’ll be someplace “on time”, she means that on the same level as when a drag show starts “on time”), Steve, Todd and Seth were pretty much already amply “tipsy”. (what they call “tipsy” is on the same level as people saying Bush is “kinda not smart”) So it was getting close to closing time-ish. This meant we had to be able to get Ben on as many rides as we could, which meant we were trying to move at a pretty fast clip. Gina was trying to push his stroller (with him in it) through very muddy paths. After she dumped him out by hitting a mud-buried tree root, Todd decided to be a gentleman and push for her. He only managed to spill beer on Ben once. Very convenient how those strollers come with cup holders, huh?

While everyone else was watching the jousting, Seth and I decided to rest on a bench (again, we’re so lazy) and decided to entertain ourselves by taking pictures of very large people, vary large people eating cheese-covered anything, and very large people trying to dodge our camera. Don’t ask me why…I guess we just felt we had amassed far too much good karma.

We just bought the big yellow one this year.

By the time all was said and done, all the beer in the park had been consumed, Seth had finally farted loud enough for people to hear it (instead of only dogs), we’d eaten everything-on-a-stick (then the stick) and we’d bought the usual trinkets. All this required at least two visits to Ye Olde ATM.

This includes an egg made by our favorite boobalicious crafts-woman, Yolanda, from Royal Eggs. I’d include a link here, but she doesn’t have a website…yet) We buy one of her eggs every year and as of now, we have acquired our seventh.

We all had a blast and look forward to next year’s festival. Enlarging the group by having Scott and Ray in tow as well will be even that much more fabulous-eth.

Posted in Friends, Just For Fun, Our Writings | 8 Comments »

Tranny Ann’s Trans-America

Posted by Daniel on October 12, 2007

History Repeats Herself

So I’m scanning through channels on TV early this week and decide to see how the stock market did for the day, when I happen to notice an all-too-familiar face on the screen.  After spending a weekend of Halloween decorating, it seemed appropriate that the ghoulish figure now before me could scare the bee-jeezus out of me.

It was our old friend, America’s scariest and most lying voice of freedom and virtue, Ann Coulter.  Great.  Just when you think you’ve heard the last of this bitch.  What, does Ann have yet another book of lies to pawn off on America’s weak-minded Kool-Aid drinkers?? 

But I figured, “What the hell…might as well hear the topic of her rant for this month, right?”  Besides, I’d already seen the day’s stock finishes.

Well, very quick into the interview hosted by Donny Deutsch, it appears America’s flag-waver may find herself in the midst of a controversy for comments suggesting America would be better if everyone was Christian.

Asked by CNBC host Donny Deutsch what the U.S. looks like in her dreams, Coulter said it would look like the Republican National Convention in 2004

“People were happy,” she said. “They’re Christian. They’re tolerant. They defend America.”  Okay, I’d give her the ‘happy’ part, as their Commander-in-Cheats, Bush, was still President…but ‘tolerant‘??  Give me a fucking small break!!!

Watch Coulter’s comments on CNBC

When Deutsch responded, “It would be better if we were all Christian?” Coulter said “Yeah.”

Deutsch, himself Jewish, continued to press Coulter on her remarks, asking, “We should just throw Judaism away and we should all be Christians then?”

“Yeah,” Coulter responded, adding “Well, it’s a lot easier. It’s kind of a fast track.”

“You can’t possibly believe that,” Deutsch responded. “You can’t possibly. You’re too educated.”

“Do you know what Christianity is?” Coulter replied. “See, we believe your religion, but you have to obey. We have the fast track program.”

Later in the interview Deutsch asked Coulter if she doesn’t want any Jews in the world, Coulter responded, “No, we think — we just want Jews to be perfected, as they say.”

“Wow, you didn’t really say that, did you,” Deutsch said.

“Yeah, no,” Coulter replied. “That’s what Christianity is. We believe the Old Testament, but ours is more like Federal Express. You have to obey laws. We know we’re all sinners.”

Deutsch said he was personally offended.

“No. I’m sorry. It is not intended to be,” she said. “I don’t think you should take it that way, but that is what Christians consider themselves: perfected Jews. We believe the Old Testament. As you know from the Old Testament, God was constantly getting fed up with humans for not being able to live up to all the laws. What Christians believe — this is just a statement of what the New Testament is — is that that’s why Christ came and died for our sins. Christians believe the Old Testament. You don’t believe our testament.”

Deutsch continued to call Coulter’s comments anti-semetic.

“No, no, — I don’t want you being offended by this,” she responded. (it’s funny how she vomits this type of shit daily in every interview, then follows it up by saying she doesn’t want people to be offended)  “This is what Christians consider themselves, because our testament is the continuation of your testament. You know that. So we think Jews go to heaven. I mean, [the late Rev. Jerry] Falwell himself said that, but you have to follow laws. Ours is “Christ died for our sins.” We consider ourselves perfected Christians. For me to say that for you to become a Christian is to become a perfected Christian is not offensive at all.”

Posted in Media Matters, Politics, Religion, Today's Rant | 1 Comment »

Having Your Caucus & Eating It Too

Posted by Daniel on October 10, 2007

Five Democratic presidential candidates Tuesday sought to officially withdraw from Michigan’s January 15 primary, rendering the event virtually insignificant.

Sen. Barack Obama of Illinois, Sen. Joe Biden of Delaware, New Mexico Gov. Bill Richardson, former Sen. John Edwards of North Carolina, and Rep. Dennis Kucinich of Ohio all announced the move Tuesday, the deadline for filing such paperwork.

The feud between the Michigan Democratic Party and the DNC comes as the Republicans face off in a presidential debate in Dearborn, Michigan.

Under Democratic National Committee rules, only Iowa, Nevada, New Hampshire and South Carolina are allowed to hold primaries before February 5.

But Michigan Democrats moved their state’s primary date to January in an effort to increase the state’s influence in the nominee selection process, arguing Iowa and New Hampshire unfairly dominate the process.

The five candidates, as well as Sens. Hillary Clinton of New York and Chris Dodd of Connecticut, had already agreed not to campaign in Michigan and Florida, both of which bucked party rules by scheduling their nominating contests before February 5.

Biden’s campaign called the Michigan primary a “beauty contest.”

“Today’s decision reaffirms our pledge to respect the primary calendar as established by the DNC and makes it clear that we will not play into the politics of money and Republican machinations that only serve to interfere with the primary calendar,” said Biden campaign manager Luis Navarro.

“We’re very disappointed and this is another example of why the monopoly that Iowa and New Hampshire have, needs to end,” Michigan Democratic Party spokesman Jason Moon said.

Moon declined to speculate about whether the party will move the date of its primary or hold a caucus.

While Dodd’s campaign is “committed to the importance of Iowa and New Hampshire going first,” Dodd will not withdraw from the ballot, said Dodd’s communications director Hari Sevugan.

“It does not benefit any of us, if we are the nominee, to pull our name off the ballot and slight Michigan voters,” Sevugan said.

The Clinton campaign said she will not withdraw from the Michigan ballot because it is unnecessary to do so.

The Biden campaign criticized Clinton and Dodd for not taking their names off the ballot.

“The Dodd and Clinton campaigns have chosen to hedge their bets, thereby throwing this process into further disarray,” Biden campaign manager Navarro said. “In doing so, they have abandoned Democrats in Iowa, Nevada, New Hampshire and South Carolina.”

Political analyst Bill Schneider suggested the Democrats who withdrew may have calculated that it was simply in their best political interest to do so.

“If there’s no campaign, the candidate most likely to win Michigan is Hillary Clinton,” Schneider said. “Her Democratic rivals don’t want a Clinton victory in Michigan to count. They want Iowa and New Hampshire, where they have a better chance of stopping Clinton, to count more.”

But Clinton may also benefit from staying and winning even a non-competitive primary, Schneider said.

“It will earn her a lot of good will in Michigan if the state schedules a later caucus to pick its delegates,” he said.

The DNC voted to punish both Michigan and Florida by refusing to seat their delegates at next summer’s Democratic National Convention.

In response, Florida Democrats last week filed a lawsuit against the DNC, asserting the national party’s punishment is illegal because it denies Florida the right to help choose the Democratic nominee for President.

Candidates have until October 31 to withdraw from the Florida primary, Albert Martine, a spokesman for Florida Speaker of the House Marco Rubio, said.

Both Florida and Michigan could play critical roles in the next presidential election.

Florida proved its importance during the recount and the ensuing Supreme Court decision that decided the 2000 election.

And Michigan is a large state Democrats may need in the presidential election, but can’t take for granted. Al Gore won the state by only five percentage points in 2000, and John Kerry took the state by only three points in the last election.

Posted in Campaign 2008, Media Matters, Politics | 1 Comment »

God’s Little Lip-Servant

Posted by Daniel on October 8, 2007

After speaking to an evangelical church on Sunday in this traditionally conservative South Carolina city, Sen. Barack Obama said that Republicans no longer have a firm grip on religion in political discourse.“I think its important particularly for those of us in the Democratic Party to not cede values and faith to any one party,” Obama told reporters outside the Redemption World Outreach Center where he attended services.

“I think that what you’re seeing is a breaking down of the sharp divisions that existed maybe during the nineties, when at least in politics the perception was that the Democrats were fearful of talking about faith, and on the other hand you had the Republicans who had a particular brand of faith that often times seemed intolerant or pushed people away,” he said.

Obama noted that he was pleased leaders in the evangelical community like T.D. Jakes and Rick Warren were beginning to discuss social justice issues like AIDS and poverty in ways evangelicals were not doing before.

“I think that’s a healthy thing, that we’re not putting people in boxes, that everybody is out there trying to figure out how do we live right and how do we create a stronger America,” Obama said.

During the nearly two hour service that featured a rock band and hip-hop dancers, Obama shared the floor with the church’s pastor, Ron Carpenter. The senator from Illinois asked the multiracial crowd of nearly 4,000 people to keep him and his family in their prayers, and said he hoped to be “an instrument of God.”

“Sometimes this is a difficult road being in politics,” Obama said. “Sometimes you can become fearful, sometimes you can become vain, sometimes you can seek power just for power’s sake instead of because you want to do service to God. I just want all of you to pray that I can be an instrument of God in the same way that Pastor Ron and all of you are instruments of God.”

He finished his brief remarks by saying, “We’re going to keep on praising together. I am confident that we can create a Kingdom right here on Earth.”

Asked if he talks about faith more in churchgoing South Carolina than he does in the other early voting states of Iowa and New Hampshire, Obama said: “I don’t talk about it all the time, but when I’m in church I talk about it.”

Posted in Campaign 2008, Religion | 2 Comments »

Gay’s Gay Bashing

Posted by Daniel on October 7, 2007

Michael Sandy’s killing had all the hallmarks of a hate crime: a gay man ambushed by a group of men, then chased into the path of a speeding car.But the murder trial has produced a surprise twist: The man who first suggested going after a gay target says he may be gay too.

Taking the stand in his own defense, Anthony Fortunato testified about having a series of one-night stands with men he met online. He said he’d been having homosexual impulses since he was around 13, although he kept that hidden from friends.

“I was living two complete double lives,” said Fortunato, 21. But he waffled when asked directly about his sexual orientation.

“I don’t know,” he said. “I could be homosexual. A homosexual. Bisexual.”

The revelation — corroborated by three men who testified that they had sexual encounters with Fortunato — was intended to question the validity of charging him with a hate crime, an offense that could add years to his prison sentence if he is convicted.

Defense attorney Gerald Di Chiara said his client clearly had no hatred for gays.

Fortunato, one of four white men charged in the assault, acknowledged on the stand that it was his idea to enter an online chat room and find a gay man to set up.

He said the plan had been to try to trick Sandy, a 28-year-old black man, into giving them marijuana or money — not to attack him. Things got out of hand, he claimed, when a co-defendant who is being tried separately decided on his own to escalate the encounter to a violent mugging.

Brooklyn prosecutors argue that Fortunato’s sexual orientation is irrelevant. Under New York law, they said, defendants can be convicted of a hate crime even if they bear no actual hatred for their victim.

The law only requires that they have singled out a person for a violent act because of some belief or stereotype about that person’s ethnicity, gender, religion, age, disability or sexual orientation.

The judge overseeing the case backed that interpretation of the law before trial.

“This is a case where the defendants deliberately set out to commit a violent crime against a man whom they intentionally selected because of his sexual orientation,” wrote state Supreme Court Justice Jill Konviser.

Legal scholars also said the law appears to be on the prosecution’s side.

“The issue in the case is, why did they select this guy, as opposed to some other guy? They selected him because he was gay,” said Arthur Leonard, a professor at New York Law School who has been following the case. Therefore, he added, it doesn’t matter whether they actually hated him or merely thought he would be weak and vulnerable.

Queens prosecutors recently used the hate crimes statute to charge a man accused of trying to defraud several elderly victims — another case that matches the prosecution’s theory in Fortunato’s trial that the victim was chosen because he was easy prey.

One legal expert said it wouldn’t be unheard of for a gay person to lash out in hatred at another gay person.

Research has suggested that at least some violent gay bashing is committed by people who are sexually confused themselves, said Ruthann Robson, a professor at the City University of New York School of Law whose specialties include gay sexuality and the law.

“It’s self-hatred,” Robson said. “That doesn’t meant that they should be allowed to act out and hurt other people because they are confused about their sexuality.”

Fortunato and one of his co-defendants, John Fox, are charged with a range of crimes. Closing arguments at their trial were scheduled for Wednesday and Thursday.

Jurors could convict them of murder or the lesser charge of manslaughter, or of only robbery and assault. On each count, the jury also has the option of convicting the pair of a hate crime, which would enhance any prison sentence.

Posted in GLBT, Media Matters, Our Writings | Leave a Comment »

Executive Privilege

Posted by Daniel on October 4, 2007

Well, after a week of the most nagging cough and allergies being driven to the point of head explosion, I think I can get back to this without further ado.

Seems a lot has been happening in the world during this past week. What’s caught my attention the most has been the political theater. From Rush Limbaugh calling people “phony soldiers”, to Bush vetoing funding for poor kids (part of No Child Left Behind?), to former President Carter in a shouting match with Sudanese officials.

There’s been so much written about these topics, I’ll just give my cliff-note thoughts…

First, stop getting so worked up over Rush Limbaugh. Taking in to account that he used the pimple on his over-sized ass as an excuse for a deferment from going to Vietnam, he just adds more validity to the old saying, “Those that can’t do, teach.” So consider the source. And you can add my name to the list of supporters of those in the Senate and Congress who are demanding an apology from Limbaugh. Since they did it to MoveOn.org for the “General Betray Us” ad, what’s good for the goose should be good for the big fat pimply-assed gander. Just remember, Limbaugh coined the phrase “General Betray Us” on his radio ‘show’ months before MoveOn.org used it in the New York Times ad. Look it up.

Then yesterday, Mr. Bush vetoed a funding legislation that would have significantly expanded funding for a program that provides health insurance to children of working-class families. This program, called SCHIP, is a national program in the United States which provides health insurance for families who earn too much money to qualify for Medicaid, yet cannot afford to buy private insurance. The program was created to address the growing number of children in the United States without health insurance. Mr. Bush’s final argument on the issue before putting veto pen to paper was that there was no way to fund this expansion because, “Where are we supposed to find the extra funds for this entitlement?” Um, I dunno…maybe from the Iraq war funding, or perhaps the no-bid contracts for Halliburton or Blackwater?

Personal Note: See Seth? I told you I’d remember that name…Halliburton!!

This brings me to President Carter. Man, I’m getting so fucking sick of hearing people, both on the right AND left, calling Carter’s run-in with Sudanese officials a “Meltdown”!! For those of you what need a refresher, the 83-year-old Mr. Carter wanted to visit a refugee camp in South Darfur, but the United Nations mission in Sudan decided that such a visit would be too dangerous. Instead, Mr. Carter agreed to fly to the World Food Program compound in this North Darfur town, where he was supposed to meet with refugees.

But none of the refugees showed up, and Mr. Carter decided to walk into the town, a volatile stronghold of the pro-government janjaweed militia, to meet refugees who were too frightened to attend the meeting at the compound.

He was able to make it to a school, where he met with one tribal representative, and was preparing to go farther into town when Sudanese security officers stopped him. “You can’t go — it’s not on the program!” the local security chief, who would give only his first name, Omar, yelled at Mr. Carter, who is in Darfur as part of a delegation of respected international figures known as The Elders.

“We’re going to anyway!” Mr. Carter retorted angrily as a crowd began to gather. “You don’t have the power to stop me!”

The news media and especially the talking butt-heads have called this a “meltdown”. I call that bullshit. If anything, it shows we do, in fact, have a President (albeit a former President) with a big shiny pair of balls. Here’s an 83 year old man standing in front of hostile government officials and soldiers with machine guns telling them he WILL be walking into a refugee camp to speak with victims of said government officials and soldiers with machine guns. This is the very definition of peace keeping and diplomacy.

Unlike the current President, Mr. Carter knows what it takes to be a peacekeeper. Even if that means using the weapon of a raised voice.

It’s kinda funny, Seth and I were talking politics – I’m trying to catch him up on the issues and news – and I made a statement that seemed to strike a chord in both of us. I told him how I thought it was odd that the former Democratic Presidents were all about using their names and clout for helping people around the world and promoting world peace and diplomacy with the other world leaders. They get their hands dirty and really work their asses off for the better good of people and planet. But what about the former Republican President(s)? Bush Sr. is still sitting on a fishing boat in Maine. And can you possibly picture this president (after he’s out of office) doing anything to promote diplomacy or world peace?

Carter was considered a failed President. He’s a Nobel laureate who builds homes for poor people and travels the worlds most dangerous countries as a peace maker.

Bush Sr. is considered a failed president and is fishing. He did make a trip to Indonesia with Clinton after the tsunami, but since then he’s been fishing.

Clinton is considered (by many in the U.S. and the world) a great president, although he was an idiot for deciding to “stem the rose” with an intern. But he’s now traveling the world promoting peace and heads up the Clinton Global Initiative, A non-partisan project of the William J. Clinton Foundation, CGI brings together a community of global leaders to devise and implement innovative solutions to some of the world’s most pressing challenges. CGI has approximately 1,000 members, diverse and influential leaders from all over the world, who make tangible commitments to create or support projects within CGI’s areas of focus.

Geroge W. Bush will, after he’s finally out of office, be counting the money he’s made from kickbacks from Halliburton and Blackwater, as he’s kicking back with his dad on the boat fishing in Kennebunkport, Maine.  Maybe he’ll invite Rush Limbaugh to join him.  This way Rush (the water-carrier) can enjoy some quality time with a REAL phony soldier.

Posted in Common Sense, Media Matters, News, Our Writings, Politics | 1 Comment »