The Tempest Online™

~ Sic gorgiamus allos subjectatos nunc. ~

Neverday’s Seeds

Posted by Daniel on March 16, 2013

There’s a seed of inspiration sewn in every conversation I have.  I glean these seeds from family, friends, ex’s and “Oh’s”.   Today’s seed was planted by a simple word.   Left me thinking about what I’ve gained and lost by aiming for that word…”Companionship”.  How can I attain this state in the present or future if I’m unsure of what I’ve learned from the past?   After all, there’s no past that I can bring back by longing for it, only a present that builds and creates itself as the past withdraws.

So I reflect back on my memories.   The good, the bad and the ugly.   I can honestly say, without hesitation that I have tried to spread as much or more good as I have ever received.  But I also recognize that I am guilty of causing pain – however unintentional – to others.  I’m inspired by a friends’ random act of kindness that he passed along to an elderly couple.  I take heart every day in the strength and worldly wisdom of someone who, to me, is and lives the very definition of beauty.  I try to live up to their examples every day.  Not as a means of erasing the red marks in my life, but to guide my actions in a positive way moving forward.  It is in this realization that I learn, grow and gain strength enough to stop looking back at the past with such relish as to refuse to see the beautiful, newly revealed views before me.

Initially I’m overwhelmed.  But gradually I realize it’s like a wave.   Resist, and I’ll be knocked over.  Dive into it, and I’ll swim out the other side.  The only real failure is my failure to try, and the measure of success is how I cope with disappointment.  But it’s also true that the person who risks nothing, does nothing, has nothing.

All of this and I am still afraid.  Will today’s seed take root?  Can I, after all this time, open up and allow myself the chance to be the gardener I once was?  Is companionship really so attainable?

It’s all too unclear. 

All I know about the future is that it will be different.  But perhaps what I fear is that it will be the same. So I must celebrate the changes, because, as someone once said, everything will be alright in the end, and if it’s not alright, then trust me…that’s alright, too.

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