Acceptance

I just spent a couple of hours reading Daniel’s blog, The Tempest, in particular, the last two posts by Seth and Daniel. (You will occasionally see some of “Transitions” cross-posted there, that is at his discretion, and with my consent, of course.)

The main gist of the posts is reactions from several quarters regarding their impending move to California. Certain people are making assumptions, pointing fingers, forming opinions without having all the facts. In short, it’s like our own personal Democratic Primary season, only without the insipid sniping of the pundits. I of course weighed in on both posts with my $20.00 worth, two cents not nearly covering someone who can be as verbose as myself…:-) People are people, they react, they blame, they tilt against the windmills and rage against the machine. If you’ve read any of my recent posts, then you’ll know I dipped my toe in that pool. Then I ran screaming madly around the pool house a few times…lol.

I understand these emotional tirades, I’ve been experiencing them firsthand. I know where they are coming from, as misdirected as they may be, for I have felt on many occasions over the past few months completely misdirected. No Tom Tom or Garmin to guide me safely home,
or so I thought until I started dealing directly with how I felt. So perhaps I cut these (for the most part) well intentioned folk some slack. They don’t know the intimate details (meaning the haven’t read my blog! THE NERVE!!! lol) therefore they’re grasping at whatever conclusions they can.

Ah…the humanity. The ever present beauty and pain of it all.

And suddenly, it was as if I was seeing it from outside of the whole situation. Daniel and Seth, railing against unfair accusations and frustrations. The friends and family, puzzling over why everything had changed, why wasn’t everything how it was supposed to be? Why doesn’t everything fit neatly and make sense? Where’s the continuity, the stability, the NORMALCY?

They don’t know yet. There’s a new normal. There’s a new order.
And I realized I was okay with it.

I’m reaching acceptance.

I have been doing things to branch out on my own, mainly because it seemed wise and healthy to do so. Now I want to do those things, simply because it’s the new order. There’s a lot left to do.

I’m no fool, I realize there’s still going to be those moments. I may have conceptualized “good bye” in my head, and even wished it to arrive now,
though I also knew I like having this time. No need to rush, trains only run at a certain speed because they’re deliberate, steady, dependable transportation. The train will leave, with part of my old life on board heading west. And I expect I’ll cry, I’m a crier. I am an unashamed crier.
And that’s fine. I care, I always have and I always will. But after that, well, to quote one of my favorite lines from “Fortinbras”…”I have THINGS to DO!!!!” LOL

We all have those lives to get on with. We get to be as big a part of each others lives as we choose. Let the fingers point and the questions be raised again and again, and we’ll answer by living well and loving every minute of it.

Because all in all, I wouldn’t change a thing now. If I could, it would mean changing who I am…who we are…and I think that would be the worst kind of loss. Maybe in a parallel universe, if they exist, the story was quite different. But I live here, in this universe, on this planet, in this house with these wonderful people in my life.

And we have things to do.