The Tempest Online™

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Archive for November, 2010

The Best Things Are Worth The Weight

Posted by Daniel on November 14, 2010

Doritos!!!  Nom Nom Nom!!!

Doritos!!! Nom Nom Nom!!!

On the long list of things I’ve learned since being tossed out of his life like yesterdays used Kleenex is the issue of weight.

As has been noticed by many (and mentioned to the rest by me), I lost a total of 37 pounds in the period between Valentines Day of this year and the end of Summer.  While I was ever-so-pleased at finally being able to fit into those Osh Kosh B’Gosh jeans I’ve been painfully holding on to for too damned long, I was also very conscious of just how I was losing that weight…and so quickly.

Stress, I’ve found, can be very slimming.  And about as healthy a way of losing weight as cigarettes are an excuse to curb your appetite.  Neither are especially good for you…in fact, they can be pretty damned UN-healthy!

So I was stressing out over all the shoes dropping around me (who knew he had so damned many?!?!?!) and this was, in turn, causing me to have little-to-no appetite.  Shit…who the hell can think of food when your so damned busy trying to figure out what would make your mate cheat on you?  Then, to make matters worse, finding out that he’d been telling potential “playmates” (starting as early as April of 2009) that “we broke up a long time ago…now we’re just roommates”…and HE not actually telling ME that we HAD broken up until April of THIS year.

Yeah, it was that stressful.

Living a lie that long will do that to you.

So I dropped all that weight.  And I decided to make lemonade out of that truckload of lemons he’d dumped over me.  I decided to ride my bike more, do more of my home exercising and try to eat a little better/healthier.

Two out of three ain’t bad.  Doing a lot of riding and LOTS of exercising…but I still eat a lot of crappy food.  Getting better, least there are an equal amount of salads mixed into my new diet and I’ve all but given up soda (save for the ONE I still treat myself to every weekend).

Now, my love handles are almost all gone…I’m seeing the 6-pack abs coming in…I still have rockin’ legs and calves and even my butt is getting perkier.

I’d almost forgotten how hard it is to maintain this butch-yet-girlish figure…”What, you mean I have to give up my Nacho Cheese Doritos??  Fuck that shit!!  I’d rather spend my mornings counting my extra chins!!”

[sorry, Rudy…feel free to borrow one anytime….LMAO!!! That was for all the “Old Fart” and “Geritol” and “Viagra” shots you took at me last night!!]

One of the things that I’ve noticed during this “slimming-down” period (yeah, that’s what I’ll call it) is that when I DO eat out with friends, I’ll order whatever tickles my fancy.  The massive plate inevitably arrives, then I spend the next 30 – 45 minutes talking and fiddling with my food…occasionally taking a bite or two, mostly so as not to offend the staff as to think I hate their food.

NOTE:  Except at “Fajita Fiesta”…I really DO hate their fucking so-called “food”!!!

My dad used to have a saying…”Your eyes are bigger than your stomach” when you’d order food that you couldn’t eat.  That’s very true in my case.

Usually by the time I’m finished “eating”, those with me tend to see my plate as looking more like an autopsy rather than whatever the hell I ordered.

So I’ve apparently developed this weird eating habit of picking at my food.  And yet, I also nibble CONSTANTLY!!  And usually it’s just snacky kinda shit that I like to refer to as “my kibble”.

The past few days, however, I’ve noticed that I’ve actually regained three pounds.  Hmmm…and I HAVE been spending some time with Travis…but it’s way too early for “those” pounds to sneak in on me, right?  I will say this, though…they are very happy pounds.

And from what my doctor and some family and friends tell me, some much-needed pounds.  Guess they were all starting to think I look too thin.

Hmmmmmm…I’ll have to ponder this conundrum over a bag of Nacho Cheese Doritos…

I’ll get back to y’all…

Have a great Sunday!!


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Famine To Feast

Posted by Daniel on November 12, 2010

How did it come to this?

When did the man who absolutely hates the process of dating, mostly because of all the awkward initial “first” moments suddenly become the latest “In Thing”??  Never mind the fact that my chronic social anxiety usually precludes me from making a generally good first impression.  Mostly because in order to counter that anxiety, I usually tend to overcompensate it with stupid humor and cheesy one-liners.

In short, I’m a complete dork when it comes to dating…always have been.

Now I find myself back on the dating game…and sucking pretty badly at it.  (not to be taken literally, m’kay?)

And lo and behold, there are guys coming out of the woodwork.  All apparently vying for…um…me?



What the hell AM I trying for now?  Have I really learned enough about men to truly give my heart freely again?  Is there truly a man out there who ISN’T going to love me then leave me…like all the rest?  So many things to factor in.

Am I too old for some?  Too young?  Too weak/strong?  Giving?  Reserved?  Too tan?  Too short?

I hate this process.  I just wish the one who TRULY loves JUST ME would just swoop in and take away this horrid and scary process.

And this brings me back to the guys coming out of the woodwork…

Without going into specifics on each, I’ll just say this:

  • Eight here in Fresno
  • One in Los Banos
  • Two in Kentucky (not including my sweet friend, B)(unless he wants to be ON this list…lol)
  • Four (yes, FOUR) in West Virginia (except for the ONE that matters…cowboy)
  • Three in LA
  • Four in Boston
  • One in Andover
  • Three in Dallas

Well guys…you can duke it out then…

I’m ready.

I’m here.

I’m waiting.

I’m hungry…I’ll be in the kitchen.

May the best man win.

NOTE:  Okay, the last few lines of this were just for fun…but the rest is true.

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Love Isn’t Timed With A Stopwatch

Posted by Daniel on November 7, 2010

Missed it by THAT much!!!

I Hate Playing "Beat The Clock"!!

This past week, it occurred to me that I had, as it turned out, missed what appeared to be a big chance to accidentally-on-purpose step in the way of, and be hit by Cupid’s all-too-elusive arrow.

I was sad for that loss, of course…because aren’t we all (excluding those that want to have their cake and eat it, too) hoping for love?  Looking for it?  Praying for it?  Oh sure, it’s always better not to look for love, rather we should let love find us, right?  I mean, that is the common wisdom going around, yes?

Ordinarily I’m right there with you on that.  I don’t think I’ve EVER actually looked for love.  Instead, love has always found me.  And when that arrow hit me, (all six times!!) it buried itself so damned deeply that it couldn’t be taken out.

Anyone remember that duck in Illinois that some asshole shot with a bow and arrow and the duck survived?  The arrow was actually sticking through the ducks’ neck and yet the duck lived a normal life.  Everyone was afraid to catch it and remove the arrow for fear that, in itself, would actually kill the little critter.  Hmmm…don’t know exactly what ever happened to it or how long it lived after that.  But I do know one thing…

I have BEEN that duck!!!  Six times in my life I’ve been in love and six times I was left wandering around with an arrow through my neck.

I feel your pain, Daffy!!

Been There...Duck That

This time, however, I’ve decided it’s time to have that sucker removed!!  And it was.  And as many of you know, it damned near killed me.


I say “literally” because the last love that was given to me, then without reason or warning, yanked away from me in EVERY insulting way so that it could be handed to someone else apparently more deserving.  Yeah, folks, Seth almost killed me.

But dammit…I survived!!  In spite of all the wrongs done to me, and despite being left quite literally in the street, I have begun the fight back to normalcy.

This brings me to today’s post.

Not very long ago, I began talking to someone who, as it turns out, was probably the finest person I’d met in many years.  He lives in Massachusetts, and is, by all accounts, probably the closest to perfect as you’ll ever find.  Save for one aspect…

Because of his past bad encounters with Cupid’s arrows, (and hey, we’ve all been there, right?), he had decided to put himself, as well as his pursuit of love on something of a time frame.  While I think that’s a bit odd, not to mention rather limiting, I guess he’s just had enough of the meat market atmosphere and all the fakery and let-downs.  And who can blame him, right?

I have to admit, over time and through many conversations on the phone, texts, emails and online chats, I was smitten.  At the same time, I was fighting like hell trying to start a new life (such that Seth had left me with) by moving to Boston (which had nothing to do with the guy in question, mind you).  I worked my ass of trying to save for the trip.  Fought like the dickens to get my work transfer pushed through.

Funny thing about having to start off in life where Seth left me…seems everyone ELSE was holding all the cards and making ALL the decisions for me and I wasn’t allowed ANY input.

All the while, I was intensely aware that this mans “love clock” was ticking down minute by minute…day by day.  And I was getting closer to losing any opportunity of finding out if he could be the one.

Longer story short…

My work decided to drag ass on my transfer…so that (coupled with my ex’s ever-changing promises due to “things change”) pretty much pissed away my chances – at least for now – of moving east.  And, in the process, that wonderful man also decided I wasn’t worth that wait, or else I just didn’t make the deadline.

Needless to say, I was pretty bummed out over BOTH losses…especially the fact that once that deadline came and went, he just completely blew me off.  Guess the calendar told him more about me than I did.  I mean, just how is a guy to get a break when everyone else is pulling the strings???

But then I thought about it.  And while I was saddened to think I was, in an off-beat way, dumped by someone over a calendar date, it forced me to realize that I am better than that.

I am NOT a circle on a calendar…nor an “X”.  I am a person.  A very good person with a heart of gold, a very sharp wit, MUCH to offer the right person, and WORTH the wait in the end.

While I do respect his decision to take charge of his love life and his pursuit OF love…I feel a tiny bit sad for people who come to such a rash decision as to limit loves parameters.  We can’t tell Cupid where to come from, nor can we say it’s going to happen by this date or not at all.

Funny thing about love, readers…it’s messy and hard and wondrous and awe-inspiring.  We can no more limit it’s freedom to hit us from WHATEVER source or direction than we can limit the sun’s warm embrace.  Love is, in a way, a living breathing entity that cannot be captured and put into a jar for our amusement, only to be free’d at our whim.  In that way, it never fails that we tend to forget to poke holes in the cap so that it can breath…and only when we see that it has died do we dump it out and try to capture it alive again.

Like a butterfly (or Madame Butterfly, to those in on the joke) we have to let it remain free to flutter around and land on us at IT’S choosing.

So, while I do most sincerely hope nothing BUT the best for my sweet funny friend in MA on his pursuit/non-pursuit of that elusive arrow…I remain ever confident that that arrow will again find me all on its own.

And lately, I’ve been feeling the urge to check my butt cheek for a red dot…because a butterfly just landed on it…and Cupid has it in his laser sights!!

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