The Tempest Online™

~ Sic gorgiamus allos subjectatos nunc. ~

A Forth Of Firsts

Posted by Daniel on July 5, 2008

They always say, “There’s a first time for everything.” And you know what?

They’re right.

Yesterday we (Terry, Theresa, Seth & I) all went up to Millerton lake for some holiday skiing, sunning and schmoozing with friends. We we got there and noticed the lake was at least 25 feet lower than their previous visit…Millerton is one of many lakes that is siphoned from by Los Angeles.

We launched from a lower area and proceeded to speed off to a really cool cove waaaaay in the back where boats just sort of anchor off, tie up and folks just relax and socialize.

Not too long after we got there, we were met up by two other couples (close friends) on their boats and we all tied up together. Some call it a white trash yacht club…I call it cool as hell.

Anyways, before we knew it, three other boats had attached and we had this large flotilla going, one vessel of which was passing out Jello shots.

Theresa is always so funny, especially when her girlfriends are around. They are constantly trying to figure out who the gay men are. And when they can’t get a consensus going, they ask both Seth and I to whip out our “gaydar” and point out the “mo’s”. One guy, I forgot his name the second he mentioned it, seemed to have everyone convinced he was either gay or curious. Even Seth said he probably was “curious” at the least. I am not so easily swayed by a word or gesture. And my gaydar is never wrong. I told them all that not only was he not gay, and his veiled attempt to hit on my sister in-law pretty much sealed the deal. Besides, no self-respecting gay would let his pee-pee swing around in non-netted knee-length swim trunks. Honestly, a girl likes to have some mystery, n’ est pas?

Well, getting to the nitty gritty, the first of our firsts is when I let Seth talk me into removing my swim trunks to reveal the square cut speedo’s I was wearing underneath. They don’t leave much (if anything) to the imagination, I’ll admit,and my uber-butch brother and his testosterone team of buddy’s were, to say the least, agog. They actually thought I was swimming in my underwear!!! Men…they can be so stupid sometimes.

So, to save them any further embarrassment (yeah, mine is bigger than theirs), I dawned my trunks and all was then well again.

The second first was when, several hours later, Seth and Sherry decided to race/swim from our flotilla to the shore. It turns out that it was farther than they’d originally thought. Seth won the race – surprisingly – and they both laid back on the beach trying not to throw up. Meanwhile, I was still on the boat and decided it was time to jump in so’s to wee-wee.

Here is where things went to shit.

First of all, I can’t swim. I can dive in, paddle about a bit and keep the boat within reach. But that is the extent of my water prowess. It is not like me to pull an Esther Williams.

Yesterday proved otherwise.

I dove off the boat, but rather than jumping up then arching straight down, I somehow managed to dive far forward. When I came back up I realized I was being pulled away somewhat by a current. Then I couldn’t see the boat, nor hear their voices, because a nearby boat was blaring their fucking rap bullshit too loud. SO I thought I’d try to float on my back towards where I thought the boat was. Instead, I was heading further away and towards the shore, which was at least another 150 feet. Then my arms and legs seemed to lock up and I could no longer hold myself above water. I was actually going under.

This is where Sherry became my hero. Neither she nor Seth understood what I was doing, as they both know I can’t swim. But at first they thought I was just playing around. So Sherry decided to swim back towards the boat. Seth was still resting on the beach. As Sherry approached me, she still thought my flailing was play, until she heard me trying to scream for help and saw me going under. She grabbed my arm and held me up.

Fortunately for both of us, I still had enough in my brain to remember that in a situation like that, you NEVER grab a hold of the person trying to save you. That could put BOTH lives in jeopardy.

At this time, as I was later told, my brother and his friend shot out from the boat and swam their asses off to get to us. They knew this was serious. They each grabbed a side of me and swam like hell back to the boat. They got me back aboard and it took over an hour for my legs and arms to relax.

Here’s an irony for you…you can get dehydrated very quickly even when immersed in water. This is what causes your body to stiffen up and makes your body sink.

Honestly, had it not been for Sherry, Terry and Tom, I’d be dead as I write this. When Seth made it back to the boat, he fucking lost it and it took him hours to stop worrying. I told him the only thing hurt was my pride.

What a fucking trip!!! And a hell of a lesson learned…NEVER go into the water un-escorted. EVER.

That embarrassing little ‘mishap’ behind us, we all settled back into our usual relaxing and laughing session.

A few hours later, we all decided that 8 hours out there was enough for one day, so we all cast off and headed back to the docks. On our way back, Terry wanted to do a little skiing and water boarding. Then we docked, hauled the boat out of the water and headed out of the lake exit.

Here comes another first.

On our way out, Theresa noticed several cop cars and K-9 units at the exit. Obviously doing DUI checks. So she told Terry that she needed to drive because he’s had a few on the lake. When we reached the gates, Terry noticed Sherry and her big-ass dog, Reno, standing next to one of the cop cars. We stopped to see what had happened. Her husband had been randomly selected for a pull-over, BARELY failed a breathalizer test, and was being hauled off to jail. Keep in mind, this is the nicest man who has never even so much has had a parking ticket. This means he’ll pay $5000 fine, have a DUI on his record for 10 years and 1 year of community service.

Sure, I suppose you could say “them’s the breaks”, but it still really sucks.

We decided to try to help Sherry with hauling their boat back to their house, but she’d already beaten us there. So we stopped in, Terry backed the boat into their garage for her (he IS a true gentleman) and she then proceeded to invite us in, gave us a tour of their gorgeous house, offered food and drinks and then invited us to go swimming in her pool.

That’s how funny Sherry is. Even in a time of crisis, she wanted to be a gracious hostess. And she’s from New York. Go figya!! She pronounces her name, “Sha-ry”…you do the New Yawk math.

Her gentle giant of a husband was even taking everything in stride. He called from a holding cell downtown, heard that we were there for support for Sherry, and told her to tell us to enjoy the little impromptu party. Yeah, he’s that cool.

They finally released him at 3 this morning, and he’s looking forward to our next trip to the lake. I believe he and Terry will be drinking water and tea today.

Now there’s a first!!!

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One Response to “A Forth Of Firsts”

  1. curt said

    Holy crap! I just looked up Square Cut Speedos on Ebay and saw what form-fitting, skin hugging things they were. No wonder the other guys were jealous. How well are you hung, Daniel? And where do you find such revealing suits????

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