The Tempest Online™

~ Sic gorgiamus allos subjectatos nunc. ~

Fuck You, You Young Punk!!!

Posted by Daniel on February 8, 2008

So this evening after work, Seth and I decide to treat ourselves and Steve to some good old heart healthy dinner. Naturally we head to KFC for a biggo bucket of artery-clogging original recipe love. It’s Friday night…fuck the diet we never stick to anyway.

What never ceases to amaze me is all the goofy shit that seems to happen to either us or, as in the case that follows, me.

I order our tried and true 12-piece with three sides (mac & cheese, mashed taters and gravy and potato wedges, for those of you who just had to know), and biscuits.

Now, while the fetus behind the counter who took our order was busy picking up two dropped chicken wings (that went into someone else’s order, thank Jeebus), I happen to notice the total of my purchase.

Hmmm. Almost three dollars less (including taxes) than the item was supposed to be priced.

My first thought was, I’ll admit, a bit vain. “This little twink must think I’m a chicken hawk or something. Cheeky little monkey trying to butter me (or my biscuits) up.”

Then reality sets in. So I turn to Seth and point out the obvious register-mistake that can only be blamed on youth.

Naturally we have a hardy laugh at the thought of Opie at closing time having to reconcile his register out of his knock-off slacker pants pocket.


Tiny Timmy sachet’s back over to us and hands me my credit card receipt and order ticket. Something told me to give it a lookie-loo over.

1 12PC Meal 26.29
12 Original
Lrg. Mac Cheese
Lg. Pot Wedges
Lg. Pot/gravy
6 Biscuits
No Thanks
1 Senior Disc -2.63

Tax 1.62
Total Due 25.28
Visa 25.28
Change Due 0.00

Now, guess where my cranky side kicked in!!

When I noticed he’d given me a SENIOR DISCOUNT I was so horrified that I almost fell over my walker.

This little Brittany Spears superfan wannabe sees a mouth full of perfect teeth and a couple of gray hairs and suddenly he thinks I need help walking myself across the street!!

Now granted, I am 44, but give this future curmudgeon a small fucking break!!!! It ain’t like I’m standing there pooping in my depends or dropping my teeth in their crappy chocolate iced cake. Okay, so I did fart while I was in line…but it wasn’t as though dust flew outta my ass.

Anyhoo…a few hours later and I’ve sucked some chicken bones so clean they, like me (apparently) look like fossils.

So, to the recently un-wombed placenta breathed arse tard behind the counter at our local KFC I just want to say thanks for the great meal…and no hard feelings.

Thanks for the discount, dickhead!!!


6 Responses to “Fuck You, You Young Punk!!!”

  1. Brian said

    After reading this story, I have but one question for you. What the heck is a “record player” and how many songs will it hold at one time? What is the GB on the thing?

  2. Scott said

    You should have hit him with your cane. You will always be older than me…you old fart!!! I will make sure you never forget this little moment, what else are friends for.

  3. Kevin B said

    Hey, Daniel… it happens to us all!
    Just wait until the first time a kid calls you “Sir!”

  4. Kevin B said

    Don’t hold back , now, tell us how you REALLY feel…

  5. RevelKC2 said

    I just want to say I refrained from indulging, thank you very much.

    Ok…I had one chicken leg. And a spoonful of macaroni. But that was it.


    There MAY have been a second chicken leg and a biscuit…BUT JUST ONE BISCUIT. To go with the spoonful of mash potatoes. No butter. Honest.

    I still have my principles.



  6. Jeffe said

    Hilair story Danny m’boy!

    What kind of a moron though, would mistake YOUR boyish good looks, and impish smile, for those of a senor citizen???

    I think ya shoulda’ spanked him…

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