The Tempest Online™

~ Sic gorgiamus allos subjectatos nunc. ~

Is Your Man Gay?

Posted by Daniel on March 6, 2009

I have a few girlfriends here online who (still) ask me questions, trying to glean out info on whether their husband/boyfriend might be gay.

Nobody wants to think their significant other is playing for the other team, but anything is possible. Some men are in a committed relationship and living on the down low. Is there a chance your man might prefer the company of men?

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So, for those of you gals who are questioning whether or not you sweetie is “questioning”, I give you the following test to help you find out if you’re at risk for losing your man to the handsome guy next door..

1.  How often do you have sex with your man?
More than once a day
At least once a day
A few times a week
Once a week
A few times a month
Every few months
Once a year

2.  Has your man ever dressed up in women’s clothes?
I’ve caught him in my closet several times
My man has a fetish for dressing up in women’s clothes
Only for costume parties
My man wouldn’t be caught dead in women’s clothes,
regardless of the occasion

3.  If you pointed out a nice-looking guy to your man, he would…
Nonchalantly agree with you
Express sheer adulation for the hottie
Ignore you
Say he doesn’t judge what men look like
Stare far too long at said hunk

4.  Which of the following compliments is your man most likely to give you?
You smell good
You look beautiful
I’m lucky if he notices me
Those shoes really set your whole outfit off
Nice shirt
Is that shirt from Prada’s spring line?
I would look so great in your blouse

5.  How many gay friends does your man have?
None, he’s not that open-minded
A couple
Most of his friends are gay
We hang out with a lot of gay men, but they’re mainly my friends

6.  Which of the following is your man most likely to listen to?
ABBA
Barbara Streisand
The Smiths
Erasure
Jay Z
Neil Diamond
Linkin Park
Godsmack
Celine Dion
The Bee Gees
I’m laughing so hard I can’t even answer that

7.  Which best describes your man’s attitude toward homosexuality?
He’s a member of Gay and Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation (GLAAD)
He’s over the top about how much it offends him
He tolerates it
He doesn’t agree with it, but keeps his feelings to himself
He doesn’t feel one way or the other about it

8. Which movie would your man most enjoy?
Die Harder
The Birdcage
My Best Friend’s Wedding
Brokeback Mountain
Evita
Platoon

9. Has your man ever kissed another man?
If he has, I don’t know about it
Only when he was really drunk
One time in college
Absolutely not
I have my suspicions
No, but he’s kissed a whole lot of women

10. How into porn is your man?
I’m married to an aficionado
He has it for breakfast, lunch and dinner
Every now and then, he’s up for some good porn
He has one porn video that a friend gave to him
My man is disgusted by porn
He likes porn featuring two men

11. Which hobby would your man most likely participate in?
Bowling
Cooking classes
Cross-stitching
Paintball
Softball
Ballroom dancing

12. Which of the following would your man most enjoy?
A Broadway Show
A Wrestling Match
A Poetry Reading
Gay Days at Disney
A Drag Show
A Car Show
A Night At The Opera

13. Which best describes your man’s Internet habits?
He gets online late at night after I’ve gone to bed.
He only gets online at work and for work-related projects.
He rushes home and gets online to check his personal e-mail after work.
I’ve seen some questionable sites in his browsing history.
He surfs straight porn but leaves the gay stuff alone.

14. Where does your man shop for his clothes?
He doesn’t – I buy all of them.
JCPenney or Sears
K-Mart or Wal-Mart
Department stores like Macy’s
Men’s stores like Men’s Wearhouse or Brooks Brothers
He only shops in designer boutiques.

15. How does your man feel about lesbians or bisexual women?
He likes to watch.
He likes to participate.
He encourages them to live their life how they want to.
He has many female friends who are gay.
He thinks they’re disgusting.

16. How many male strangers does your man have on his social networking sites?
Too many to count
A couple randoms who “friended” him
None
My man doesn’t spend time on Facebook, MySpace or any other social networking sites that I know of.

17. What best describes your husband’s bathroom routine when he’s preparing to go somewhere?
He primps and preens for hours
He spends an average amount of time in the bathroom, but spends hundreds on products
He’s in and out
When it comes to getting ready, he’s like a woman

18. Which actor would your man say is his favorite?
Angelina Jolie
Ian McKellen
Matthew Broderick
John Travolta
Judy Garland
Chuck Norris

19. Which TV show is your man most likely to watch?
American Idol
House
Whatever’s on ESPN
A beauty pageant
America’s Next Top Model
Whatever we agree on watching together

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2 Responses to “Is Your Man Gay?”

  1. Scott said

    What chair? In other words…if you even noticed the chair you are California GAY!

  2. CB said

    So, how do you score this thing? I chose the last option in the hopes that it would cure me…

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