The Tempest Online™

~ Sic gorgiamus allos subjectatos nunc. ~

Pull My Finger–The Joy of a Colonoscopy

Posted by Daniel on April 24, 2009

A couple years ago I was in the hospital, and the doctors were stumped. I still had the same symptoms that I came in with, and my insurance was nearly expired. This called for drastic measures. And what could be more drastic than sticking a snake-like Kodak up my butt?

Allow me to walk you through a Colonoscopy in case you have yet to experience the joys of one.

No solid food for 24 hours. Not a major deal breaker, just slightly uncomfortable, but since it is necessary to drink a gallon of this pineapple tasting glop, hunger is the least of one’s problems. The real problem? The need to evacuate everything ever eaten.

I suddenly remembered that crayon I ate in second grade. That came out. Cheeseburger remains from a picnic July 4th, 1995–whoosh.

Then after spending a nightmarish couple of bowl-filling hours on the porcelain throne comes another thrilling part…

Photobucket

“…it’s enema time, Poodle.”  You know, just in case there is the tiniest bit of “stuff” still in the body….like food, cells, blood, DNA, etc.

(I absolutely LOATHE fake endearment from male nurses who are about to recreate my past alien abduction experience of probing)
Then comes the test itself. First, no need to study. The doctor put me to sleep. It was great, but then came my favorite part. When I woke up, I had uncontrollable gas. And the nelly nurse encouraged me to let ‘er rip.

After a lifetime of smothering “toots” in front of women, men, children and my dog, here was some guy not only encouraging it, but congratulating me for it. Telling me it was ok, even a good thing.

And it doesn’t get any better than that.

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5 Responses to “Pull My Finger–The Joy of a Colonoscopy”

  1. my blog said

    check this out…

    this is mine…

  2. Troy said

    I surely hope they find a more uninteusive way to do this in the future. Was hilarious story though!

  3. Kirk said

    I want to confirm everything this man said is the God-honest truth… especially waking up and having the nurses ask “Why is he bitting his lip to keep from passing gas?”

  4. Scott said

    I’m sure you often wonder what each person takes away from each post. From one farting buddy to another I’m pondering why THIS is how I find out that you’ve been in the hospital. I hope that you are well or get well soon.

  5. Craig said

    I would just like to apologize for laughing so much during this post.

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