The Tempest Online™

~ Sic gorgiamus allos subjectatos nunc. ~

Teaching Kitty On The Short Bus

Posted by Daniel on August 26, 2009

Kitty trying for two mini-tennis balls.

Kitty trying for two mini-tennis balls.

I have been having a bit of trouble lately trying to train both Kitty (our dog) and Puppy (our cat). Puppy has fixated on getting up on things she KNOWS she shouldn’t, probably out of either boredom or bad “cat”-titude or both. But since I’ve always had cats, I’m kinda used to her unwillingness to cooperate.

I think Kitty is harder because I haven’t really had dogs – especially a little one like him, that’s Seth’s department – and his inability to learn (especially boundaries) keeps me both perplexed and agitated…constantly.

Let me give you a list of just some of the things I am trying to teach Kitty (unsuccessfully) in order for him to be a good Dog.

1. I will not eat the cats’ food before she eats it or after she throws it up.

2. I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, dead mice, etc., just because I like the way they smell.

3. The litter box is not a cookie jar.

4. The sofa is not a ‘face towel’.

5. The garbage collector is not stealing our stuff.

6. I will not play tug-of-war with Daddy’s underwear when he’s on the toilet.

7. Sticking my nose into someone’s crotch is an unacceptable way of saying ‘hello’.

8. I don’t need to suddenly stand straight up when I’m under the coffee table.

9. I must shake the rainwater out of my fur before entering the house – not after.

10. I will not come in from outside and immediately drag my butt.

11. I will not sit in the middle of the living room and lick my crotch.

12. The cat is not a ‘squeaky toy’, so when I play with her and she makes that noise, it’s usually not a good thing.

13. When I have an “accident” inside the house, I shouldn’t get pissy when Daddy doesn’t give me a treat as a reward.

About the only “talent” we’ve seen out of this dog, so far, is the following…

All of my efforts, thus far, have achieved nothing more than to make me want to buy a pet more easily trained…like an alligator snapping turtle.

Maybe my efforts to train Puppy to attack Kitty at will will prove to be more entertaining…


2 Responses to “Teaching Kitty On The Short Bus”

  1. Kirk said

    That’s sick…. training poor animals to attack body parts can lead to real problems during sex!

  2. Ken said

    Kitty is a trip ! Love the videos.

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