The Tempest Online™

~ Sic gorgiamus allos subjectatos nunc. ~

No On H8…Unless…

Posted by Daniel on May 27, 2009

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1. Being gay is not “natural”. Real Americans always reject un-natural things like eyeglasses, polyester, and air conditioning.


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2. Gay marriage will encourage people to be “gay”; in the same way hanging around tall people will make you tall.

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3. Legalizing gay marriage will open the door to all kinds of “crazy” behavior. People may even wish to marry their pets because a dog has legal standing and can sign a marriage contract.

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4. Straight marriage has been around a long time and hasn’t changed at all; women are still property, blacks can’t marry whites, and divorce is still illegal.

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5. Straight marriage will be less meaningful if gay marriage were allowed; the sanctity of Britney Spears’ 55-hour “just for fun” marriage would be destroyed.

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6. Straight marriages are valid because they produce children. Gay couples, infertile couples, and old people shouldn’t be allowed to marry because our orphanages aren’t full yet, and the world needs more children.

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7. Obviously gay parents will raise gay children, since straight parents only raise straight children.

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8. Gay marriage is not supported by religion. In a theocracy like ours, the values of one religion are imposed on the entire country. That’s why we have only one religion in America.

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9. Children can never succeed without a male and a female role model at home. That’s why we as a society expressly forbid single parents to raise children.

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10. Gay marriage will change the foundation of society; we could never adapt to new social norms. Just like we haven’t adapted to cars, the service-sector economy, and longer life spans.

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One Response to “No On H8…Unless…”

  1. Taka Laka said

    lol, I like this sarcasm.
    Go sponge bob!!

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