The Tempest Online™

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Doesn’t GOD Have A Calendar?

Posted by Daniel on May 24, 2011

Third Time's A Charm...Right Lord?

Okay, so there’s this California preacher who foretold of the world’s end only to see the appointed day pass with no extraordinarily cataclysmic event.  So now he has revised his apocalyptic prophecy, saying he was off by five months and the Earth actually will be obliterated on Oct. 21.  Great, I just unpacked and now I have to repack in five months??  I have to say that my better half and I were quite disappointed because we’ve been looking so forward to a nice trip and then bam…nothing.  So we just did the next best thing to ascending to Heaven…we went shopping at Riverpark.

Harold Camping, the John Smith wanna-be who predicted that 200 million Christians would be taken to heaven Saturday before catastrophe struck the planet, apologized for not having the dates “worked out as accurately as I could have.”  All that money and he can’t afford the calendar app for his isaiahPhone?

He spoke to the media at the Oakland headquarters of his Family Radio International, which spent millions of dollars – some of it from donations made by followers – on more than 5,000 billboards and 20 RVs plastered with the Judgment Day message.

It was not the first time Camping was forced to explain when his prediction didn’t come to pass. The 89-year-old retired civil engineer also prophesied that the Apocalypse would come in 1994, but said later that didn’t happen then because of yet another mathematical error.

Through chatting with a friend over what he acknowledged was a very difficult weekend, it dawned on him that instead of the biblical Rapture in which the faithful would be swept up to the heavens, May 21 had instead been a “spiritual” Judgment Day, which places the entire world under Christ’s judgment, he said…as if we weren’t under a big enough magnifying glass held by Washington.

The globe will be completely destroyed in five months, he said, when the apocalypse comes. But because God’s judgment and salvation were completed on Saturday, there’s no point in continuing to warn people about it, so his network will now just play uplifting Christian music and Veggie-Tales programs until the final end on Oct. 21.  

Ooops...False Alarm...Everyone Go Back To Your Lives And We'll Catch You In October!!!

“We’ve always said May 21 was the day, but we didn’t understand altogether the spiritual meaning,” he said. “The fact is there is only one kind of people who will ascend into heaven … if God has saved them they’re going to be caught up.”  I’m assuming it’s those with better timing and a more accurate calendar.

Josh Ocasion, who works the teleprompter during Camping’s live broadcasts in the group’s threadbare studio sandwiched between an auto shop and a palm reader’s business, said he enjoyed the production work but never fully believed the May 21 prophecy would come true.

“I thought he would show some more human decency in admitting he made a mistake,” he said Monday. “We didn’t really see that.”

Follower Jeff Hopkins said he spent a good deal of his own retirement savings on gas money to power his car so people would see its ominous lighted sign showcasing Camping’s May 21 warning. As the appointed day drew nearer, Hopkins started making the 100-mile round trip from Long Island to New York City twice a day, spending at least $15 on gas each trip.

“I’ve been mocked and scoffed and cursed at and I’ve been through a lot with this lighted sign on top of my car,” said Hopkins, 52, a former television producer who lives in Great River, NY. “I was doing what I’ve been instructed to do through the Bible, but now I’ve been stymied. It’s like getting slapped in the face.”

Camping’s hands shook slightly as he pinned his microphone to his lapel, and as he clutched a worn Bible he spoke in a quivery monotone about some listeners’ earthly concerns after giving away possessions in expectation of the Rapture.

Family Radio would never tell anyone what they should do with their belongings, and those who had fewer would cope, Camping said.

“We’re not in the business of financial advice,” he said. “We’re in the business of telling people there’s someone who you can maybe talk to, maybe pray to, and that’s God.”  Asked whether God had given solid confirmation to the date of Rapture and also the mathematical formula with which he kept coming up with these dates, Camping looked at his Rolex watch and then patted his tattered Bible.

Then he said that he wouldn’t give away any of his possessions ahead of Oct 21.

“I still have to live in a house, I still have to drive a car,” he said. “What would be the value of that? If it is Judgment Day why would I give it away?”

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