The Tempest Online™

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My Night With George

Posted by Daniel on February 16, 2009

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There are plenty of reasons why I’ve been avoiding writing here lately, but none of them even come close to being a good excuse.  I’ve just been plain lazy.

As a sidenote, I’ve noticed how many of the folks I met years ago in the blooger world no longer seem to post or have deleted their blogs altogether.  Most of them just got tired of it or found they no longer had time for writing.  I think that’s a shame, and I miss them.

I suppose it’s been because both work and setting up a new life here in California have kept me pretty preoccupied.  I’m still trying to find a way to live, work and post…without losing my mind.

Bear with me on all of that.

Anyway, I wanted to share the story of this past weekend with you all.  It won’t sound all that exciting, but I just want to jot it down for the sake of posterity.

Last Friday, our friends Cole and Shane invited us to dinner and a movie.  We had reservations at 7:00 and the movie (Underworld – The Beginning) started at 8:45.  First of all, the restaurant was packed and when we finally got to our table, the service was slow.  The food, when we finally got it at 8:00, was good.  And at those prices, they were lucky for that.  ‘Cause these days splurging for what turns out to be crap can make want to cut someone.  😉

We got to the movie and found the last four seats in that packed theater just in time for the opening credits.

I hate being rushed like that…and I especially hate missing the previews.  I’m funny that way.

Also, the movie itself was SO not worth the hype.  And I say this as an ardent fan of the Underworld franchise.

Saturday was a bit more rewarding.  While at work arguing with my boss about how ridiculous it was for me to even be in the office ON Saturdays (which is an ongoing issue between us), I got a text from Cole and Shane asking if Seth and I wanted to join them on a trip up north to Sacramento for an overnight stay, which was to include bar hopping.  Now, even though I don’t really drink (seriously, 2 beers and I switch to drinking Coke or bottled water), this sounded like a lot of fun.  It had been a long time since I’d been up to SAC.

I still wasn’t sure though if we were going to go, so I told Seth to decide and I’d go along either way.

Naturally he decided that we were going to go, mostly because he said we both needed and deserved the break.  Who am I to argue with such sage logic?

So we pack up an overnight bag with the essential multi-wardrobe changes; make sure Kitty is well stocked with his favorite filtered water, food, toys, TV and treats and kissed him goodbye, then dr0ve North to Madera to carpool with the guys up to SAC.

We get there about 3 hours later and arrive at the hotel.  First I got Seth and I a room (for $150), then realized we would actually be staying in C&S’s suite.  Good thing, too.  I was shocked and pissed at being charged that much for a room at the Marriott that had NO frills, two plain beds and an empty courtesy bar.  And I won’t even mention what we WOULD have seen had we used the blacklight!!!

Just as we were all getting ready to go out to meet our other friends who were already in town, Shane and I discovered neither of us had brought any gum.  Very odd occurrence, as I usually have a pack of “5” holstered to my hip no matter where I go.

I go downstairs to see if the little store in the lobby had any gum.  Nope, Nada, Zip.  The counter person told me they don’t sell gum because it always ends up in the beds or on the floors.  (shit…if THAT’S what they were worried about having in the beds and on the floors…?!?!?!?!?!)  They DID, however, sell bubble gum…as in a 5-pack of gumballs.  I suppose they don’t think any damage can be done from this inedible shit.

When I buy this crap and bring it upstairs to Shane, he says, “Fuck it…gum is gum.”

Big mistake.

He begins chewing a piece (picture the common manatee grazing on the ocean floor) and just as it’s getting soft-ish, it begins sticking to his teeth in what he shows as the grossest display of gum next to getting it stuck in your hair.  Seriously, he was picking that shit out of his horse teeth all night.

I got my money’s worth out of just the entertainment of that, I must admit.

Anyway, we went to four bars that night and they were all packed!!!  Not to mention I paid a total of $30 in cover charges, which really sucked, as I think cover charges are a rip-off.

Plus, I’ve never seen so much broken glass in bars in my life!!  Honestly, the bars were fun and nice, but there must have been a busload of real limp-wristers out that night who just couldn’t hold their glasses.  How we walked around without a single laceration between the 10 of us was beyond me.

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I remember at one bar – while Seth was being pulled out onto a dance floor by Mike and the rest of the hags – ragging with Shane on some of the, shall we say “decoratively dressed” folks out that night.  Shane is pretty cool to hang out with because he reminds me so much of my friend Ray back in KC (accept Shane looks more like Sasquatch and has far more chins).  Full of the one-liners and catty talk that I so live for.

At one point Shane was trying to point out some nice looking (I won’t use the language he used) person dancing on a podium.  What struck me was how much of an effort he (Shane) was making to puff up and look all “available” and “attractive”.  UNTIL he discovered a previously missed chunk of bubble gum wedged in the cavity now festering in one of his back molars, and then (still while trying to look pretty for the go-go dancer) proceeded to try scooping it out with his tweezer-like fingers.  It looked like pulling a wad of Silly Putty out of a Leggo.

Seth and I had a lot of fun, mostly ragging on how OVER-packed the bars were (seriously, to the point of being fire hazards!!!), how OVER-priced the drinks were (considering how weak they were), and how OVER-weight the women there were.  Sure, many were so-called “drag queens”, and that’s to be expected.  But far many more were just huge females.  One we saw (and I mean it when I say that I’m not trying to be cruel here) HAD to weigh 350-400 lbs and was poured into what appeared to be a cut-apart cocktail dress…cut up to the Wa-Hoo.  She looked like a gigantic  chocolate-covered bloody marshmallow.

We would have taken a picture of her, but well…(insert punchline here)…

Moving on…

At some point, Seth needs a spotter/guardian for a trip to the restroom.   Since I felt the same “nature’s call”, we went.  I can’t remember what bar this particular restroom was in, but I CAN tell you it was the creepiest part of the night…and that’s saying something considering some of the freaky people we saw thus far.

While we are standing in front the “facilities”, I happen to notice (through the mirror I’m standing next to) that there is someone looking over our shoulders…watching each of us tinkle.  Being tired by that time, my glasses were serving no better purpose than to make me look all squinty-eyed and tired.

So I do what I would ordinarily do in this type of pee-pee peeping tom situation…I began yelling at the pervert.  Just as I finished my business, washed and dried my hands, I turned to face our sinister stalker.

That’s when I noticed…

That’s when it hit me….

That’s when I wanted a do-over…

The person trying to get a gander of our goodies was NONE OTHER than George Michael.

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Yes, and the irony wasn’t lost on either Seth or myself.  Curious George was, again, spotted in a men’s room doing what he does best.  Trying to catch a gander of a stranger’s goodies.

Actually, it wasn’t George in the flesh (so to speak), but rather a very large picture of him hanging on the wall opposite the urinals.

This picture…

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I don’t know about you, but I found this to be a little intimidating.  I mean to realize that (even through a picture) George Michael is in the same restroom sizing you up with a look that screams “Official Pecker Checker“.

Okay, so maybe it wasn’t some huge newsworthy ordeal…being checked out by a picture.  But it just seemed funny and a little ironic to me is all.

Besides, it really put a nice cap on what turned out to be our first outing away from Fresno in a couple of months.

I told you, not very exciting…but I’ll bet George would have been thrilled had he been there in person.

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3 Responses to “My Night With George”

  1. […] My Night With George « The Tempest Online […]

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  3. […] …was i there? created an interesting post today on My Night With GeorgeHere’s a short outlineOkay, so maybe it wasn’t some huge newsworthy ordeal…being checked out by a picture.  But it just seemed Bfunny/B and a little ironic to me… […]

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