The Tempest Online™

~ Sic gorgiamus allos subjectatos nunc. ~

What Does Your Doormat Say About You?

Posted by Daniel on August 12, 2009

Watching the news lately has been taxing, not to mention frustrating.

It does, however, prove that there really are a lot more stupid people in this country than I had ever imagined.

And by “stupid” I mean…

  • Ignorant
  • Prejudiced
  • Racist
  • Weak-Minded
  • Suspender-Wearing
  • Clod-Hopping
  • Robot-Fearing

…and there are so many more adjectives I could throw out there, but that would just be overkill.

This whole Healthcare Reform issue is a great example. It really says a lot about how dumb people here are when they will scream at the top of their tobacco-blocked lungs how they don’t want government getting involved in their healthcare…all the while they are enjoying the benefits of Medicare/Medicaid/VA.

I say if you want to spout out such ridiculous proof of your 3rd grade edumacashun, then you should also be DENIED Medicare!!! But then you’d bitch about losing your God-given right to government-provided healthcare.

I swear, those of you wanting to regurgitate the utterly fucked up bumper sticker tag lines handed down to you by your God-fearing Representatives/Senators deserve exactly what you are bitching about…no benefits from the government whatsoever!!! Seriously, you think the government should stay out of your life and not put it’s finger in your personal peanut butter jar?


Better & Cleaner Than The "Death Panels"

Better & Cleaner Than The "Death Panels"

Then send your name to Washington so that they can boot your ignorant ass out of ANYTHING provided to your hypocritical ass BY the government. This includes your healthcare, your Marriage Rights/Benefits, etc.

Maybe YOU should all take your weak-minded society-sucking behinds TO those made-up “Death Panels” and really put them to some good use.

This all kind of reminds me of our current search for the perfect new doormat.

(go with me on this…)

Seth and I have been trying to find something appropriate to put outside the front door.  And us being the way we are, we want it to practically SCREAM “us”.  I thought this would be a relatively simple task, considering we are pretty “simple” people (okay, so when some people called us that, they may have meant that in a different way than I would have).

At first, I wanted something bordering on tasteful and a smidge formal.  It’s the latent pretension in me, I suppose.  I mean, who doesn’t want those standing outside their front door (leaning heavily on the overworked doorbell) to know they are visiting class and taste?

But then Seth reminded me of just how weird we truly are and that that, in itself, called for something more befitting our strangeness and insanity.  He has a point, after all…we DID name our dog “Kitty” and our cat “Puppy”.

He really has his heart set on one that says “Go Away”.  Ironic, considering how much he wants more people to visit.

I think I have found one that – taking into account our modest-yet-lived-in furnishings (not to mention our limited mental capacity) – pretty much sums it all up.

What do you think…..?

If you've ever visited, you'd know it's true.

If you've ever visited, you'd know it's true.

So, you’re probably wondering what all of this has to do with the current healthcare debate, right?

Well to me (and keep in mind, I’m kinda messed up) it reminds me of how a lot of politicians pick and choose certain words/sound bites that they know will appeal to certain kinds of people.  They know they have no tangible argument to support their condemnation of an issue (such as healthcare reform, gay marriage, social security to name a few) and also have absolutely no alternative ideas.  So they look out to their waeker-minded constituents and hand them some fancified words that will scare them into a frenzy…even if what they are being fed is untrue and irrelevant.

These politicians send their minions out door-to-door and there is one little bit of data they collect that I’ll bet you never thought of.

That’s right…their doormats.

Here’s what stands out to them:

“God Bless America”

“Wipe Your Paws”

“Home Sweet Home”

“Welcome” (the “W” is four times larger than the rest of the word)

Anything Sports-Related or with a Cross-Stitch Needlework Pattern

These people tend to be (percentage-wise) more Republican/Conservative-leaning and yes, this data is collected and retained.  These folks are also more likely to spread any unfounded rumors (many times unwittingly) that are shoved into their heads, either at their front door, in the mail, at the pizza parlor, church, etc.

It’s true.

Don’t believe me?



Just go up to any home with elderly people who have a “God Lives In My Garden” doormat and tell them the government is going to put ROBOTS in charge of their Medicare and watch them poop dust.

So when I watch the news and see yet another kookie wild-blonde-haired old lady asking another Democratic Senator or Representative, “Do you read the Qur’an?”, it just shows me the Republicans/Conservatives/Pharma/Health Insurance Industry has found yet-another cat hair-covered doormat to belch out their rhetoric for them.

And they will stop at nothing in order to wipe their feet on the rest of us.

Oh, and by the way, here’s the doormat I actually picked out for OUR doorstep…

Yeah, just like us, it's reversable.

Yeah, just like us, it's reversable.

Depends on your view…

This pleases Seth.

This pleases Seth.


2 Responses to “What Does Your Doormat Say About You?”

  1. Brian said

    WELL….as you know, with me working in the healthcare INDUSTRY…you should’ve expected my two cents. So here they are and since I only have a nickle, anyone can feel free to give me three cents back.

    JUST TODAY I was having a conversation with someone of the baby-boomer set who was filling me in on some of the things being said about this whole “socialist government-run society” and this universal healthcare situation. After her points were made, I made mine.
    First point I made:
    this “interfering government-controlled healthcare idea” already exists. It’s called Medicare, Medicaid, Disability, VA, and so forth and so on. So, sorry old timers, it’s been going on since YOU were born.
    Second point:
    The complaint about how with the government in charge, those who need lesser care will be put behind those who need care first. DUH. As someone with no insurance, I’ve experienced this myself firsthand and bore witness to it. It’s called the Emergency room and Triage. You know, where those who need the least care get pushed to the back of the line? This also has been happening for MANY MANY MANY years already. (so i demolished THAT point with her as well.)
    Third point:
    “I won’t be able to pick my own doctor.” Blew this one away too, I did, I did! With the way insurance companies operate and doctors’ participation with them, you ALREADY CAN’T pick your own doctor unless he participates with your particular insurance company. So, in effect, who will be caring for you is already being controlled by the insurance company. Unless, of course, you want to pay your out of network deductible and also allow your insurance company to pay at a lesser coverage percentage, sticking you with more of the bill.

    In closing….socialized medicine already has been and will remain a part of our country’s landscape. I’m sure that if more people realized that Uncle Joe who is being seen at the VA hospital or Sister Sue who is at the free clinic getting her birth control pills is getting this care from the government and paid for by EVERYONE’S taxes that they SHOULD BE AND ALREADY ARE PAYING, they’d feel a little smarter in the morning. Our government is not a bad thing. Not making our government work for US is, though.

    sorry for the long response, Daniel. But I get a little mouthy sometimes. 🙂

  2. Kirk G said

    That’s WONDERFUL.

    And here I was going to suggest one of those custom mats from Lowes with the usual obscene initials spelled out in the middle. Some thing simple, tasteful, or shocking, like “SEX” or “BJ”…

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