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Archive for the ‘Love – Or Something Like It’ Category

The Secrets Gay Men Kinda Want Straight People to Know…Sorta

Posted by Daniel on September 10, 2013


As gay men and lesbians get closer and closer to the mainstream, they’ve often traded in their image as the queer radicals who started the Stonewall Riots for the milquetoast assimilationists who want to get married and have kids and put HRC (human Rights Campaign) bumper stickers on their cars. That doesn’t mean we’re still not queer radicals. It just means we’re hiding it from you.

That’s right, there are all sorts of secrets that Ted and Ned, the nice gay couple next door to you with the matching BMWs and the prim sweater sets aren’t telling you, probably starting with the reason they have those bolts in the ceiling of the “den” (It’s for the sling and “den” is gay for “sex room”). Now, it’s time to let the straights in on some of our dirty little secrets. Let’s see if you still like us after this. No, I don’t speak for all of the homosexuals, but, come on, queen, try to tell me this isn’t true!

Bottoming Is Just As Fun As Topping

There, I said it. Bottoming is fucking great. Yes, it hurts every time. Yes it is sometimes messy (Santorum is just not a Presidential candidate…look the word up). But it is always fucking worth it. There are lots of guys who only like to bottom. There are lots of couples that are both bottoms and they take turns begrudingly topping. There are also lots of tops who only like to top.  Personally, I prefer both.  But that’s just me.   Topping is fun too. But if topping is like a merry-go-round, then bottoming is like the best fucking roller coaster you’ve ever been on in your life. The weird thing is “power bottom” isn’t just some stupid straight boy insult, the gays use it too. There’s some sort of shame about being a bottom, like it makes us less manly and that straight people won’t take us seriously. That is probably true, but those feelings are wrapped in all this heteronormative, patriarchal bullshit that straight society has thrust upon us, and we hate you for making us feel bad about something that is better than chasing a million dragons. And, yes, straight guys, let your lady stick a finger up there sometime, and you’ll know what I’m talking about. I promise not to make you feel like less of a man for it.

Poppers Aren’t Awesome

For those who don’t know, poppers are an inhalant that is rather easy to come by in most adult book stores or gay leather shops. It’s amyl nitrite and it’s sold as “room deodorizer” or “video head cleaner” or some other preposterous bullshit like that. Some homosexuals love this stuff. Well, not all of them, but a lot of them. Especially bottoms! What it does is loosen up all the involuntary muscles (like in the throat and anus) so it’s so much easier to get large objects pushed into them. They also make you kind of dizzy and crazy and make every cell in your body scream, “I want to fuck right now” at the same time. They’re a choice (not one that I’d make, like, EVER). They also give you a headache and make you want to pass out. Whatever, that’s the price you pay.

Cocksucker Is Not an Insult

See the discussion about “power bottom” above, except the difference is, 99.9% of gay men love to suck dick. Therefore, if you call us a cocksucker, it says something more about you than it does about us. We love our cocks, we love to have them sucked, and we love to be the one doing the sucking. If you say “cocksucker” like it’s a bad thing, your punishment should be to never have your cock sucked again. But, yeah, go ahead and call us a cocksucker. That’s sort of like calling Bill Gates “rich” and expecting him to get mad about it.

We Have Our Own Celebrities

Straight people think, “Oh, the gays love Madonna and Lady Gaga and Kathy Griffin.” Yes, it’s true, but there is a class of gay superstars you don’t even know about. You think gay people love Gaga? You should hear when a Robyn song comes on at a gay bar. Then it is fucking over. Don’t forget the Scissor Sisters, anyone who was ever on RuPaul’s Drag Race, Ben Cohen, cabaret superstar Mx. Justin Vivian Bond, or all the women whose careers we are personally keeping alive like Cyndi Lauper, Margaret Cho, and Sandra Bernhard. You may think you know what we like, but you don’t even know the half of it.

We Want to Fuck All the Hot Straight Boys

When homophobes always have a gay panic and say gay men “all want to have sex with me,” someone will always tell them, “That’s stupid. We don’t want to have sex with you.” That’s true—because that guy is ugly. If he was hot, gay guys will want to have sex with him. I mean, that’s just nature. Gay guys are attracted to hot guys, no matter their orientation. And if they’re in the locker room or at the beach or even walking down the street, we’re totally going to be checking them out. Also, many gay guys think straight guys are even hotter because they’re so naturally butch and hard to get. It’s like straight guys’ obsession with girl-on-girl action, but in reverse. Falling in love with a straight guy is a difficult and painful trap that many gay men fall into as well, but we’re not talking about that. We’re talking about just the lust. If they’re hot, it’s there—even for your boyfriend.

Not All Gay Couples Are Monogamous

What HRC and other gay rights groups would like to sell the straight public is that gay couples are just like straight married couples. In many cases, we are. We are monogamous and have been together forever and raise our kids behind white picket fences. What we don’t want you to know is that many gay couples, though married, civilly unionized, or otherwise common law are inviting guys over for threeways, playing around with other guys on the side, or engaged in all other sorts of sexual hijinks. Personally, I’m not down with that…I’m greedy and I don’t share the meat on my plate.  EVER.  Yes, straight people have “swingers” but it seems like there is a stronger bent of “non-traditional arrangements” among the gays. It might be because gay men are horny bastards and because we didn’t have your fiendish and chaste preset relationship constructs until recently when straight people decided it was time to stop treating us like second class citizens. Yeah, we may be married, but that doesn’t mean we’re dead or conforming to your rules.

We Can Have Sex Anywhere at Anytime

Straight guys always say, “It must be great to be gay because you can get laid any time.” Yes, it’s true. We can get it anywhere, anytime. Straights might know about Manhunt and Grindr, but they may not know about the underwear parties, undergroup orgies, bath houses, cruisey public rest rooms, steam rooms, cottages, tea rooms, video stores, parks, glory holes, and other assorted nooks and crannies where gay guys will go in their most desperate and horniest moments. Sure, a lot of this activity has moved online and subsequently into our homes, but there is still plenty of public sex to be had. Aren’t we lucky!

We Don’t Love Drag Queens As Much As You Do

Drag queens are great! Some of my best friends are drag queens, and some of them put on great shows. But we see drag queens all the damn time. You can hardly go to a gay bar without running into one who is “hosting,” doing a lip sync number, running a contest, or just generally harassing people. For straight people it’s a treat. It’s fun and exciting and awesome. We’re glad that you can be in on the campy fun, but don’t hate us if we don’t match your enthusiasm. Imagine if you took us to a straight bar and we were like, “Oh my god! They have the football game on the television over the bar. Isn’t that amazing! That’s so awesome. Look at that screen! It’s so big and clear. Let’s give it a dollar! Do you have a dollar? I want to tip the screen,” you would think we were some crazy asshole. That’s how we feel when you wig out (pun intended) over drag queens.

Just clarifying.  Any Questions?


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Neverday’s Seeds

Posted by Daniel on March 16, 2013

There’s a seed of inspiration sewn in every conversation I have.  I glean these seeds from family, friends, ex’s and “Oh’s”.   Today’s seed was planted by a simple word.   Left me thinking about what I’ve gained and lost by aiming for that word…”Companionship”.  How can I attain this state in the present or future if I’m unsure of what I’ve learned from the past?   After all, there’s no past that I can bring back by longing for it, only a present that builds and creates itself as the past withdraws.

So I reflect back on my memories.   The good, the bad and the ugly.   I can honestly say, without hesitation that I have tried to spread as much or more good as I have ever received.  But I also recognize that I am guilty of causing pain – however unintentional – to others.  I’m inspired by a friends’ random act of kindness that he passed along to an elderly couple.  I take heart every day in the strength and worldly wisdom of someone who, to me, is and lives the very definition of beauty.  I try to live up to their examples every day.  Not as a means of erasing the red marks in my life, but to guide my actions in a positive way moving forward.  It is in this realization that I learn, grow and gain strength enough to stop looking back at the past with such relish as to refuse to see the beautiful, newly revealed views before me.

Initially I’m overwhelmed.  But gradually I realize it’s like a wave.   Resist, and I’ll be knocked over.  Dive into it, and I’ll swim out the other side.  The only real failure is my failure to try, and the measure of success is how I cope with disappointment.  But it’s also true that the person who risks nothing, does nothing, has nothing.

All of this and I am still afraid.  Will today’s seed take root?  Can I, after all this time, open up and allow myself the chance to be the gardener I once was?  Is companionship really so attainable?

It’s all too unclear. 

All I know about the future is that it will be different.  But perhaps what I fear is that it will be the same. So I must celebrate the changes, because, as someone once said, everything will be alright in the end, and if it’s not alright, then trust me…that’s alright, too.

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It’s Not Me…It’s You

Posted by Daniel on December 4, 2010

Putting The Vibes Out There

It's not like I'm NOT thinking happy thoughts...!!

I’m tired of trying to convince people that I am, in fact, in complete control of my mind and my heart.

Seth is gone, people!!  Outta here!!  So let’s all move the fuck on about it, okay??

All I want is to be able to move FORWARD with what little life he left me, but that is the extent of his influence…

He left me with shit and I have to turn that into gold…or at the very least, copper.

But – and I’m going to say this here, so if he IS reading it, he’ll know what you know – he never let my feelings get in HIS way of starting a new life…so why the hell should I consider his feelings for mine??

And that’s the point I’ve been trying to make to everyone who seems hell-bent on telling me how I feel.

The way I FEEL now is “good”.  The person I “feel” good about is NOT Seth!!

And another thing…please stop trying to tell me that it’s “too soon after Seth to have real feelings” for someone!!!  How the HELL would you know that??  Let me tell ALL of you…I’ve had OVER a year and a half (almost 2 years) to get over him…because that’s about how long ago he fucking dumped me!!!  Just because I’m finishing up the fucking “divorce” process NOW (again, because he walked away a LONG time ago and WAITED to tell me until he was set up somewhere else) doesn’t mean I’m “not over” him.

The reason he’s even still in the conversation is because there are so many peopl out there who continue to bring him up to me!!!

Did you know Seth did this?

I knew what Seth was up to “_____” long ago!!

Do you still talk to Seth?

Seriously.  Can’t we all just fucking drop it?!?!

My FOCUS is on one person these days…his name is Travis.  He has been my focus quite honestly since the day I physically met him (day before Halloween).  He knocked my socks off almost the minute we began talking.  And this was no easy feat, considering the HUGE handicap he was under at the particular moment we met…(and he KNOWS what that was)…so factoring that in, what I’m saying now means THAT much more.

Quite honestly, I wasn’t EVEN looking for someone, really…so going out that night really was almost pointless.  But I wanted a beer and I had been talking online with this really funny, intelligent and yes…handsome…man who had earlier asked if I was going to be out that night.  I said yes.  We met. We talked.  He was drunk.  We STILL talked (he impressed me with that).  He allowed me to hold onto his eyelashes (who says chivalry is dead??).  I looked into those BEAUTIFUL brown eyes and I swear I was taken completely away.  Not to mention the fact that not only does he NOT laugh at every one of my stupid jokes…he’ll even call me on the ones that suck!!

He is, quite honestly, the first man EVER to go toe-to-toe with me on the jokes.

Now, on the other side of the coin, it’s all pretty much possibly for naught.  After spending more time talking to family and friends who all want to know details, details, details…I folded.  I suppose my mood was showing later yesterday and he noticed that on my Facebook.  He asked me to explain…I was reluctant…He insisted…So I did.

Now it’s all out there and I’m afraid I just totally fucked it all up.

Maybe we WERE supposed to only live it day-by-day.  Maybe that spark that ignited on day-one and has continued to grow over this time wasn’t meant to be explored.  Perhaps I did leave myself open to damned soon.

Nothing is as important to me as him finishing school…and because of that, plus his work plus the fact that he rarely sleeps or eats right, I worry about him.  The other night I sacrificed what could have been a wonderful night together so that he would sleep.  It was worth it to me for him to rest…it outweighed my selfish need to be with him.

It made me realize right then as I was driving home that I must really REALLY love this man.  What the hell happened?  How did Cupids’ arrow find my ass??  I thought I’d covered it pretty damned efficiently.

Apparently not.

Apparently…FOR naught.

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Love Isn’t Timed With A Stopwatch

Posted by Daniel on November 7, 2010

Missed it by THAT much!!!

I Hate Playing "Beat The Clock"!!

This past week, it occurred to me that I had, as it turned out, missed what appeared to be a big chance to accidentally-on-purpose step in the way of, and be hit by Cupid’s all-too-elusive arrow.

I was sad for that loss, of course…because aren’t we all (excluding those that want to have their cake and eat it, too) hoping for love?  Looking for it?  Praying for it?  Oh sure, it’s always better not to look for love, rather we should let love find us, right?  I mean, that is the common wisdom going around, yes?

Ordinarily I’m right there with you on that.  I don’t think I’ve EVER actually looked for love.  Instead, love has always found me.  And when that arrow hit me, (all six times!!) it buried itself so damned deeply that it couldn’t be taken out.

Anyone remember that duck in Illinois that some asshole shot with a bow and arrow and the duck survived?  The arrow was actually sticking through the ducks’ neck and yet the duck lived a normal life.  Everyone was afraid to catch it and remove the arrow for fear that, in itself, would actually kill the little critter.  Hmmm…don’t know exactly what ever happened to it or how long it lived after that.  But I do know one thing…

I have BEEN that duck!!!  Six times in my life I’ve been in love and six times I was left wandering around with an arrow through my neck.

I feel your pain, Daffy!!

Been There...Duck That

This time, however, I’ve decided it’s time to have that sucker removed!!  And it was.  And as many of you know, it damned near killed me.


I say “literally” because the last love that was given to me, then without reason or warning, yanked away from me in EVERY insulting way so that it could be handed to someone else apparently more deserving.  Yeah, folks, Seth almost killed me.

But dammit…I survived!!  In spite of all the wrongs done to me, and despite being left quite literally in the street, I have begun the fight back to normalcy.

This brings me to today’s post.

Not very long ago, I began talking to someone who, as it turns out, was probably the finest person I’d met in many years.  He lives in Massachusetts, and is, by all accounts, probably the closest to perfect as you’ll ever find.  Save for one aspect…

Because of his past bad encounters with Cupid’s arrows, (and hey, we’ve all been there, right?), he had decided to put himself, as well as his pursuit of love on something of a time frame.  While I think that’s a bit odd, not to mention rather limiting, I guess he’s just had enough of the meat market atmosphere and all the fakery and let-downs.  And who can blame him, right?

I have to admit, over time and through many conversations on the phone, texts, emails and online chats, I was smitten.  At the same time, I was fighting like hell trying to start a new life (such that Seth had left me with) by moving to Boston (which had nothing to do with the guy in question, mind you).  I worked my ass of trying to save for the trip.  Fought like the dickens to get my work transfer pushed through.

Funny thing about having to start off in life where Seth left me…seems everyone ELSE was holding all the cards and making ALL the decisions for me and I wasn’t allowed ANY input.

All the while, I was intensely aware that this mans “love clock” was ticking down minute by minute…day by day.  And I was getting closer to losing any opportunity of finding out if he could be the one.

Longer story short…

My work decided to drag ass on my transfer…so that (coupled with my ex’s ever-changing promises due to “things change”) pretty much pissed away my chances – at least for now – of moving east.  And, in the process, that wonderful man also decided I wasn’t worth that wait, or else I just didn’t make the deadline.

Needless to say, I was pretty bummed out over BOTH losses…especially the fact that once that deadline came and went, he just completely blew me off.  Guess the calendar told him more about me than I did.  I mean, just how is a guy to get a break when everyone else is pulling the strings???

But then I thought about it.  And while I was saddened to think I was, in an off-beat way, dumped by someone over a calendar date, it forced me to realize that I am better than that.

I am NOT a circle on a calendar…nor an “X”.  I am a person.  A very good person with a heart of gold, a very sharp wit, MUCH to offer the right person, and WORTH the wait in the end.

While I do respect his decision to take charge of his love life and his pursuit OF love…I feel a tiny bit sad for people who come to such a rash decision as to limit loves parameters.  We can’t tell Cupid where to come from, nor can we say it’s going to happen by this date or not at all.

Funny thing about love, readers…it’s messy and hard and wondrous and awe-inspiring.  We can no more limit it’s freedom to hit us from WHATEVER source or direction than we can limit the sun’s warm embrace.  Love is, in a way, a living breathing entity that cannot be captured and put into a jar for our amusement, only to be free’d at our whim.  In that way, it never fails that we tend to forget to poke holes in the cap so that it can breath…and only when we see that it has died do we dump it out and try to capture it alive again.

Like a butterfly (or Madame Butterfly, to those in on the joke) we have to let it remain free to flutter around and land on us at IT’S choosing.

So, while I do most sincerely hope nothing BUT the best for my sweet funny friend in MA on his pursuit/non-pursuit of that elusive arrow…I remain ever confident that that arrow will again find me all on its own.

And lately, I’ve been feeling the urge to check my butt cheek for a red dot…because a butterfly just landed on it…and Cupid has it in his laser sights!!

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