The Tempest Online™

~ Sic gorgiamus allos subjectatos nunc. ~

Archive for December, 2008

Happy Anti-Resolution Anniversary

Posted by Daniel on December 31, 2008

Well, it’s that time of year again. Time to make – and break – those little promises we make to ourselves and others.

So, without further ado…here’s mine…

I will start drinking less beer.

I will start drinking less beer.

I will stop buying useless crap.

I will stop buying useless crap.

I will TRY to drive less aggressively.

I will TRY to drive less aggressively.

I will treat my employees better.

I will treat my employees better.

I will be nicer to my dog.

I will be nicer to my dog.

I will stop interfering in games.

I will stop interfering in games.

I will buy that Vespa once and for all.

I will buy that Vespa once and for all.

I will stop procrastinating...I guess.

I will stop procrastinating...I guess.

I will stop passing out gay recruitment materials to minors.

I will stop passing out gay recruitment materials to minors.

I will stop listening to the voices in my head.

I will stop listening to the voices in my head.

From All Of Us At The Tempest Online

From All Of Us At The Tempest Online

I am wiped out!!

I am wiped out!!


Posted in Bad Advice Meant Well, Holiday Fun, Just For Fun, Life, Our Writings | Tagged: , , , , | 3 Comments »

The New & Improved RNC – Divisive As Ever

Posted by Daniel on December 30, 2008

The RNC...just a match away from a burning cross.

The RNC...just a match away from a burning cross.

In an effort to regroup and recostruct themselves as the “non-divisive party”, the RNC has, apparently, missed the target by a long mile.

A candidate for the Republican National Committee chairmanship said Friday the CD he sent committee members for Christmas — which included a song titled “Barack the Magic Negro” — was clearly intended as a joke.

“I think most people recognize political satire when they see it,” Tennessee Republican Chip Saltsman said. “I think RNC members understand that.”

The song, set to the tune of “Puff the Magic Dragon,” was first played on conservative political commentator Rush Limbaugh’s radio show in 2007.

Its title was drawn from a Los Angeles Times column that suggested President-elect Barack Obama appealed to those who feel guilty about the nation’s history of mistreatment of African-Americans. Saltsman said the song, penned by his longtime friend Paul Shanklin, should be easily recognized as satire directed at the Times.

The CD sent to RNC members, first reported by The Hill on Friday, is titled “We Hate the USA” and also includes songs referencing former presidential candidate John Edwards and the Rev. Jeremiah Wright, among other targets.

According to The Hill, other song titles, some of which were in bold font, were: “John Edwards’ Poverty Tour,” “Wright place, wrong pastor,” “Love Client #9,” “Ivory and Ebony” and “The Star Spanglish Banner.”

Saltsman was national campaign manager for former Arkansas Gov. Mike Huckabee’s presidential bid in 2007 and 2008. Before that, he held a variety of posts, including a number of positions under former Sen. Bill Frist of Tennessee.

Posted in Common Sense, Media Matters, News, Politics | Leave a Comment »

Swapping Parts

Posted by Daniel on December 29, 2008


1. Immediately go shopping for zucchini and cucumbers.

2. Squat over a hand mirror for an hour and a half.

3. See if finally do the splits.

4. See if it’s truly possible to launch a Ping-Pong ball 20 feet.

5. Cross their legs without rearranging their crotch.

6. Get picked up in a bar in less than 10 minutes…

7. Have consecutive multiple orgasms and still be ready for more without sleeping first.

8. Go to the gynecologist for a pelvic exam and ask to have it recorded on video.

9. Sit on the edge of the bed and pray for breasts, too.

10. Finally find that damned G-spot.


1. Get ahead faster in corporate business*.

2. Get a blog job.

3. Find out what is so fascinating about beating the meat.

4. Pee standing up while talking to other man at the urinal.

5. Determine why you can’t hit the bowl consistently.

6. Find out what it’s like to be on the other end of surging orgasm.

7. Touch/shift yourself in public without thought as to how improper it may be to others.

8. Jump up down naked with and erection to see if it feels as funny as it looks like.

9. Understand the reason for the light refraction that occurs between a man’s eyes and the ruler situated next to his member.

10. Repeat number 2.

Posted in Just For Fun, Life | 2 Comments »

Annoyance Ordinance Ignorance

Posted by Daniel on December 26, 2008


I knew it.  you can stop telling me that my paranoia is unfounded.  No longer can you call me Mr. Conspiracy.

I’ve been telling people that after eight years of the conservative right getting a free pass to instill even the most silly and mundane morals on top of everyone, it would only be a matter of time before they went for the jugular.

Today proves me right.

Since when did being annoying become a crime?

Brighton (Michigan) City Council approved a public conduct code Monday night, which includes fining someone up to $500 for being annoying.

One section of the bill reads, “It shall be unlawful for a person to engage in a course of conduct or repeatedly commit acts that alarm or seriously annoy another person and that serve no legitimate purpose.”

The bill also states it’s unlawful for anyone to insult, accost, molest or otherwise annoy any person in public.  This can include verbally expressing an opinion.

The ordinance was modeled after one in Royal Oak, where the Brighton police chief previously worked.

The Livingston Daily Press & Argus reported that two council members expressed concerns for the language of the ordinance, but voted for it anyway.

Brighton officials said the ordinance would be subjective and the call will be made by police officers.

The amended ordinance takes effect Jan. 17, 2009.

This annoys me.  Can I sue someone?

Why do I care so much about this?  Well, other than the fact that it is yet another frivolous law on the books, it makes people like me cringe.  Yes, Virginia…I, too, am one of those annoying people.

And I take a huge amount of pride in that.  I’ve been on this planet for 45 years and I’ve sharpened my talents on many unsuspecting people.

Annoying people, after all, is one of my favorite past times.


Posted in Common Sense, Life, News, Today's Rant | Leave a Comment »

Happy Holidays

Posted by Daniel on December 25, 2008


Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a Comment »

Dear Santa…

Posted by Daniel on December 24, 2008


christmas santa and the gay elves Pictures, Images and Photos

Posted in GLBT, Holiday Fun, Just For Fun | Tagged: , , | Leave a Comment »

Could It Really Be That Easy?

Posted by Daniel on December 23, 2008

It’s been a while since my last rant on the issue, but it’s in my head…so brace yourselves.

If I hear one more preacher, teacher, puntiff or person in the medical field pontificate on the issue of “choosing” to be gay, I am going to open a vein and flood this planet with glitter and confetti.  I swear I will.

My Religion Trumps Everything

My Religion Trumps Everything

Why is it that we just can’t seem to agree to disagree about this?  No matter how it’s argued, you just can’t seem to change my mind any more than I can change yours.  So where does that leave us?  As supposedly learned adults, one would think we could declare détente and try to coexist peacefully in spite of such a difference.

No.  That just isn’t good enough for some people.  Forget about the whole marriage issue, let’s just talk here about who people really are at their core.  I am no more capable of being heterosexual than you are of being gay.  Sorry to put that so simplistically (for those who write me with such accusations), but it really is just that…well, simple.

It doesn’t matter how many times I tell you that I didn’t choose to be gay.  No, that’s just not good enough for you.  You have to continue ramming down my throat that I could “be normal” if I really wanted to.

What the fuck is “normal” anyway?  And who are you to tell me your kind of normal is the norm?  What, you base that on percentages and the bible?

I have nothing but respect for those of you who ascribe to the preachings of that book, even though I think you pick and choose too much from it, which I think is your only empowerment to judge others.  because if you all truly followed that book WORD-FOR-WORD, you’d be far more hell-bound than I.

But I’m actually not here to pick a fight with the good religious folks out there.  What I’m here to rant about today is those who think people who are genuinely different can just flip a switch and *poof*, insta-hetro.


There ain’t no On/Off switch.  And stop fooling yourselves into thinking there is.  And for those poor schmucks out there who are members of clubs and organizations that claim to have been “cured” of their “gayness”, I have this to say…

Good luck with therapy, assholes.

I’ve read the books and articles written by so-called “ex-gays”.  More than half of them turned out to be written by people who were never gay, but to help promote gay-hate and the stereotype that gays can be “cured”, hose to make money by ACTING as if they were once gay and then saw the light.

This effort only serves to bolster the gay-hating fanatics arguement.

And for thse who truly are.were gay but then wanted to change, I have yet to read of any long-term success story.  Oh sure, you think you’re cured now, but why would you marry one of the lesbians from your group?  If you were so sure you were cured, why not try actually breeding with a straight woman?  Tell the truth, if you marry a lesbian (and absolutely NO offence meant towards the lesbian community), you get to play it safe because neither of you has to have sex.  Convenient.


No, Virginia, there IS no Off switch in life.  We are as we were made.  In the image of whomever or whatever.  You are straight.  I am not.  You are religious.  I am not.  That isn’t about to change, not now, not never.

And the more you keep trying to “convert” those who are gay into cookie-cutter images of yourselves, the more disappointed you’re going to be.

And really I’d like to know just what it is you think it is about you that I should emulate.  What, your capacity to love (only the “right” people)?  Your ability to love your neighbors (so long as they share your skin color, religion, social standing, etc.)?  Your tolerance?  Your education?  Your belief that science is devil-worshipng and nature is dirty living porn?

Am I supposed to be like you so that I will love war?  What’s the point in loving war if being gay keeps me out of the military?

In this festive holiday season, just leave me be.  Stop emailing hateful messages that tell me to convert.

Even though that isn’t possible, even if it were, I just don’t like the menu options of things I should convert to.

Posted in Common Sense, GLBT, Life, Op-Ed, Our Writings, Religion, Today's Rant | Tagged: | 2 Comments »

Let’s Ban Divorce While We’re At It

Posted by Daniel on December 22, 2008


Sponsors of the California ballot measure that banned same-sex marriage are seeking to nullify thousands of marriages between gay and lesbian couples performed after the state Supreme Court ruled them constitutional.

The sponsors Friday filed responses to three anti-Proposition 8 lawsuits with the state Supreme Court. The briefs also defend Proposition 8 against opponents’ legal challenges, including an argument that the amendment needed a constitutional convention to be added to the state’s constitution.

“We are confident that the will of the voters and Proposition 8 will ultimately be upheld,” said Andrew Pugno, General Counsel for and the Proposition 8 Legal Defense Fund.

California Attorney General Edmund “Jerry” Brown called on the court to reject the initiative.

“Proposition 8 must be invalidated because the amendment process cannot be used to extinguish fundamental constitutional rights without compelling justification,” Brown said in a written statement.

Rick Jacobs, founder and chair of the anti-Proposition 8 Courage Campaign, said he was “appalled” that the initiative’s supporters wanted to nullify the same-sex marriages that are already on the books.

“The motivation behind this mean-spirited and heart-breaking action should not be allowed to be buried in legal brief,” he said. “If Proposition 8’s sponsors plan to destroy lives, they should at least have the courage to admit it publicly.”

Opponents filed suit quickly after the November 4 election in which Proposition 8 passed 52 percent to 48 percent, effectively reversing a California Supreme Court decision that it was unconstitutional to deny marriage licenses to same-sex couples.

The vote also prompted a series of protests, some aimed at supporters of the proposition.

The proposition, which added an amendment to the state constitution, defined marriage as between one man and one woman.

Opponents argue that the amendment cannot be applied retroactively, but proponents say the amendment is clear on that issue.

“Proposition 8’s brevity is matched by its clarity,” one of the briefs read. “There are no conditional clauses, exceptions, exemptions, or exclusions: ‘Only marriage between a man and a woman is valid or recognized in California.’

” … Its plain language encompasses both pre-existing and later-created same-sex (and polygamous) marriages, whether performed in California or elsewhere. With crystal clarity, it declares that they are not valid or recognized in California.”

Opponents are also seeking to have the amendment nullified, arguing that it alters the state’s constitution — meaning the state Supreme Court’s May ruling — and therefore, according to state law, is a revision that requires a constitutional convention. Proponents of the amendment disagree.

“Petitioners’ challenge depends on characterizing Proposition 8 as a radical departure from the fundamental principles of the California Constitution,” their briefs said. ” … But that portrayal is wildly wrong. Proposition 8 is limited in nature and effect. It does nothing more than restore the definition of marriage to what it was and always had been under California law before June 16, 2008 — and to what the people had repeatedly willed that it be throughout California’s history.”

California voters passed a ballot initiative in 2000 that changed the state’s Family Code to formally define marriage in the state between a man and a woman. After San Francisco Mayor Gavin Newsom performed same-sex marriages in 2004, which were promptly annulled, Newsom and others sought to have the ballot initiative struck down.

The California Supreme Court did so in May, and same-sex marriages were performed legally in California a month later.

The court’s ruling said the right to marry is among a set of basic human rights “so integral to an individual’s liberty and personal autonomy that they may not be eliminated or abrogated by the legislature or by the electorate through the statutory initiative process.”

But opponents had already been at work on Proposition 8, seeking to enshrine the marriage definition in the constitution, and the initiative was approved for the November 4 vote.

Proposition 8 supporters also announced the addition of Kenneth Starr to their legal team. Starr will serve as lead counsel and argue their case to the Supreme Court.

Starr, the dean of Pepperdine Law School, investigated the suicide of Clinton deputy White House counsel Vince Foster and the Whitewater affair. The $70 million investigation turned up evidence of President Clinton’s affair with Monica Lewinsky and led to Clinton’s impeachment by the House of Representatives. He was acquitted by the Senate.

Posted in Common Sense, GLBT, Life, Media Matters, Politics, Religion, Today's Rant | Tagged: , , , , , | 1 Comment »

Wal-Mart Gets A Piece Of Coal

Posted by Daniel on December 19, 2008

Satanic Walmart Santa

Yesterday I received the following letter from the local Wal-Mart:

Dear Mr. Anderson,

During this holiday shopping time, you have been causing quite a
commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been
forced to ban you from the store. Our complaints against you are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras.

1. December 04: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people’s carts when they weren’t looking.

2 . December 05: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

3. December 06: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women’s restroom.

4. December 07: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, ‘Code 3 in Housewares.  Get on it right away.’

5. December 08: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&M’s on layaway.

6. December 09: Moved a ‘CAUTION – WET FLOOR’  sign to a carpeted area.

7. December 10: Set up a tent in the camping department and told other
shoppers he’d invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department.

8. December 11: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, ‘Why can’t you people just leave me alone?’

9. December 12: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a
mirror while he picked his nose.

10. December 13: While handling guns in the hunting department, he
asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.

11. December 14: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the ‘Mission Impossible’ theme.

12. December 15: In the auto department, he practiced his ‘Madonna look’ by using different sizes of funnels.

13. December 16: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled ‘PICK ME! PICK ME!’

14. December 17: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he
assumed a fetal position and screamed  ‘OH NO! IT’S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!’

15. December 18: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile,
then yelled very loudly, ‘Hey! There’s no toilet paper in here!’

Fine…I’ll just take my shopping to Target.  I’ve seen their shoppers and I think my ‘isms’ and I will fit in there quite nicely.

Posted in Holiday Fun, Just For Fun, Life, Our Writings | Tagged: , , , , | 2 Comments »

How Festive Can You Get???

Posted by Daniel on December 18, 2008

I just HAVE to thank Scott for turning us on to these ornaments!!!  When you sent us the Cop and the Fireman, we loved them so much we are looking forward to adding to the ornament collection.

This site is a fantastic find.

Below are the ornaments Scott sent us…(and yes, they are to scale)


Officer Pike

Posted in Friends, Holiday Fun, Life, Our Writings | Tagged: , , , | 1 Comment »