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Archive for the ‘LGBT’ Category

The Secrets Gay Men Kinda Want Straight People to Know…Sorta

Posted by Daniel on September 10, 2013

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As gay men and lesbians get closer and closer to the mainstream, they’ve often traded in their image as the queer radicals who started the Stonewall Riots for the milquetoast assimilationists who want to get married and have kids and put HRC (human Rights Campaign) bumper stickers on their cars. That doesn’t mean we’re still not queer radicals. It just means we’re hiding it from you.

That’s right, there are all sorts of secrets that Ted and Ned, the nice gay couple next door to you with the matching BMWs and the prim sweater sets aren’t telling you, probably starting with the reason they have those bolts in the ceiling of the “den” (It’s for the sling and “den” is gay for “sex room”). Now, it’s time to let the straights in on some of our dirty little secrets. Let’s see if you still like us after this. No, I don’t speak for all of the homosexuals, but, come on, queen, try to tell me this isn’t true!

Bottoming Is Just As Fun As Topping

There, I said it. Bottoming is fucking great. Yes, it hurts every time. Yes it is sometimes messy (Santorum is just not a Presidential candidate…look the word up). But it is always fucking worth it. There are lots of guys who only like to bottom. There are lots of couples that are both bottoms and they take turns begrudingly topping. There are also lots of tops who only like to top.  Personally, I prefer both.  But that’s just me.   Topping is fun too. But if topping is like a merry-go-round, then bottoming is like the best fucking roller coaster you’ve ever been on in your life. The weird thing is “power bottom” isn’t just some stupid straight boy insult, the gays use it too. There’s some sort of shame about being a bottom, like it makes us less manly and that straight people won’t take us seriously. That is probably true, but those feelings are wrapped in all this heteronormative, patriarchal bullshit that straight society has thrust upon us, and we hate you for making us feel bad about something that is better than chasing a million dragons. And, yes, straight guys, let your lady stick a finger up there sometime, and you’ll know what I’m talking about. I promise not to make you feel like less of a man for it.

Poppers Aren’t Awesome

For those who don’t know, poppers are an inhalant that is rather easy to come by in most adult book stores or gay leather shops. It’s amyl nitrite and it’s sold as “room deodorizer” or “video head cleaner” or some other preposterous bullshit like that. Some homosexuals love this stuff. Well, not all of them, but a lot of them. Especially bottoms! What it does is loosen up all the involuntary muscles (like in the throat and anus) so it’s so much easier to get large objects pushed into them. They also make you kind of dizzy and crazy and make every cell in your body scream, “I want to fuck right now” at the same time. They’re a choice (not one that I’d make, like, EVER). They also give you a headache and make you want to pass out. Whatever, that’s the price you pay.

Cocksucker Is Not an Insult

See the discussion about “power bottom” above, except the difference is, 99.9% of gay men love to suck dick. Therefore, if you call us a cocksucker, it says something more about you than it does about us. We love our cocks, we love to have them sucked, and we love to be the one doing the sucking. If you say “cocksucker” like it’s a bad thing, your punishment should be to never have your cock sucked again. But, yeah, go ahead and call us a cocksucker. That’s sort of like calling Bill Gates “rich” and expecting him to get mad about it.

We Have Our Own Celebrities

Straight people think, “Oh, the gays love Madonna and Lady Gaga and Kathy Griffin.” Yes, it’s true, but there is a class of gay superstars you don’t even know about. You think gay people love Gaga? You should hear when a Robyn song comes on at a gay bar. Then it is fucking over. Don’t forget the Scissor Sisters, anyone who was ever on RuPaul’s Drag Race, Ben Cohen, cabaret superstar Mx. Justin Vivian Bond, or all the women whose careers we are personally keeping alive like Cyndi Lauper, Margaret Cho, and Sandra Bernhard. You may think you know what we like, but you don’t even know the half of it.

We Want to Fuck All the Hot Straight Boys

When homophobes always have a gay panic and say gay men “all want to have sex with me,” someone will always tell them, “That’s stupid. We don’t want to have sex with you.” That’s true—because that guy is ugly. If he was hot, gay guys will want to have sex with him. I mean, that’s just nature. Gay guys are attracted to hot guys, no matter their orientation. And if they’re in the locker room or at the beach or even walking down the street, we’re totally going to be checking them out. Also, many gay guys think straight guys are even hotter because they’re so naturally butch and hard to get. It’s like straight guys’ obsession with girl-on-girl action, but in reverse. Falling in love with a straight guy is a difficult and painful trap that many gay men fall into as well, but we’re not talking about that. We’re talking about just the lust. If they’re hot, it’s there—even for your boyfriend.

Not All Gay Couples Are Monogamous

What HRC and other gay rights groups would like to sell the straight public is that gay couples are just like straight married couples. In many cases, we are. We are monogamous and have been together forever and raise our kids behind white picket fences. What we don’t want you to know is that many gay couples, though married, civilly unionized, or otherwise common law are inviting guys over for threeways, playing around with other guys on the side, or engaged in all other sorts of sexual hijinks. Personally, I’m not down with that…I’m greedy and I don’t share the meat on my plate.  EVER.  Yes, straight people have “swingers” but it seems like there is a stronger bent of “non-traditional arrangements” among the gays. It might be because gay men are horny bastards and because we didn’t have your fiendish and chaste preset relationship constructs until recently when straight people decided it was time to stop treating us like second class citizens. Yeah, we may be married, but that doesn’t mean we’re dead or conforming to your rules.

We Can Have Sex Anywhere at Anytime

Straight guys always say, “It must be great to be gay because you can get laid any time.” Yes, it’s true. We can get it anywhere, anytime. Straights might know about Manhunt and Grindr, but they may not know about the underwear parties, undergroup orgies, bath houses, cruisey public rest rooms, steam rooms, cottages, tea rooms, video stores, parks, glory holes, and other assorted nooks and crannies where gay guys will go in their most desperate and horniest moments. Sure, a lot of this activity has moved online and subsequently into our homes, but there is still plenty of public sex to be had. Aren’t we lucky!

We Don’t Love Drag Queens As Much As You Do

Drag queens are great! Some of my best friends are drag queens, and some of them put on great shows. But we see drag queens all the damn time. You can hardly go to a gay bar without running into one who is “hosting,” doing a lip sync number, running a contest, or just generally harassing people. For straight people it’s a treat. It’s fun and exciting and awesome. We’re glad that you can be in on the campy fun, but don’t hate us if we don’t match your enthusiasm. Imagine if you took us to a straight bar and we were like, “Oh my god! They have the football game on the television over the bar. Isn’t that amazing! That’s so awesome. Look at that screen! It’s so big and clear. Let’s give it a dollar! Do you have a dollar? I want to tip the screen,” you would think we were some crazy asshole. That’s how we feel when you wig out (pun intended) over drag queens.

Just clarifying.  Any Questions?

Posted in LGBT, Love - Or Something Like It | Leave a Comment »

Lessons Learned

Posted by Daniel on August 7, 2013

A code of professional conduct is a necessary component to any profession to maintain standards for the individuals within that profession to adhere.  It brings about accountability, responsibility and trust to the individuals that the profession serves.

For writers such as Alexander Pope and Samuel Johnson, struggling in the transition from the age of patronage to that of Grub Street professionalism, Shakespeare offered not only a body of poetic invention but also an inspirational career trajectory.  I have lived my professional life to this standard since day-one.

As a writer, I’ve learned the in’s and out’s of just how powerful the spoken or written word can be.  Words (spoken or unspoken) can hurt or heal.  They can resolve, through mediation, great disparage and disagreements; yet they can also dig a chasm of resent so vast and so deep that no action can ever fill it.  In these instances, the resulting void is a scar that can never heal…leading to the death of any future talks.  I include “unspoken” in this narrative because recent events have underlined just how much hurt can come from what isn’t said just as much as what is.

In business, this is all the more important to keep in mind.  Be careful with whom you conduct business, because those who are sometimes close to you and are amazing people at their core, can also show to have absolutely no business savvy whatsoever.  If they even so much as researched their dealings, they might not be setting themselves up for, what I see as, several contractual lawsuits down the short road of this endeavor.  And you sometimes have to discover this through watching everything they try to conduct professionally fall through the floor.

I am currently standing at the edge of this professional and intellectual abyss.

Not too long ago I was asked to join a business venture that, at face value, appeared to be both novel in it’s originality as well as long overdue in it’s ideals.  I was asked to come on board as their Communications Director, which involved editing all web and email content, as well as turning their website from a sows ear to a silk purse.  I also worked for weeks getting their link added to thirty nine LGBTQ (and LGBTQ-friendly) websites as a means of helping to spread the message of this company.  “All Inclusive” and “In this business, we exclude NO groups” were the original themes batted around.  Of course I was all over this project.

It didn’t take long to figure out this message of theirs was not, in fact, entirely true.  No matter how much the two ladies who’ve taken the lead want to protest.  I am truly sorry to have to say that even the name of their so-called production company has become a bad joke.  Mostly because their actions and, sorry to say, business ethics have proven that name to be completely opposite in meaning.

Without going into the gory details or play-by-Play, suffice it to say that if you can’t take a courteous and professional criticism (that you asked for, by the way), then you shouldn’t jump into the deep end of the professional Pool.  I love working with people, and always have.  But in business, like I’ve always said, if you want to bark with the big dogs, you can’t pee like a puppy.  And you need to grow a thicker skin so that when someone tells you that when you write official emails or texts to companies, you’d better not sound like a Jr. High drop-out.  Yes, I said it…Punctuation…look into it!!!

Bottom line, if you can’t or won’t take professional criticism as a positive lesson learned, and would rather continue speaking to people professionally in a manner that makes you look like the most complex sentence structure you can come up with is “Was up wichew?”, good luck on your next business venture.  Because this one will be short-lived.  Especially when I get done with it online.  Only unlike you, I can do it by telling the truth.

Professionally speaking.

Posted in Common Sense, LGBT, Life, Our Writings | Leave a Comment »

Don’t SHOH8!!!

Posted by Daniel on June 26, 2013

ImageOkay, with all the revelry over today’s landmark and HISTORIC decisions from SCOTUS, there is something I, as a gay American would like to say.

I’ve already seen the hateful venom being poured out on the media and internet from those who adamantly oppose marriage equality. I get that. It’s to be expected. And no amount of talk from myself or anyone else will ever really change many of their minds. This is, after all, based on their sense of morality/beliefs. We can do nothing to sway the diehard Prop 8 and DOMA supporters, other than to go forward as examples of how these decisions in no way threaten them. Religious or political views are, in many cases, something that they can’t change. I respect that. But it’s time to live up to that religious precept of not judging. It really is time.

And to all of my fellow revelers out there…Yes, we have reason to celebrate. This has, indeed, been a long hard-fought battle. But there are two things we, as a community need to remember…First, no matter how long this battle has been, it isn’t nearly won. There is still so very far we have to go to make marriage equality the law of ALL the land…not just parts of it. So celebrate our victories, but don’t put down that banner just yet. And second, in your revelry, please try to show a little class in NOT throwing F-bombs or other vitriolic rhetoric at those who oppose marriage equality. It’s not who we are and not helpful in our cause. In every decision there are winners and losers (not meant in any negative way). Someone wins and someone loses. Today was our day to win and while it’s been a long time in coming, lets try not to sling the same hate back at those who tried to hold us down. 

On that note, major congratulations to those who fought so very hard on our behalf, to those who sacrificed so very much, and to all of us who now are one MAJOR step closer to true equality.

Posted in GLBT, LGBT, Life, Media Matters, News, Op-Ed, Politics, Religion | Tagged: , , , | Leave a Comment »

This Is Single Life???

Posted by Daniel on October 30, 2010

As if my attitude didn't say it for me...

Since I was forced to be single by my ever-cheating EX, I’ve become somewhat familiar with a new vernacular…”Dating Site Lingo”.

It’s been a long time since I was single, and I guess things really have changed over the years.  Being what some would call “old school”, I was completely unaware of how to answer certain questions.  The most often asked is, “So, what are you into?”

Into?

Until recently, I would have answered that thusly:

“Well, I love gardening, spending time with my dog, loving my man, hiking, travel, cozy nights in front of the fire, good books, wine and music……”

Who knew that was the answer NO ONE was looking for???  Besides, how many of us say “cozy nights in front of the fire” and most of us don’t even have a fireplace?!

Now when they ask what you’re into on those dating sites (as well as in person when they’re ballsy enough) they mean something entirely different!!

The following is a list of options they are referring to and my subsequent rubber-stamp answer:

  • By the way, the following list is rather graphic, so if you DON’T want to know these things (which, by the way, are not JUST in the gay culture, but just as prevalent in the hetro world…if not more so.)  So don’t say you weren’t warned.
  1. Leather – I’m too short to pull off wearing this stuff…I’d look like some freaky saddle!!
  2. Fisting – I’m too old to wear diapers and too young to want to wear adult diapers.
  3. P&P – No “poppers” for me…but if they could put the sweet smell of a good man into a bottle, THEN count me in!!
  4. Porn – Why would I want to watch OTHER people having more fun than I am?!?!
  5. Voyeurism – If I wanted other people to watch, I’d be IN porn!!
  6. Slings – It’d just ruin my fond childhood memories of the playground.
  7. Toys – Not unless they can come up with a dildo that can also transform into a car or an airplane!!
  8. Watersports – I’ve been pissed on by “the man” all my life (especially the cheaters)…let’s not make it THAT vivid by making it literal!!
  9. Bondage – I used to work for the military, so it would just remind me of a hostage situation.
  10. Married Men – UGH!!  Been cheated on TOO MANY TIMES to want to BE the “other woman”!!
  11. No Strings – Well, unless it’s tied around a pork tenderloin that you’re cooking for our first date.
  12. Role Playing – “I’m, the Mary…You’re the Rhoda”…really, who needs the confusion??
  13. Straight/Bi – Honestly guys…shit or get off the pot!!!
  14. Dad/Son – No thanks.  I’ve been through enough therapy and FOUND my “happy place”!!
  15. Group Sex – I’m too bendy and afraid we’d all end up in some weird nekkid knot!!
  16. Pig Play – I don’t know WHAT this is…but it don’t EVEN sound like fun to me!!!
  17. Rough – I’m Italian…one wrong or rough move and you’ll be wearing concrete Prada shoes!!!

I’m pretty sure there are more things out there that I’m not “into”, so I reserve the right to expand on this list at any time.

And if there’s one thing I AM “into”, it’s telling people what I’m NOT “into”!!

Posted in Just For Fun, LGBT, Life, Our Writings | 1 Comment »

Ann Coulter Serves Up A Yellow Brick Load

Posted by Daniel on October 11, 2010

 

Anybody Got A Bucket Of Water???

 

The following can only be placed in the WTF category.  (My alternate title was going to be “And The Gays Got Yellow Brick Hoe’d!!”)

I’m reading the Sunday NYT and right there smack dab on the front of the Styles section, I see it…

Ann Coulter is now allowing herself to be billed as the “Right-Wing Judy Garland”?  I smell another shitty pop-up book coming out soon.

Last weekend, the queen of the Neocons met the queens of the Homocon in a surreal event in New York City.

Why else would the group GOProud invited Ann Coulter to speak to them. This is the same Ann Coulter who called John Edwards a “faggot.” The same Ann Coulter who claims she has “never failed to talk a gay out of gay marriage.”

The same Ann Coulter who the event organizers called “the right-wing Judy Garland.”

From reports by those in attendance, Coulter delivered less of a speech and more of a stand-up routine. Now I have no problem with comedians – even bad ones –  but her show consisted of gays being the punch line of every joke, not including the jokes she directed at black people.

Imagine if you were standing in a group of LGBT people listening to and laughing at a straight woman tossing off one liners like, “Marriage is not a civil right. You’re not black!”  My understanding is that this resulted in quite a rousing applause.

She continued her routine with remarks about why gays and abortion foes should band together, “as soon as they find the gay gene, you know who’s getting aborted!”

I read on and am again left astounded at the strangeness of these self-proclaimed conservative gays who apparently feel that chumming around with Ann was worth weathering the insults she spewed.  It makes me wonder what the hell they PAID her to speak/insult them!!

These folk, and there were only about 150 of them, claim they focus on “federal issues” rather than “state issues like marriage.”

This stirs up echoes of 1950s white Southerner’s talking about “states rights” when they really meant retaining Jim Crow laws.

What these alleged gay conservatives miss is that to the GOP we are just a punch line.

LGBT Americans are not a group of citizens struggling against discrimination, they are just funny fags who can be so amusing and do a fabulous job decorating and styling hair.

To tell a group of LGBT people that civil rights are the sole property of racial minorities is outrageous, but for that same group to actually stand and pay some blonde bimbo to say it while clinking champagne glasses and making chitchat is appalling.

Suddenly I’m not so disgusted by the Log Cabin Republicans.  This HomoCon group truly DOES turn my stomach!!

I imagine that there will be lots of apologists for this strange event.  They will say that many people misunderstood the intention of the event; it was “to start a dialogue”… etc.

But a dialogue has to have some kind of give and take.  It is not just someone talking and another person waiting to talk.

Perhaps there is some common ground for Coulter and her adoring Homocons (and why have I NEVER heard of THESE Homos??) in the fiscal responsibility I hear touted by the Republicans.   But isn’t it funny that she decided to go for gay jokes instead of substance?

There will also be those who defend the Homocons by pointing to the Democratic Party and saying, “Hey, what have you done for LGBT people?”

To them I would honestly say this, “Not enough!”

Still, at least with the Democratic Party, we are part of a real conversation, and we are not thought of as punch lines.  We are not limited to the sidelines and asked to passively stand by while we are insulted and demeaned.

And as to the reference to Judy Garland? Well, for those old enough to remember Miss Garland, whose silver screen performances I still remember fondly,  she was a tortured and sad woman who struggled with drug dependency and emotional ups and downs wilder than any rollercoaster. I suspect a lot of gay men admired her ability to persevere in spite of her problems and let her talent soar.

She was both brilliant and sad but she was bursting with enough talent to transcend the struggle and whisk audiences away over her own personal rainbow.

Ann Coulter, on the other hand, may have charmed the self-loathing Homocons with her snappy quips and tasteless attempts at humor, but for me she would be much better cast as the Wicked Witch of the East.

Now, would someone please drop a WHITEhouse on her?

Posted in LGBT, Media Matters, Politics, Today's Rant | Leave a Comment »