The Tempest Online™

~ Sic gorgiamus allos subjectatos nunc. ~

Archive for April, 2013

As Your Friend, I Should tell You…

Posted by Daniel on April 1, 2013

Time to talk like an adult.

Real friends don’t look at you and say, “You chose these friends over us.”
In grownup land, we don’t actually choose. We don’t have to. In life, we add to our circle of friends. That’s what happens when you venture out of the house…you meet more people. Some of your friends don’t all live in the same areas. So you TRY to balance out the talks and visits. Plans sometimes get crossed, or even changed.  It happens.   But you don’t really think of it as, “Hmmm…I like these people more than these, so i’m just gonna stop talking to this group entirely.”

I bring this up because I’ve been faced with a very precarious decision.  Do I try to somehow amend the hurt feelings of a few people who I’ve always counted as my friends?  Or do I tell them to grow the fuck up and learn that just because they FEEL slighted and ignored, that isn’t necessarily the case.  Now, I’m a little heated at the moment because I just had my apology for an absence turned into what amounts to a “fuck you…go on with your happy life with your new friends…we’re good”.  In this heated moment, I’m tempted to grant that wish.

I’m guilty of spending time with friends who don’t live in the same city as I or some of my other friends do.  It’s true, I prefer that city over this one simply because the air is cleaner (and my allergies love that), there is FAR more to do up there and the people up there are, for the most part, drama-free.  Not that my friends here in this town are more drama-ridden.  Not wanting to imply that at all.  I’ve just seen them as busier and not as accessible lately. I’ll send a text asking what’s up and depending on the response (if there actually is one), that will tell me what’s happening here.   No biggie, I’ve formed no opinion about that other than, “Eh, they’re busy.  Hmmm…wonder what’s happening up North?”  Quite literally, that’s about as much thought as I actually put into it.

I have, just today, been informed that I, for all intents and purposes, am a gigantic asshole who chose one group of friends over those here in Fresno.  Not true.  Since January, I can see the texts (all 5 of them) from one of you who responded to my texts with absolutely no obvious interest.  Again, no biggie.  Sorry to bother ya.  But where (since December) is one single text FROM you (actually, ANY of you) initiating anything even remotely resembling even the faintest conversation?  So when you tell me “All of us are thinking this…I’m just the only one willing to step up and say it to you”, you’ve just said far more than you expected.

Friendships work when everyone understands all the variables.  I’m always conscious of the fact that my friends can be, and occasionally are, busy or tied up.  They have their reasons.  If they are coupled, there’s always that.  Or they’re working, have other plans, whatever.  I understand these things.  Even when I don’t hear from them, I’m not assuming they’ve dropped or deleted me from their life.  I figure when they text me, they text me.  No biggie.

I guess I just have a problem when I’m not afforded the same patience.  Things come up.  I have work, school, extra classes, MORE work, and other things that come into my life.  Not the least of which is trying like hell to cultivate a long overdue (and highly fought for) dating situation.  But I have no intentions of intentionally avoiding local friends or deleting anyone from my life.  I don’t work that way.  I’m all too happy to admit, I am just as capable of screwing up and occasionally making friends feel (unintentionally) neglected or left out as anyone else.  But again, that isn’t intentional or what I’m actually wanting.  That’s friendship…it can be screwed up here and there, but we know our friends are still there for us no matter what.

I love ALL of my friends.  I don’t play favorites or dump one for another.  I don’t judge them for their silence or their having lives.  But I know they are there for me, and that means everything.  I just want them to all understand it works both ways.  If you want to talk, text or call or come by!!  Don’t wait three months and then be mad when something pops up and plans change.  That’s life.  I accept it when you have to change plans.  Why is it worse when I have to?

I’m not trying in any way to insult, demean or rub your nose(s) in your hurt feelings.  Quite the opposite, actually.  I’m sorry plans changed and I screwed up by not letting you know at that moment.  But it doesn’t mean those plans were more important than YOU…just unavoidable.

So again, we’re all adults here and as such, we deserve to show one another a bit more patience and understanding.  I promise to try to do better as your friend…will you?

Advertisements

Posted in Friends, Life, Uncategorized | Leave a Comment »