The Tempest Online™

~ Sic gorgiamus allos subjectatos nunc. ~

The Agony Of Defeatism

Posted by Daniel on August 3, 2008

My sister said something to me earlier this week that really drives this shit home with me. We were discussing the job market and mine and Seth’s current lack OF jobs. My sister told me to “…not get all panicked or lose your head over this…” because, as she put it, it will all work out in the end.

You know, I think that with everything that has happened since we’ve been here in California, it would be very easy to fold up in the fetal position and cry.

It’s been that mind-numbingly depressing and stressful.

But recent events in the news have given me a little jolt of reality and a great big dose of perspective.

Sure, we are still jobless, now counting on a call back from the manager of a Jack In The Box, whom my sister is best friends with. No other tangible prospects out there to count on…well, maybe one or two long shots. Money has depleted down to the last $20…and gas ain’t cheap here. SO here we sit, patiently waiting for a call from a fast-food franchise to give us our last glimmer of hope.

I hold a mirror up to myself and ask the person staring back at me, “Why me?”

It’s what the guy in the mirror says back to me that really brings things home.

He reminds me of the young man who, just this past week, was coming home from work early in the morning. He rode the bus and it being a long commute for him, he fell asleep with his head against the window. Less than an hour later, his head was in the hands of a psychotic person. Literally. Twenty two years old, his bus stop and, by extension, his entire life just ahead, and he was murdered, decapitated and partially eaten while he slept on a Greyhound bus.

I’m shedding tears over having no job and soon, no vehicle, while a family is grieving the loss of an entire life. What does that say about the way I look at life??? Am I so shallow and self-absorbed that I hold myself and my trivial little problems over that of what that young man went through and what his family now faces?

Frankly, the news is stuffed to the gills with stories of those suffering far more than I ever could. As a matter of fact, this is but one of three stories carried on the news wire regarding people – in Canada (mentioned above) Argentina and, just today, a woman on the Greek island of Santorini – that have been decapitated…WTF is this world coming to?!?!

Millions of people are getting screwed right and left in this country because of the reckless spending and pillaging committed by the current administration. People losing not only their jobs, but their homes and, in some cases, families as well. Bombings of women street cleaners in India (as well as a stampede at a shrine which killed 147). Human rights violations everywhere (including here in the US). The Anglican Church focusing all of it’s prayers on the souls that will burn if they allow gay clergy, rather than on those of the three headless victims and their families.

And I’m sitting here bitching about my woes?

Sure, I have been a wee bit pissed off lately at both Arnold and Maria for failing to mention that it would be next to impossible to find work in their fine states (I saw the commercials a gazillion times in Missouri just before we moved here). Who wouldn’t be?

I don’t know what this world is coming to. It’s all gotten a little scary.

Then I got an email from a longtime friend asking me if I was going to vote for Obama, and I quote, “…now that your gal, Hillary finally gave up…”

I dunno…Is Obama going to keep people from getting their heads cut off in their sleep? Can he, in any way, keep this country from falling into what, at this point, looks like an impending recession? Would he have some magic wand that could go *poof* and make a job materialize, thereby allowing people to keep their homes, cars and families? Here’s one…can Obama somehow bring all those criminals of and since 9/11 to justice…which includes Bin Laden as well as all those in Washington who still think they’re immune from even answering questions about their treasonous acts?

See, I’m of a mind (at least lately) that I am but one unwitting passenger on this doomed runaway train that the republicans have set to derail. I suppose it’s up to the proper authorities to bring all those killers and traitors to justice. And if that happens to be Obama (Shelly) so be it.

At the risk of sounding petty and greedy, I can only try to get my own shit in order. I used to love being out there in the fray mixing it up with the civic duty volunteer stuff. But the bottom line is that I need to have a job and thereby a place to live first…with those I can make the time to come to the aid of my fellow man.

But maybe I’m wrong about everything. Maybe the world is rolling along just fine and I’m but one of those annoying playing cards on the spokes of life. Could it be that I’m trying to hard to be worldly conscientious? Should I just focus more inwardly, say “Where’s my piece of the pie and fuck everybody else!!”?

I’d hate to think I could even mentally come to that point. While I do want even just the basic necessities for both Seth and I, I also know that the world at-large has much more pressing needs.

Will I be upset even if I don’t get this crappy little job at Jack In The Box (thereby staving off homelessness, losing my vehicle, etc.), sure. But what are the needs of either Seth or I in the grander scheme of things going on around us?

We may not have a pot to piss in, or a window to throw it out of, but (so I’m reminded by the man in the mirror) at least I can roll over in bed, open my eyes, and see the man I love looking back at me.

My sister did say something to me earlier this week…and she was right.


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