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Archive for August, 2008

Goodnight Pillow

Posted by Seth on August 29, 2008

Dear Pillow,

If ever I’ve needed someone to rest my head on, you’ve always been there. My whole life, you’ve been there. Sometimes I wonder if you know me better than anyone I’ve ever known. You’ve heard me laugh when times were great. You’ve heard me cry when times were hard. You’ve heard me bitch and complain, snore at night, toss and turn, and on a really good day, you’ve heard me moan. Above all, you hear the intimate details of my prayers. Only something that is kept between God and myself. This is why I believe you to know me better than anyone else, Pillow.

Every night you hear something different. But it has been a while since you’ve heard the sound of my heart breaking. Sorry for getting that side of you wet, Pillow. You may not know why I was crying. I couldn’t speak. I should have told you. Maybe it would have made me feel a little better.

Well Pillow, last night Daniel and I were informed that we have one month to find our own place. That’s fine by me. That’s what we’ve been wanting since we’ve been here! We don’t like being sequestered in our room like Flowers In The Attic! We don’t want to eat the fuckin cookie!

No, Pillow, why I’m so hurt isn’t because we’re being forced out. I’m hurt because this just adds to me feeling like I’m not trying hard enough or my feeling of low self worth. We were told “…he has to find something.” Well, no shit Shirlock! Don’t you think I’ve been trying? It’s not like I’m sitting at home all day with my thumb up my ass. No, I have gone into places to apply. I have called about jobs. I have followed up on jobs. I have faxed, emailed, mailed letters, asked people to put in a good word for me, gone to agencies, and yes I’ve literally even begged! Do you have any suggestions Pillow? I can’t think anymore!

In the last year, I have worked three whole months! Being someone who does not like not working, that is a big kick to the ego! I’m working double overtime mentally to find a job. Now, that’s not good enough. What are we going to do if I can’t get something by the end of next month?

Maybe Daniel was right. Maybe we will be living under a bridge until a miracle happens. At least I’ll still have you Pillow.

I can’t think anymore right now, Pillow. Goodnight.


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Posted in Family, Friends, Life, Our Writings, Today's Rant, Uncategorized | 1 Comment »

How To Tell…

Posted by Daniel on August 27, 2008

Oh GAWD, Not Another One!!!

I was asked a question recently by a friend at work that at first, made me want to go all Rip Taylor…but then my more rational side prevailed and I was compelled to offer the following:

Relationships are full of ups and downs. One day, you may be the love of each other’s lives and the next day, you may find your stuff out on the sidewalk. Dealing with a partner who may have affections for the same sex is one of the biggest relat- ionship hurdles of all. Figuring out whether your boyfriend is gay requires a little introspection and a lot of honestly.

STEP 1 – Remember the last time you two were intimate. If you can’t remember, this could be a warning sign that your boyfriend is gay. If you don’t have what it takes to get his engine running, he’ll likely withdraw from you, and your sex life will become minimal or non- existent. Or she is just rubbish in bed. Be aware, though, that some gay men go the other way and overcompensate for their sexuality by wanting to have sex with their girlfriends all the time. WTF? That’s so so… I don’t know the word for it. Why the hell would I do that if I can’t even get a hard on?

STEP 2 – Pay attention to his mannerisms. If he appears to be effem- inate and extra-sensitive to your feelings, it may be a sign that your boyfriend is gay. Or she is simply insensitive and dumb. And being gay does NOT necessary have to be effeminate.

STEP 3 – Look at his grooming habits. If he takes longer in the bath- room than you do to get ready in the morning, that could be a warning sign. Oh really? Owning lots of different beauty products and being up on the top designer shoes and handbags could mean that he’s playing for the other team. Hello? Or maybe he earns more than she does and wants to ‘look after’ himself. Hey, we now live in a metrosexual world so get over it!

STEP 4 – Notice if he’s vocal about his distaste for gay men. While it seems counterintuitive, many men that are still in the closet become ‘gay-bashers’ as a way of protecting their true identity. So, if your boyfriend is quick to tell everyone around him that he isn’t gay, that very well may mean that he is. Congratulations girl!

So there you go…verbal gaydar. Just don’t tell the rest of the gays that I’ve exposed one of our trade secrets…m’kaaaayyy???

Posted in Bad Advice Meant Well, Common Sense, Friends, GLBT, Just For Fun, Our Writings | Tagged: , , , | 2 Comments »

Make Time For Life

Posted by Seth on August 21, 2008

Ever since I’ve been old enough to make my own decisions, I never liked taking the easy route. I’ve always taken the long way around. Just recently I realized why I’ve always done that. I like to learn. I’m not just talking about reading a book or researching a topic, I like to learn life lessons.

I have a special talent for putting myself through an emense amount of stress and biting off more than I can chew. It’s not really healthy, but it’s the way I’m wired. I like doing things the hard way so I can teach and help others through their situations through experience. It makes me a well rounded person.

Also, I’m excited about life. I love it! It’s one thing that I want to be sucessful in my life, but I also want to live it!  I don’t want to ever look back and say “I wish I would have done that.” That’s why I’m usually very relaxed, happy, carefree, and of the mind set of “fuck it!” Sounds a little bitter I know. I’ve just learned that saying that frees your mind.

Don’t get me wrong, I have my limitations. I’m not going to go out and sleep with every random person I can and just say, “You only live once!” No, to be a little more specific, my mentality is “Don’t be afraid, but proceed with caution.” It never hurts to have a backup plan, just don’t be afraid to follow through with Plan A.

The past three years, my life has changed DRASTICALLY! In a nut shell, I have just learned to live my life the way I want to. I couldn’t continue to live pleasing everyone else. I broke some hearts, hurt loved ones, and caused stress to others. On the other hand I’ve made so many people proud of me. It’s nice to hear someone say, “I wish I could do what you can.” Well, you can if you allow yourself. It just takes preperation, a strong will, and stubborness!

Here are a few things I have learned over the past few years, and still learning:

Don’t live life with regrets. If you want to do something for yourself, do it.

Don’t live beyond your means.

Budget your money!

Don’t be afraid to move across the country.

Take time to stop and enjoy the outdoors.

There is ALWAYS someone that is worse off than you.

If you have the means to help someone, in whatever way you can, do it. It will be returned to you in one form or another.

Be thankful for the people in your life. You never know when you’re going to lose them.

Don’t stress about something that can’t be taken care of immediatly. It only makes things worse.

Don’t quit your day job unless you have another lined up!

Regardless of what your head is telling you, follow your heart and gut instinct.

Communication is worth more to a relationship than love.

Don’t live with the fact that you make mistakes. Learn from them.

Don’t settle with being comfortable. Settle for being happy!

Think outside the box.

Posted in Because You Count, Common Sense, Family, Friends, Just For Fun, Life, Our Writings, Today's Rant, Uncategorized | Leave a Comment »

Celebrities And Their Candidates

Posted by Seth on August 20, 2008

Celebrities have a huge impact on people. In recent years, this has been a growing trend. They set the fashion, diets, hair styles, and most recently, politics. It seems that the people who inspire us the most to feel the worst about ourself images, have this way of persuading us to lean one way or another politically. 

If you’re like me, you just don’t give a shit. Most people don’t. But there are some weak-minded people who let Hollywood decide for them. For example, there is Oprah. She is by far one of the richest women in the world, and has the ability to persuade people. Unfortunatly that’s what money can do. Pathetic, yes.

Again, I don’t give a shit who votes for who. But I do find it kind of interesting. I think it’s because it lets you into their personal life just a little more. I only say this in reference to the celebrities I like. Plus, you see some celebrities you may not expect to vote for one candidate or another.

Posted, by the LA Times, are some celebrities and who they’re supporting.

 Angie Harmon for McCain
   Bruce Springsteen for Obama   

 Elton John for ClintoEva Longoria Parker for Clinton


Glen Close for HillaryHalle Berry for Obama

 John Cleese for Obama 
(even though he can’t vote in this count)

Jack Nicholson for Hillary

 Tom Hanks for Obama

Roseanne for Clinton

  Jon Bon Jovi for Clinton

Tom Selleck for John McCain

Celebrities for Clinton:
Magic Johnson
Quincy Jones
Celine Dion
Rob Reiner
Steven Spielberg
Danny DeVito
Barbara Streisand
Whoopi Goldberg

Celebrities for Obama:
Ben Affleck
David Geffen
Edward Norton
Will Smith
Eddie Murphy
George Clooney
Morgan Freeman

Celebrities for McCain:
Heidi Montag
Sylvester Stallone
(maybe he should stay out of Hollywood)

Posted in Campaign 2008, Celebrities, Just For Fun, Media Matters, News, Our Writings, Today's Rant, Uncategorized | Leave a Comment »

Investment Tips For 2008

Posted by Daniel on August 20, 2008

For all of you with any money left, (I know there are fewer of you than ever) be aware of the next expected mergers so that you can get in on the ground floor and make some BIG bucks.

Watch for these consolidations in 2008:

1.) Hale Business Systems, Mary Kay Cosmetics, Fuller Brush, and W. R. Grace Co. Will merge and become:
Hale, Mary, Fuller, Grace
.

2.) PolygramRecords, Warner Bros., and ZestaCrackers join forces and become:
Poly, Warner Cracker.

3.) 3M will merge with Goodyear and become:
MMMGood.

4. ZippoManufacturing, AudiMotors, Dofasco, and Dakota Mining will merge and become:
ZipAudiDoDa.

5. FedEx is expected to join its competitor, UPS, and become:
FedUP.

6. Fairchild Electronics and Honeywell Computers will become:
Fairwell Honeychild.

7. Grey Poupon and Docker Pants are expected to become:
PouponPants.

Knotts Berry Farm and the National Organization of Women will become:
Knott NOW!

And finally….

9. Victoria ‘s Secret and Smith &Wesson will merge under the new name:
TittyTittyBangBang.

Posted in Bad Advice Meant Well, Common Sense, Just For Fun | Tagged: , , , | 1 Comment »

Sex In The Wireless Age

Posted by Daniel on August 19, 2008

Wireless SexHave you noticed how disconnected we’ve all become lately?

I realize this isn’t a new question, but it seems more apparent every day that the art of actually talking face to face has gone the way of the Dodo bird.

Not that that is a bad thing all the time. As one who suffers horrible from social anxiety, and mixed with the fact that I’m just not what most would refer to as a “people-person”, most of the time not talking to people is perfectly fine by me. Especially people I don’t already know…MAN they can be so annoying sometimes.

What I’m posting about this time is more to do with the fact that in this wireless age, instead of actually talking, people seem more at ease with pushing GAWD-awful-small buttons instead.

See, I come from a long line of talkers. Not just that, but we’re speed talkers. We talk very fast and loud and our natural dialect sounds like a hint of attitude (or “tone” to SOME). My sister and mother share this little trait with me. Social anxiety aside, I do love to talk the ears off of those I do know.

But of late, though I bitch a lot about how dependent everyone seems to have become on texting rather than actually speaking, I must admit I opted for the “unlimited texting” option on my wireless plan as well.

I’ve gotten so good at it – thanks in no small way to the deliciousness that is my Blackberry – that I can fire off an entire conversation just as fast as I used to speak. And ask anyone, I can speak pretty dang fast.

I used to be one of those people who would say, “Why bother texting when you could just call the person? Less carpal tunnel.”

Not so much anymore.

People are just so busy these days and we all seem to find the wireless ways to be better…not very social, I’ll admit, but that the twenty-first century for you. It’s gotten so bad that we find ourselves grabbing our PDA’s, whipping out the stylus and “penciling in” whatever and whomever for whenever.

Mess CommunicationsEven today, I was making a joke with my sweetie and realized it wasn’t too far off the truth. Because we’ve both been very busy lately, we haven’t had hanky panky for almost a week (that’s a record for us, by the way). So I jokingly told him, “I want you to make room in your day today for us to have “the sex” (Family Guy reference). When can you squeeze me in?”

The double entendre of that last part wasn’t lost on either of us. We both laughed, but only half-heartedly, as we both knew it’s gotten a bit off from our daily romp routine. Needless to say, he was, in fact, able to fit me in to his schedule today…so to speak…twice.

I digress and I do apologize, but it really astounds me that even something like that (honestly, we’re normally like rabbits!!) would take some sort of digital reminder.

It used to be that I could just call someone to see what they were up to and make plans to go hither or yon with them. Now it doesn’t happen that way. You can’t just call anyone anymore because nine times out of ten they never answer their phones. I find that I can only get responses from most people – family OR friends – by texting them. Seriously, I’ll answer my phone regardless of who it is, but even I am noticing that I tend to text more. Seth and I only actually speak to one another when we’re around each other…otherwise, if we’re separated, we text. Not that the romance is gone or anything like that, I guess we’re just jumping on the same bandwagon that everyone else has and we never even noticed when that occurred.

Anyway, I plan to cuddle with him this evening. I wonder if I should sharpen my stylus… 😀

Posted in Family, Friends, Just For Fun, Our Writings, Technical Issues, Techno-Babble, Today's Rant | Tagged: , , , , | Leave a Comment »

Desperate For A Daughter

Posted by Seth on August 18, 2008

I don’t really understand the whole fascination with celebrities and their children. It’s enough to have to hear about their GAWD AWFUL names, but the American public has to know when one of them has green shit. There’s Gwyneth Paltrow with Apple…stupid, Julia Robers with Hazel, ok cool, and Phinneus, wtf? There’s Mic Jagger with Assisi, pronounced A-Sissy, poor bitch, Will Smith and Jada Pinkett Smith with Willow & Jaden, cool…but sounds a LITTLE too close to their parents names. There’s Bob Geldof with FiFi Trixibell……………..?

Yeah…ok…

Anyway, then there is Celine Dion with her son Rene-Charles. It’s normal, subtle, a little girlish, and maybe a little snooty. Ok cool whatever. She wipes her ass with $10,000 dollar bills. She can get away with it. Definatly one of the more normal names of celebrity kids.

But ya know what…*siiiiigh*…I really like her. She really does have great music and I love her voice. She has worked hard for what shes got. You have to admit, yeah she’s a little annoying, but she’s good.

Unfortunatly, she makes it way too easy to make fun of her. If it’s one thing I love more than her music, is people who make fun of her. It really is fun. First, she got too big for her britches. She was “De best singer in da world!”. Then, the Titanic fiasco. My Heart Will Go On…and on…and on…and on! Then, she wanted a kid. She got pregnant and then she was “De best mother in de world!” That was 6 or 7 years ago.

Now, her son Rene-Charles, is growing up to be a beautiful little girl! Have you seen this kid? Yeah, I know I’m late on this one, but I mean come on! Someone obviously wanted a daughter! It’s bad enough she married her grandfather!

Following are some special family shots of Celine, her grandfather, and their incestual bastard child, Rene-Charles.

Shopping for baby's first bra!

Shopping for baby

She and her beautiful daughter!

She and her beautiful daughter!

HEY PAT!

HEY PAT!

That’s all I have to say about that!

Posted in Common Sense, Just For Fun, Today's Rant, Uncategorized | Tagged: , , , , | Leave a Comment »

The Sticky Truth About Romance

Posted by Daniel on August 7, 2008

Nurse Ratchet at your service...

Nurse Ratchet at your service...

I’ve been around for a long time. I’ve been through the mill of love, ground up and repeatedly left in a pile of dust.

Nothing new, I know. We’ve all ridden the rollercoaster of romance. The slow steady climbs, the bone-chilling descents that make you pray your wallet didn’t “fall out”, never to be seen again.

Through it all, though, I’ve always considered myself to be above-average in the romance department. Perhaps it’s my Italian blood…or possibly it’s because I spent so many years in what people refer to as “the South” and assimilated into that whole Southern charm thing.

Who knows?

I just love to dote on the one I love. I give him the benefit of the doubt, always. I make him know that not only do I love him, but that I adore, worship and support him come hell or high water.

I used to surprise my sweetie (or what would be known as my future Ex’s) with his favorite flowers, or a nice dinner or some other treat that I knew that particular person would just go absolutely ape shit over. It always seemed so easy to find just the right thing to make “Mr. Right(now)” squeal with glee.

Of late, however, I find myself with a man who, for lack of a better term, is so different than anyone I’ve ever encountered. This man is about as hard to figure out and yet so easy to please that I sometimes want to scream. In a good way.

See, he’s not someone who can or will tell you where to go or what to get.

If I ask him if he’s hungry (which he always is), I’ll ask him what he’s hungry for. He never has an answer. Where do he want to go? No suggestions. What would he like to do? Again, no suggestions. But it’s not like he has no imagination or ideas, it’s just that he really doesn’t care.

Here’s a quote from him that says it all:

People say I’m indecisive. To a certain degree I am. I mainly don’t make decisions, like going out, what to eat, or where to go, because I just simply don’t care what I do. As long as I’m in good company, I have a great time. If I have a disagreement, I’m going to speak up. When it comes to food, I’ll eat just about anything. The other main reason I don’t make decisions is because I want everyone around me to be comfortable. If everyone around me is doing what they want and are happy, then I’m happy. I have no problem whatsoever giving up something I want to do so someone else can do something they want. It’s just the way I am.

Yeah, that’s him in a nutshell.

But don’t get the wrong idea. This man is the sweetest, funniest, kindest and most sincere person I’ve ever met (and been involved with). He takes care of me and dotes on me like nobody’s business. He says “I love you” every time he looks at me. He takes my hand when we’re driving and when he looks at me, he really does make me melt.

Yeah, Bitches, I finally landed “the one”…but don’t be hatin’. Haaaay!!

Now, you might think all of this sounds like just a typical gay honeymoon…”Hey girls, we’re inviting you to our 3rd week anniversary party!! We’re SO in love and we wanna have babies!!”

Not even close.

This ain’t no school girl crush that is doomed to failure because he puts gum in my hair or screws around…this one doesn’t even think about cheating.

Yeah, I’m that good. 😀

It’s always easier to tell just how solid you two are by the romance. Not the typical Harlequin Romance shit, no, I mean the little things you find yourself doing for one another without even giving it any thought. The spontaneity that is unrehearsed.

And, as I’ve recently discovered, the weird things you will end up doing, even in moments of crisis…

A couple of weeks ago, Man Of My Dreams and I went to a birthday party with some friends. We didn’t know the birthday boy, but were invited anyway…you know, because we’re so fucking cool and everyone wants to know us.

Since I’m not a big drinker (I get hammered on a fucking daiquiri for crissakes!!), I volunteered to be the D.D. No biggie. The job suits me and this way I can turn around in the car and smack the stupid drunks when they get rowdy.

Sweetie did something he doesn’t normally do that night…he neglected to eat before he drank. Nothing good comes of that. And nothing good did. He had a great time with everyone, the beer helped because he didn’t know a soul there and was being accosted by someone with a foot fetish and a lesbian comedienne (a deadly combination, I assure you) who seemed a bit confused (due to the liquor) as to whether she wanted an “outie” or an “innie” at that moment.

Next thing I knew, Light Of My Life had whipped off his board shorts (after having ripped out the netting…because he said it felt “freeing”…how Gloria Steinem can you get??) and was the talk of a very over-packed hot tub.

I’ll admit, this raised an eyebrow and I did feel a tinge of over-protective jealousy (something I’ve NEVER felt before), but I know full well that I can trust him. So I let him party on.

For a little bit.

Pretty soon, however, I realized just how late it was. Time to go.

While it did take several attempts to get the Wind Beneath My Wings to get his hot ass out of the hot tub and cover his junk, he did so with not even so much as a whimper. We said our goodbyes, thanked our hosts, I drove the bitches all home, then Mr. Dreamy and I scooted home.

Upon our arrival at the house, Mr. Right scuttles off the the bathroom because he feels that he might get ill…or as I call it, “Talking to God on the porcelain telephone”…mostly because when people hurl, they always go, “Oh God!! Oooohhh God!!!” Eew.

“Phone call” finished, teeth brushed and air freshener blasted, Hot Stuff comes to bed, kisses me g’night and off we drift to sleepy land.

Here’s where the true romance kicks in…

About an hour later, I feel and hear a rustling from the other side of the bed. I just know what’s happening…or is about to…

Baby Cakes is about to “lose it” and he’s still asleep. Apparently God was “texting” him.

Note: This has NEVER happened to him before and he was, no surprise here, completely shocked and sorry for DAYS afterwards. And as a side note, this was also a first for me.

So I jump out of bed, rush around to his side and try to make sure he’s at least on his side…(trust me, by this time I knew he wasn’t going to make it back to the “phone” in time). Me being SUCH a good fucking husband, I wanted to make sure he was alright.

Then it hit…literally…me.

Have you ever seen that movie “The Witches of Eastwick”? The scene where Felicia was puking up cherry pits from hell all over her living room? Remember the lamp?

I was the lamp.

Dripping…covered…and, at the moment, not feeling too bright.

Back off Bitches…he’s aaallllll mine!!!! 😉

But my love for this man apparently know no limits, because even at that very wet moment, I could think of nothing but making sure he was alright. At a moment like that, with the right person, you come to realize that love can and does conquer all. No matter what the sticky slimy adversity.

Now, while I’m sure many of you are not only grossed out by this whole experience, not to mention wondering if I’ve completely lost my mind. But you know something, I’ve learned something about myself because of this…other than investing in a rain slicker…

Tending to your spouse even in the “gross” times might not sound romantic to you, but let me tell you something, the truest test of your commitment to another person (not to mention just how you define unconditional devotion) is looking past the stickiest of the icky and just being there. This man has been there for me (completely dry, thank you) without regret, and I owe him nothing less.

So what did I learn from this wet-yet-romantic adventure into Vomitland? Apart from knowing that my love for this man knows no bounds, I now realize that (after cleaning him, myself and the scene up completely) he doesn’t have to give me flowers to show his romantic side.

Don’t get me wrong, I don’t want an encore performance!!! But if you can love a person in spite of something like this happening, then you have something real and lasting.

For my birthday (Sept. 4, for your info), I’m going to ask him for a drop cloth…and a new shirt!!!

I can hardly wait to see what he “cooks up” for me for Valentines Day!!!

Posted in Just For Fun, Our Writings | Tagged: , , , , | Leave a Comment »

I Vote For Paris

Posted by Daniel on August 6, 2008

My personal opinion rating of Paris Hilton just went up through the roof.

Recently, John McCain and his team ran an ad proclaiming that Obama was a “bigger celebrity” than Paris Hilton or Britney Spears.

John McCain’s campaign got a lot of attention last week for its ad that likens Barack Obama to Britney Spears and Paris Hilton. The ad calls Obama “the biggest celebrity in the world,” but asks, “Is he ready to lead.”

Paris has put out her response, and I must say, I approve.

See more Paris Hilton videos at Funny or Die

Posted in Campaign 2008, Common Sense, Just For Fun, Media Matters, News, Politics, Uncategorized | Tagged: , , , | Leave a Comment »

Hi…Can I Fuck Up Your Order?

Posted by Daniel on August 4, 2008

So it’s come to this.

Earlier this morning, I was on the cell phone talking to my girlfriend, Deschner, about our similar situations trying to find work. He lives in the Kansas City Metro area (on the Kansas side). It was one of those weird conversations because he and I usually laugh our asses off at everything all the time. This time, however, it had a more somber mood. We wished one another best of luck in each others endeavors and talked about all the rejections we’ve gotten during the long application process.

Right after that phone call, Seth and I were, once again, sequestered in the bedroom on the PC and laptop searching for more job prospects and discussing the rather slim (to none) alternatives. Should we just give it until the end of this week, then if no jobs materialize, just pack it in, beg for the money for gas then move our asses back to Kansas City?

None of the options left a very good taste in our mouths.

Then…

Like a beacon of light from the heavens (or was it bird poop)…like wafting through a field of four leaf clovers (and tripping on a leprechaun turd)…like the beauty of a solar eclipse (seen through binoculars)…and like a visit from the good fairy (who uses a sledge hammer as her wand)…

…it comes.

The call I’ve been waiting (?) for.

Yes, bitches, I landed the primo job of a lifetime. One that would make that bitch, Amorosa, moister than a Duncan Hines cake over. One that shows me that the fates have finally, after all this time and stress, smiled upon me.

That’s right…We’re shittin’ in tall cotton now. I promised Seth I’d have him fartin’ through silk before his birthday (August 6), and I don’t disappoint. Of course, I’ll be granting that wish from under a fucking hair net!!!

They called me to see if I still wanted the job.

Hmmm…lemme see…

Eh…It’s a livin’.

  • Got no job.
  • Got no job prospects
  • Got no gas to LOOK for jobs.
  • Got no money to PAY for gas to LOOK for jobs.
  • Got no hope.
  • Got no pot to piss in nor a window to throw it out of.
  • Got no choice.

“Sure I can be there Wednesday at 4 for orientation!! Okay then, bye! Oh, and thank you so very much, ma’am.”

Goin’ To The Chapel And I’m Gonna Get Sweepin…Oh how the mighty have fallen….or has he?

See, the way I see it, I could be crushed that I have had to ‘lower’ myself down from being an accountant to doing whatever at a fast food joint. I suppose this could make some people (Deschner!!!) laugh their asses off and be grist for the rumor mill for YEARS. But I have to approach this from a different angle.

There are people out there who have fallen from higher places and are still waiting for someplace to land (Deschner!!). Who am I to sour my puss at what happens to be, at the very least, an opportunity for us to stay in California and work our way up to having a life together? I can be a lot of things, but ungrateful isn’t one of them.

Now, that’s not to say that I don’t have an assload of one-liners building up, just bursting at the seams as it were. After all, even though I have to keep the stiff upper lip (while I’m working with a bunch of hair-lipped punks), there must be laughs, even at my own expense.

It’s going to be hard…no, not the work. Not even the kind of work or where it is or even the type of business it is. No, the hard part is keeping my big mouth shut.

If you haven’t guessed by now, I tend to say just anything and everything that comes into my head…whether it’s appropriate or not. And with this job, so much shit came to mind when Deschner and I were talking for the second time today.

(I called him to brag that I had, in fact, landed a job before he did. Yeah, I was braggin’!!) (kill me…kill me now.)

I unleashed a string of job-related zingers that had Deschner pissing his pants. And if you’ve ever met Deschner, you’d know that the more he laughs, the redder and raspier he gets. This afternoon, judging from his end of the phone, he must have looked like a beefsteak tomato…okay, with a cigarette sticking out of it.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not trying to look a gift horse in the mouth here (and I’m not talking about what they make the Jumbo Jack with)…I appreciate the opportunity to, once again, become a contributing member of the taxpayers that Bush and his asshole friends have come to depend on. Even if it is at minimum wage.

What blows my mind is that right after I talked to Deschner (see Scott, I talk about you more than you think), there were several more calls that came in asking me to come in for interviews. You’re right, Scott, when it rains it pours. Trouble is, the other “interviews” look to be for bull shit “jobs” that require you to sell insurance after you’ve paid for their seminars. So in my case, when it rains, it pours baseball-sized hail.

So, again, here we are. Where just hours ago, we were planning some kind of move (tail tucked neatly between our legs) back to Kansas City, by hook or by crook…Now we are looking at this job (such that it is) as a means of starting a life. Sure, it’s going to be hard, and it’s going to take a bit of time to save up enough to move into a place of our own. But it’s a start, and after all the stress and strife Seth and I have been through for the past 9+ weeks trying to get a foot in the door here, in some small way, we’ve accomplished just that.

Let’s just hope that my smart mouth doesn’t cause that door to slam on our feet. 🙂

Anyway, here’s to Jack and all he’s going to provide us (what, a lifetime supply of curly fries??). For as long as I’m “married” to this job, and thereby him, I’ll do my best to keep a clean house and serve only the Sourdough Jacks that fell on the floor once…okay, maybe twice. Jack does love his profit.

I wonder what our kids will look like…

The bastard son of Jack & Dan.

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