The Tempest Online™

~ Sic gorgiamus allos subjectatos nunc. ~

Love Isn’t Timed With A Stopwatch

Posted by Daniel on November 7, 2010

Missed it by THAT much!!!

I Hate Playing "Beat The Clock"!!

This past week, it occurred to me that I had, as it turned out, missed what appeared to be a big chance to accidentally-on-purpose step in the way of, and be hit by Cupid’s all-too-elusive arrow.

I was sad for that loss, of course…because aren’t we all (excluding those that want to have their cake and eat it, too) hoping for love?  Looking for it?  Praying for it?  Oh sure, it’s always better not to look for love, rather we should let love find us, right?  I mean, that is the common wisdom going around, yes?

Ordinarily I’m right there with you on that.  I don’t think I’ve EVER actually looked for love.  Instead, love has always found me.  And when that arrow hit me, (all six times!!) it buried itself so damned deeply that it couldn’t be taken out.

Anyone remember that duck in Illinois that some asshole shot with a bow and arrow and the duck survived?  The arrow was actually sticking through the ducks’ neck and yet the duck lived a normal life.  Everyone was afraid to catch it and remove the arrow for fear that, in itself, would actually kill the little critter.  Hmmm…don’t know exactly what ever happened to it or how long it lived after that.  But I do know one thing…

I have BEEN that duck!!!  Six times in my life I’ve been in love and six times I was left wandering around with an arrow through my neck.

I feel your pain, Daffy!!

Been There...Duck That

This time, however, I’ve decided it’s time to have that sucker removed!!  And it was.  And as many of you know, it damned near killed me.

Literally.

I say “literally” because the last love that was given to me, then without reason or warning, yanked away from me in EVERY insulting way so that it could be handed to someone else apparently more deserving.  Yeah, folks, Seth almost killed me.

But dammit…I survived!!  In spite of all the wrongs done to me, and despite being left quite literally in the street, I have begun the fight back to normalcy.

This brings me to today’s post.

Not very long ago, I began talking to someone who, as it turns out, was probably the finest person I’d met in many years.  He lives in Massachusetts, and is, by all accounts, probably the closest to perfect as you’ll ever find.  Save for one aspect…

Because of his past bad encounters with Cupid’s arrows, (and hey, we’ve all been there, right?), he had decided to put himself, as well as his pursuit of love on something of a time frame.  While I think that’s a bit odd, not to mention rather limiting, I guess he’s just had enough of the meat market atmosphere and all the fakery and let-downs.  And who can blame him, right?

I have to admit, over time and through many conversations on the phone, texts, emails and online chats, I was smitten.  At the same time, I was fighting like hell trying to start a new life (such that Seth had left me with) by moving to Boston (which had nothing to do with the guy in question, mind you).  I worked my ass of trying to save for the trip.  Fought like the dickens to get my work transfer pushed through.

Funny thing about having to start off in life where Seth left me…seems everyone ELSE was holding all the cards and making ALL the decisions for me and I wasn’t allowed ANY input.

All the while, I was intensely aware that this mans “love clock” was ticking down minute by minute…day by day.  And I was getting closer to losing any opportunity of finding out if he could be the one.

Longer story short…

My work decided to drag ass on my transfer…so that (coupled with my ex’s ever-changing promises due to “things change”) pretty much pissed away my chances – at least for now – of moving east.  And, in the process, that wonderful man also decided I wasn’t worth that wait, or else I just didn’t make the deadline.

Needless to say, I was pretty bummed out over BOTH losses…especially the fact that once that deadline came and went, he just completely blew me off.  Guess the calendar told him more about me than I did.  I mean, just how is a guy to get a break when everyone else is pulling the strings???

But then I thought about it.  And while I was saddened to think I was, in an off-beat way, dumped by someone over a calendar date, it forced me to realize that I am better than that.

I am NOT a circle on a calendar…nor an “X”.  I am a person.  A very good person with a heart of gold, a very sharp wit, MUCH to offer the right person, and WORTH the wait in the end.

While I do respect his decision to take charge of his love life and his pursuit OF love…I feel a tiny bit sad for people who come to such a rash decision as to limit loves parameters.  We can’t tell Cupid where to come from, nor can we say it’s going to happen by this date or not at all.

Funny thing about love, readers…it’s messy and hard and wondrous and awe-inspiring.  We can no more limit it’s freedom to hit us from WHATEVER source or direction than we can limit the sun’s warm embrace.  Love is, in a way, a living breathing entity that cannot be captured and put into a jar for our amusement, only to be free’d at our whim.  In that way, it never fails that we tend to forget to poke holes in the cap so that it can breath…and only when we see that it has died do we dump it out and try to capture it alive again.

Like a butterfly (or Madame Butterfly, to those in on the joke) we have to let it remain free to flutter around and land on us at IT’S choosing.

So, while I do most sincerely hope nothing BUT the best for my sweet funny friend in MA on his pursuit/non-pursuit of that elusive arrow…I remain ever confident that that arrow will again find me all on its own.

And lately, I’ve been feeling the urge to check my butt cheek for a red dot…because a butterfly just landed on it…and Cupid has it in his laser sights!!

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