The Tempest Online™

~ Sic gorgiamus allos subjectatos nunc. ~

The Best Things Are Worth The Weight

Posted by Daniel on November 14, 2010

Doritos!!!  Nom Nom Nom!!!

Doritos!!! Nom Nom Nom!!!

On the long list of things I’ve learned since being tossed out of his life like yesterdays used Kleenex is the issue of weight.

As has been noticed by many (and mentioned to the rest by me), I lost a total of 37 pounds in the period between Valentines Day of this year and the end of Summer.  While I was ever-so-pleased at finally being able to fit into those Osh Kosh B’Gosh jeans I’ve been painfully holding on to for too damned long, I was also very conscious of just how I was losing that weight…and so quickly.

Stress, I’ve found, can be very slimming.  And about as healthy a way of losing weight as cigarettes are an excuse to curb your appetite.  Neither are especially good for you…in fact, they can be pretty damned UN-healthy!

So I was stressing out over all the shoes dropping around me (who knew he had so damned many?!?!?!) and this was, in turn, causing me to have little-to-no appetite.  Shit…who the hell can think of food when your so damned busy trying to figure out what would make your mate cheat on you?  Then, to make matters worse, finding out that he’d been telling potential “playmates” (starting as early as April of 2009) that “we broke up a long time ago…now we’re just roommates”…and HE not actually telling ME that we HAD broken up until April of THIS year.

Yeah, it was that stressful.

Living a lie that long will do that to you.

So I dropped all that weight.  And I decided to make lemonade out of that truckload of lemons he’d dumped over me.  I decided to ride my bike more, do more of my home exercising and try to eat a little better/healthier.

Two out of three ain’t bad.  Doing a lot of riding and LOTS of exercising…but I still eat a lot of crappy food.  Getting better, though..at least there are an equal amount of salads mixed into my new diet and I’ve all but given up soda (save for the ONE I still treat myself to every weekend).

Now, my love handles are almost all gone…I’m seeing the 6-pack abs coming in…I still have rockin’ legs and calves and even my butt is getting perkier.

I’d almost forgotten how hard it is to maintain this butch-yet-girlish figure…”What, you mean I have to give up my Nacho Cheese Doritos??  Fuck that shit!!  I’d rather spend my mornings counting my extra chins!!”

[sorry, Rudy…feel free to borrow one anytime….LMAO!!! That was for all the “Old Fart” and “Geritol” and “Viagra” shots you took at me last night!!]

One of the things that I’ve noticed during this “slimming-down” period (yeah, that’s what I’ll call it) is that when I DO eat out with friends, I’ll order whatever tickles my fancy.  The massive plate inevitably arrives, then I spend the next 30 – 45 minutes talking and fiddling with my food…occasionally taking a bite or two, mostly so as not to offend the staff as to think I hate their food.

NOTE:  Except at “Fajita Fiesta”…I really DO hate their fucking so-called “food”!!!

My dad used to have a saying…”Your eyes are bigger than your stomach” when you’d order food that you couldn’t eat.  That’s very true in my case.

Usually by the time I’m finished “eating”, those with me tend to see my plate as looking more like an autopsy rather than whatever the hell I ordered.

So I’ve apparently developed this weird eating habit of picking at my food.  And yet, I also nibble CONSTANTLY!!  And usually it’s just snacky kinda shit that I like to refer to as “my kibble”.

The past few days, however, I’ve noticed that I’ve actually regained three pounds.  Hmmm…and I HAVE been spending some time with Travis…but it’s way too early for “those” pounds to sneak in on me, right?  I will say this, though…they are very happy pounds.

And from what my doctor and some family and friends tell me, some much-needed pounds.  Guess they were all starting to think I look too thin.

Hmmmmmm…I’ll have to ponder this conundrum over a bag of Nacho Cheese Doritos…

I’ll get back to y’all…

Have a great Sunday!!

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